[JacksonWest]

so, I have posted about this on other areas a few weeks ago, but I am a little concerned with some stuff going on.

Short(ish) version:

I have been talking to this female since last June. She is an odd character. My coworkers and friends have all said she is weird. There is something about this girl that has just confused me beyond belief from the first day I hung out with her. We hung out in a group, she stayed behind and it was just the two of us. She asked for a ride and said she had a great time with the group get together I had started. From here, her friends started asking about me. She started asking about and even asked my coworker if I date often. That same week, I had a party at my house. The last person to leave? Her, again. She was nervous, but stayed. A couple of days later, I asked her out and she said she was in the middle of getting back together with an ex. So, I am confused why she kept trying to set up a situation where we were one on one.

Three days later, I was at a trivia night with her. She was in my personal space and seemed to want my attention. I watch games with my coworker (same one she asked about my dating life) often and sometimes his wife. A week after I asked her out, she texted him and asked him about watching a game again. So, she tried to invite herself.

A few weeks passed and I did not say much to her. We talked about watching a game again. I said I had dinner plans with coworkers to celebrate my birthday, but would let her know if anybody was going to watch the game after. Well, she took that as a chance to invite herself to my dinner. My coworkers were confused as to why she was there and what was going on.

We hung out a few times, 5 of the next 6 weeks. During this time, the girl started to eat my food and turned kind of possessive (not crazy, but how a girlfriend would be). I get a pack of gum, she would grab it out of my hand. My stuff was her stuff. My food was hers. Yet, when we were around other people she did not act like that. She would seem to get nervous and ignore me, but a few days later she is back at eating my food. One of my coworkers that hung out with me quite a bit noticed her behavior and commented on it to me. He said she seemed to be treating me like we were dating. During that time, she kept creating the environment of being one on one with me. She would never invite her friends with her to go. My friends would leave, and she asked me to stay behind. I did not say anything, because she had said she was in a relationship (which was no longer the case by this time, but I did not know).

Any time I asked her, I would get a weird answer. I ask her to watch a game, she would give me a noncommittal answer or on the day of the watch ask me if it was just me going. Like, she didn't want to go if it was just me. Yet, when we would go, she would make a point to stay behind to be alone with me or eat my food or other things that would make you think she was comfortable and we were friends.

Finally, the last time I hung out with her we were alone. Her coworker happened to be at the same restaurant. She got so nervous that she could not even remember her fiance's name. She seemed very nervous, like she got caught with something. I mentioned that she could invite other people, but she said she did not like inviting friends because she has "trust" issues.

The next day, we had plans with another person. That person was not sure he was going to make, so she backed out too. It is like if I make a suggestion, she is very concerned about going. Yet, she is the one that keeps setting up the one on one environments with me or treating me differently than a colleague. I asked her what was going on and shared what I had noticed about her canceling out often when it was just me.

My friends said to ignore her and see if she writes me. I did and did not invite her to game watches for a month.

This may be the best example of why I am confused.

So, I have not invited this girl to anything in a few weeks...no game watches or anything. Since we started hanging out, there have been two times that I gave her space. Both times, she invited herself to my invites. She messaged my coworker to ask about watching the game with us. The other time she invited herself to a birthday dinner I had with my coworkers.

Well, this is the 3rd time I have done this. It had been a month since I hung out with her. Again, I did not invite her to stuff, just staying low and avoiding her for a while. She emailed me a question about work last week. She never emails me about work, since we work in two different offices and she and works with a different part of the institution. I won't give specifics, but this is an example of what is odd about this. Each person in her office is a liaison to different offices. Her coworker works with office A, she works with office B and etc. I work for office A, not B, yet she reached out to me because she needs to get a few people together for an event.

She is friends with the people in office B, her outreach office, but she did not ask them or check with them first. Just me. So, she contacted me even though she works with a different office (she knows this). We have an association at the institution as well. I am not on that committee either (which she knows), so there is no reason to go through me. I answered her question and forwarded it on to the right people. The next day, I get a text message from her about a personal trip I am taking soon. She wanted to give me advice. So, both cases, she initiated the contact via email and via text. I literally just replied to both. I answered the work question (what dates would work for the event) and answered the text (that I already have a hotel set up and do not need her suggestions). So, it would appear we are on friendly terms. This weekend, she blocked me on facebook.

