[Nike007]

So I have never been in a romantic relationship before, mainly because the people I have liked don't feel the same, and also I haven't really found the right person. I decided to try out some dating apps or websites, and I found this person through one of these sites who is exactly what I'm looking for - similar interests, similar beliefs, and a personality that is what I'm looking for. Everything is good, and so we've been talking a bit, as they feel the same way, but they've been going through some stuff in their own life, and haven't really talked to me lately. I really want to talk to this person more and meet up with them, but I understand they are going through things. What should I do from here? Should I just keep waiting until things get better for them? I don't really know what to do. I just keep thinking about them a lot. I feel lovesick pretty much. Thanks.

[Little Moons]

This person might continue to struggle with whatever they're dealing with for a long time. People who are already in established relationships can support each other with difficult life circumstances, but I think it's more difficult to start a new relationship with someone who's going through something difficult. Even if they're willing to date you while they work through their issues, they may not be willing or able to make the relationship much of a priority. They may be distracted by their problems and not give you their full attention. I recommend trying to find someone who's in a more stable place.

What kinds of things is he going through? It all depends on the nature of his troubles. If they are big troubles, you may want to rethink this, although you really click with him, so it may be worthwhile to see it through.

[divine1966]

Move on. Or at least attempt to connect to more people.

If you have never met them and were just talking online, they might not even be who they say they are.

I am sorry to be blunt but “I am going through stuff and can’t talk to you or see you” is a code phrase for “not interested, like to play games, am not who I said I am, seeing other people, want to be left alone”. Etc don’t waste your time

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

What kinds of things is he going through? It all depends on the nature of his troubles. If they are big troubles, you may want to rethink this, although you really click with him, so it may be worthwhile to see it through.

She just lost her job and has been sick. I don't know how major these things are. She's only 18, so it wasn't like a job she's work on for a while, at least to my understanding.

I don't connect with many people, but especially people my age. I feel many of the things people my age care about, I don't, such as partying, drugs, alcohol, etc.. I would like it to work, because I don't know if I'll find someone near my age again. I feel like I may end up with someone a lot older than me, which I'd be fine with more if society didn't see it as weird.

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Move on. Or at least attempt to connect to more people.

If you have never met them and were just talking online, they might not even be who they say they are.

I am sorry to be blunt but “I am going through stuff and can’t talk to you or see you” is a code phrase for “not interested, like to play games, am not who I said I am, seeing other people, want to be left alone”. Etc don’t waste your time

I think they are whom they say they are. It would be hard to fake this, based off what they have told me. Like things that aren't that general.

I'll do my best.

[All Is Revealed]

When it comes to dating, both people need to dedicate time to each other. If they have so many issues now, can you imagine the mess you'll be in when you're actually together? Your mental wellness come first. Seems like your mental health is suffering and you guys aren't serious yet. That is a bad sign.

This sounds like an atomic bomb ready to off. Get out while you can.

[Bill3]

Should I just keep waiting until things get better for them?

I think it would be good to message them now and then for a while, ask how they are, be friendly and supportive. Think of them as a friend. Don't aim for meeting up or a relationship.

If they don't write back after, say, a few weeks or a month, then stop writing but leave the door open for them to contact you at a later date if they want to. Then move on--don't wait for them.

Originally Posted by Nike007

She just lost her job and has been sick. I don't know how major these things are. She's only 18, so it wasn't like a job she's work on for a while, at least to my understanding.

I don't connect with many people, but especially people my age. I feel many of the things people my age care about, I don't, such as partying, drugs, alcohol, etc.. I would like it to work, because I don't know if I'll find someone near my age again. I feel like I may end up with someone a lot older than me, which I'd be fine with more if society didn't see it as weird.

Oh, it's a she.... ok. Well, if she can bounce back and get another job, that's one thing. Does she live on her own? Does she need to pay rent? If so, she'll need to get a job ASAP.

The problem with dating someone who is jobless is you have to pay for everything if and when you do anything that requires money. And if she's sick.... wow, this sounds like my ex. He was sick AND jobless and I carried the financial burden for both of us for four months straight while he never found a job to help out.

My ex aside, t's a tough road when someone is unemployed, but that doesn't mean you have to eliminate them -- it can be a wait and see kind of thing.

If it's a rare connection for you.... well, there's something to be said about that and it may be worthwhile to meet her and just see how things unfold.

Nothing you've said makes me think you need to walk away from this person... but I would just see if things improve and if she gets another job.