Now, I am confused. The girl can quote what I have on facebook. I am planning a trip to Iceland, magically she looks up information and is too and has an itinerary that wants me to follow for it. (Because Iceland is a place that all people from the USA go, especially when they a re cold blooded and only go to the tropics....). There are several things like this. I hate something, she does too. I like something. She does. The girl literally mimics me when we are in public (says the same things I say 20 minutes later). I am done inviting her to things, because I feel concerned for my well being. Yet, I am pretty sure she will contact me or my coworkers in a few weeks to get in contact. My coworkers all think she is weird and everything they have seen her do to me is inappropriate, so they will not be around her either. But, the girl is starting to freak me out. I mean, she emails me, then she texts me and then blocks me?

[Travelinglady]

Yes, you should be concerned. This gal has serious issues. I would not pursue her if I were you. And try to keep her from knowing what you are up to!

I am going to suggest this post be moved to the Relationships forum, since I think it will fit there better and you might get more responses.

[JacksonWest]

I am definitely not pursuing her. Thought a friendship may be possible, but not even that anymore. This is honestly just the most confusing thing I have ever seen in my life.

[JacksonWest]

Just confused and worried why she initiates the contact, then pulls away. Yet, if I ignore her, she seeks attention.

[winter4me]

Don't know if you want to, but it might help to express your concerns to her, a gentle but honest confrontation. If you can't do this, I think I would keep away. She sounds troubled and insecure, some of her behaviors may be impulsive, she starts something then withdraws, maybe upset with herself for her actions. The question really is, perhaps, what do you want? If it freaks you out and you do not want a relationship with her then disengage and be civil but not friendly or inviting.....and don't be afraid, if she invites herself and this is a problem, to let her know (privately) that it is not OK to do this.

[JacksonWest]

I have tried to talk to her, but she shuts the door on it. I do not want a relationship with her. At first, I thought I could be friends with her. That does not seem likely now though. Her course of actions make no sense. We have not hung out in a few weeks, so she messages me about "work". Then, she texts me. I answer both questions and she then blocks me. That is unstable. I literally did nothing. But, I have a feeling she will reach out to me again and try to keep the cycle going.

[Teanne]

It sounds to me like she is interested in you...and just wants to string you along until she settles things with her old boyfriend. She might be acting so possessive of you in public because she wants to send the message to other females that you are her possession. I've seen women do this before...very catty. I would just make some comment to her in public that she should "keep her fork to herself"...or some half-joking way of letting her and others know that you are not her possession. Be nice about it, but be firm.

[MickeyCheeky]

Yeah, that sounds confusing :/ If you don't feel like you can't handle this, then I guess all you can do is just limit your contacts with her as much as possible. Even though you're probably already doing that.

[campervanman]

"Hey look over there"

[JacksonWest]

Yeah, I am now definitely limiting my contact with her. It is just strange. She is 27, but some of her stuff mirrors what I saw from some people in high school. I ask, she gets nervous. I don't ask, she invites herself. She doesn't want me around her people, but she wants to be around my people. She enters into my personal space and wants to have a say in what I do, but calls me just a colleague.

My coworker said that when she is with him, she talks about me.... frequently. Yet, she said she was getting back with an ex. I mean, two days before that, we were alone on the couch in my house and she was cuddled inside a blanket of mine (not with me). I am not an overly jealous person, but if I were the ex that she was getting back with, I would be upset with that. To be honest, I am not even sure the ex is real. It definitely never progressed.

I just do not know why she wants my attention, but I asked her and she said no. I invite her to events and she gives weird answers, but then she displays the behavior she does. We lose contact, she seeks out my friends.

I am just worried about that vast mood swings at this point. She is one extreme to another.

[JacksonWest]

Plus, is it wrong to think that her emailing me about work is suspicious? A) she never does. B) she did not even contact the office she is connected with....started with me first.

I have asked my female friends and they told me that if I ignore her, she will return. Is this the return or just coincidence?

[Teanne]

She just wants control. Don't give it to her. She sounds immature and insecure.

[JacksonWest]

Not going to. I am going to ignore her. The next time she pops up, which I have a feeling she will try to enter my circle again, I will ignore her.

This is just a perplexing one. Like, I could not invite her to things without it being suspicious or something. Always a very vague, weird answer. The other way around, it is fine though. I feel like I have been pretty consistent with things.. her, not so much.

I have dated somebody with borderline in the past. That one was confusing, but that pales in comparison to this one. One of my faults is I am usually that puts the effort in the relationship, which makes me able to be taken advantage of. This makes number 2 in that category.

[JacksonWest]

It took an usually long time to get her phone number even. I gave her mine, she wrote me on facebook messenger instead. Just odd.. Yet, she texted my coworker.