[eskielover]

I wouldnt hold my breath waiting or count on this person to really ever be there. Wouldnt walk away but I sure would broaden my search field

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Nike007

I think they are whom they say they are. It would be hard to fake this, based off what they have told me. Like things that aren't that general.

I'll do my best.

Could be that they are who they say are but if they aren’t talking to you for whatever reason (busy or going through stuff or not interested) you can’t make them talk to you. You just can’t. If she is sick and looking fo job she might not be up To dating.

[Dziadzi]

I am new here and looking for new friends. It sounds like you care for someone who does not love you the same way. I was a teacher for many years until a fall at work caused me to be disabled. Until then, I was an avid hunter and fisherman. I had spinal decompression fusion in '03 and my life has gone downhill ever since.

Let me know if you would like to keep in touch.

Originally Posted by Nike007

So I have never been in a romantic relationship before, mainly because the people I have liked don't feel the same, and also I haven't really found the right person. I decided to try out some dating apps or websites, and I found this person through one of these sites who is exactly what I'm looking for - similar interests, similar beliefs, and a personality that is what I'm looking for. Everything is good, and so we've been talking a bit, as they feel the same way, but they've been going through some stuff in their own life, and haven't really talked to me lately. I really want to talk to this person more and meet up with them, but I understand they are going through things. What should I do from here? Should I just keep waiting until things get better for them? I don't really know what to do. I just keep thinking about them a lot. I feel lovesick pretty much. Thanks.

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by Bill3

I think it would be good to message them now and then for a while, ask how they are, be friendly and supportive. Think of them as a friend. Don't aim for meeting up or a relationship.

If they don't write back after, say, a few weeks or a month, then stop writing but leave the door open for them to contact you at a later date if they want to. Then move on--don't wait for them.

I mean, they have been writing me back the last few days, so, that's good. It's just once a day at this point, but, it's something.

We're having a conservation, but I can ask them how they are.

Thanks for your response.

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Oh, it's a she.... ok. Well, if she can bounce back and get another job, that's one thing. Does she live on her own? Does she need to pay rent? If so, she'll need to get a job ASAP.

The problem with dating someone who is jobless is you have to pay for everything if and when you do anything that requires money. And if she's sick.... wow, this sounds like my ex. He was sick AND jobless and I carried the financial burden for both of us for four months straight while he never found a job to help out.

My ex aside, t's a tough road when someone is unemployed, but that doesn't mean you have to eliminate them -- it can be a wait and see kind of thing.

If it's a rare connection for you.... well, there's something to be said about that and it may be worthwhile to meet her and just see how things unfold.

Nothing you've said makes me think you need to walk away from this person... but I would just see if things improve and if she gets another job.

Yes, I'm gay (or part gay technically).

She lives with her family at the moment. It seems more common for people my age to live at home still. I guess it's a generational thing. I do believe they want to move away but she doesn't have the money to do so and is taking a year off of school for a break, and I guess to make money also to pay for it, as it's quite expensive.

From what I understand about her job, they were having some management issues and were struggling (the business), so I don't believe it was 100% sure fault.

By sick, I meant a cold or flu, not really sure, but it's not that bad. They pulled a muscle before this too, but nothing too major.

Thanks for your response.

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Could be that they are who they say are but if they aren’t talking to you for whatever reason (busy or going through stuff or not interested) you can’t make them talk to you. You just can’t. If she is sick and looking fo job she might not be up To dating.

That's true, I can't force anyone to talk to me. My only thing about this is that she made a dating profile looking for a relationship, but I believe this was before she lost her job and got a cold so there's that. The cold will be gone in like a few days to a week or so.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Nike007

Yes, I'm gay (or part gay technically).

She lives with her family at the moment. It seems more common for people my age to live at home still. I guess it's a generational thing. I do believe they want to move away but she doesn't have the money to do so and is taking a year off of school for a break, and I guess to make money also to pay for it, as it's quite expensive.

From what I understand about her job, they were having some management issues and were struggling (the business), so I don't believe it was 100% sure fault.

By sick, I meant a cold or flu, not really sure, but it's not that bad. They pulled a muscle before this too, but nothing too major.

Thanks for your response.

It’s perfectly ok to live at home at 18. I hope things are going to get better! Hope she also lives close by

[Nike007]

Originally Posted by divine1966

It’s perfectly ok to live at home at 18. I hope things are going to get better! Hope she also lives close by

I know it's fine to live at home at my age. I know many people who do.

Thank you. She lives about an hour away, or an hour and a half as I would have to take public transit.