She had some unusual anxiety. I had to go to the parking lot (down the street) from the bar one night. She wanted my friend to walk with me, because she was worried. She wanted me to take a knife from the bar with me in case. I was gone and my coworker said she was over the top worried about me. I had been gone a couple of minutes and she freaked out.

I live in a rural community where crime is not bad.... at all. Her reaction did not make sense.

[JacksonWest]

is it wrong to think her emailing me about work out of the blue is an excuse to make contact?

[Talthybius]

Is this the same person as last time?

[JacksonWest]

Yeah, same one.

She sounds like....a stalker.

(Sorry. It had to be said...)

[JacksonWest]

Yeah... I agree. I have said that too. She knows my stuff, but won't let me around her people. It is weird. Everything of mine she wants access to, including my friends. Yet, she never brings her friends around. The restricting me on facebook is weird. She is the one that initiated contact with me this week, not the other way around. Weird... Like, she is projecting or something.

[seesaw]

Man, I don't know what her deal is, but I would stay as far away from her as I could. She just sounds unstable and very confusing. Why get in a relationship with someone so unpredictable?

Seesaw

[Erebos]

Run far far far away. I have a bad feeling about this one.

[winter4me]

If you don't want a relationship don't have one, or let her think you might. No more hanging out at your place, no more getting into your personal space; define your boundaries clearly and stick with them. She clearly has great difficulty with managing boundaries and so you need to be consistent with yours or she will be wondering about you the way you wonder about her....and it will go on and on.

[JacksonWest]

One of the things I do not understand is that she kept staying behind at events, so I had originally asked her out and she said no. I said no problem and told her that I still enjoyed hanging out with the group we established and being friends.

The next week this kicked off all of the weird stuff. Seeking out my friends... Inviting herself to things. She is very aware of where I am and who I talk to.

If she is stalking me, why restrict me on facebook? Is she projecting something on herself or what? Why does she want access to my friends, but not invite her friends to the group? She never invited her people. I was like a secret and her actions were a secret. IE.. We play fantasy football and she had a post about getting ready for fantasy football season. I commented on it and said something about being excited for this season. The whole post got instantly deleted. Weird, because there was nothing negative. So, I never wrote anything on her wall after that. Like, she wanted it to be a secret that we talked and hung out.

I am not sure she is not on the asperger's scale. A few people have said this. I am just confused, because most stalkers watch everything you do. Not restrict you on facebook. We are still friends there, but I cannot see her posts. I don't care, because I found out she is crazy and have her unfollowed anyhow. It is just confusing. She seeks out my information, but never shared her stuff and makes comments that she has trust issues.

I keep trying to internalize it and make it about something I did. My friends keep telling me not to do that.

Originally Posted by JacksonWest

I am not sure she is not on the asperger's scale.

What difference does it make?
Why the need to attach a mental illness label to someone when it doesn't really make a difference to the issue?

The point is (I think...I might be getting confused here!) you are not interested in someone who is quickly turning out to be a problem for you.

Distance yourself, just like you would for anyone who's creeping you out.

[JacksonWest]

Yeah.. am working on distancing myself. I think my mind wonders just because this was such a weird experience. Just never witnessed anything like it.

I have some paranoia, because I went through a really bad break up a few years ago that resulted in me changing my phone number and looking into a restraining order on the ex. Weird calls late at night... laughing on the other end and her always being around.....always... I go someplace with my friends and coworkers, she would call them every time I was around them, even though she was not friends with them. Until that one, I never had a bad dating experience. Ended things with other exes amicably and am friends with a few of them.

I see some similarities with this one. This girl seeks out my friends. My attention... Says some of the oddest, very specific things that match something I mentioned before (ie. her looking up travel information, plane tickets, hotel information and etc for Iceland, after I mentioned I was looking into going there some time and mentioning an institution that I should look at applying that is oddly close to us and one that I had mentioned to a friend in passing). So, it is hard not to differentiate the two, because this one also feels like she is always attentive to what I do. The other ex had borderline. I could research it and figure out what was going through her mind. There was something tangible there that I had that helped me with it.. This one.. no idea... Just weird.... weirdest person I have ever met. Blank stare when you crack a joke, would act confused why I invited her to things, but then invite herself to things she wasn't invited to. I don't know... At least I have almost all of my coworkers, colleagues and friends on my side. They all think she is weird. One tries to defend her (even though she thinks she is odd too), but they all said she is crazy.

I still call bs on her emailing me about work....out of the blue, when we never talk about work and I had not invited her to anything in a while.