Thinking about changing my name

I am considering, very seriously, changing my name to drop my last name and just use my first and middle name, changing my middle name to my last name basically.

My parents are divorced, so this isn't going to bother my mom at all. I don't really know or care how my brothers feel about it. If I got married I would probably change my name anyhow.

The only concern is my dad, but we are estranged and I honestly want to change my name and give myself a fresh start. My PTSD and a lot of my problems are from my family of origin.

I don't really have any contact or want contact with my family, and I would kind of like to just take this step to put the line in the sand that this is my own life, not theirs.

I'm also wondering if I could just do it, and if anyone would notice. Like, I sort of doubt my family would even notice. How would they even know really?

Any thoughts?

Seesaw

I honestly thought about this to because of my family history. I only sent against it was because of my siblings that I raised. however they ended up turning on me which cut deeply and I was saddened when I had to disown them in name and action but it was for the best. really now, I'm OK because I burned those bridges and moving on with my life

Well, I know that you can legally drop your last name and just have one name entirely. Cher did it and now she is legally known as just Cher.

This isn't a decision to take too lightly, as you can't just change your mind and change it back right away. There's a waiting period after one changes their name before they can change it again.

Anyways, good luck with whatever you decide.

I have been thinking about it for a long time now. I just haven't really talked about it to anyone because it seemed so taboo. But a co-worker just got divorced and changed her name back to her maiden name, and I was wondering why I can't be allowed to do the same thing.

my sisters in law, 5 of them, kept their last maiden names as a part of their names.

My husband had his name legally changed before we got married. He was named after his very abusive, alcoholic father, and the legacy of being his "junior" was something he needed to symbolically throw off by changing his first and middle name. He still has a visceral reaction when for some reason his birth name comes up (sometimes does on legal matters, etc.)

You have to go through the court system to have it done, but it wasn't a terribly long or difficult process. Of course, then you have to work on getting all of your documents, accounts, etc. changed, but once it's done, it isn't a problem.

He did have some push-back from his family, but he just rode it out and they eventually caught up with it and got over it (at least outwardly). There may be lingering resentments, but he long ago broke off contact with most of his family anyway, so he doesn't particularly care.

I'm also considering just changing my name professionally. Like some women actually change their name when they get married but keep their maiden name in their place of business, just on their business cards, etc., and are publicly known by their professional name, but legally have their family name.

I thought I might try that first, just like, using the name in email and on my business cards, but keep everything else in my full given name.

I would have to talk to HR, but I don't really see why it would be an issue for them. They would just have to adjust my email address and we'd have to order new business cards, but I would pay for that if necessary. Oh, and I'd have to order a new name tag for our work events, but that's so not a big deal.

I might float this with my one friend/colleague who is here, whom I trust, to see what she thinks of it.

I've known women whose legal names were a hyphenated of theirs and their husbands, but in their place of business they just used their maiden name.

Sometimes you can just set up a DBA in that instance (doing business as), which is pretty easy. I did before when I was running a personal consulting business.

Seesaw

I still use my first husbands last name. I never used my second husbands last name, and i never reverted to my maiden name. Sometimes i use my maiden name as my middle name, it uniquely identifies me.

So I just talked to our HR person about it. Told her I was going through the steps of legally changing my name, but it's a long process, and wanted to know if there was any policy about letting people use a professional name versus their legal name. Since it's just my last name, we both agreed it was a lot like a woman keeping her maiden name professionally but legally changing to her husband's name.

She's going to check into it and let me know.

Seesaw

If you change your name, everyone who knows you is going to ask why. It'll be painful to have to keep talking about why.

You are not obligated to explain to anyone why you changed your name.

My ex husband and I both picked a new name when we got married. No hyphen, no fuss, just a fresh start for both of us.

I would go for it. I had a friend of mine who changed her whole name when she divorced. It fits her better.

Who all knows me that's going to ask? I don't really have any close friends. Not here in Jacksonville anyways. I have some out in California, but I would just tell them it's my professional name, that's all.

As far as work, none of them are going to ask. Maybe they will just assume it's from a previous marriage or something. They know I have a disability and no one asks what kind. Although a couple know just because we work closely together and have hung out outside of work and talked about stress and stuff.

And the name change would just be to drop my last name and replace it with my middle, so it's not a huge change anyway. PLUS, there was a time in my 20s where, as a dancer, I went by just my first and middle name. So some of my older friends know me that way anyhow.

I honestly don't think a lot of people are going to ask. And I've had plenty of experience deflecting invasive questions, as I have a service dog and strangers ask me all the time what my disability is, etc. So I'm not really worried about that.

But good point for me to think of how I will handle that.

Seesaw

I legally changed my last name to my grandmother's maiden name years ago. I wanted to honor her memory and I liked how it sounded with my first name. As I recall, the legal procedure was remarkably easy...just went down to the courthouse and in no time at all it was done. (Faster than getting a tattoo!) Everyone had opinions and many people were peeved. My (now ex) was peeved I "threw away" his last name (that was so much "drama" cuz I think he understood my reasons) my in-laws were peeved, and initially my father was peeved even though it was his mother's maiden name. When I explained my reasons to my father he understood and said that it was unique and unusual to honor a woman in this way and he felt deeply moved by my gesture. People will always voice their opinions but a name is such a personal thing I think it really isn't anyone's business. I never regretted taking this last name and I will never change it because it is meaningful to me and I cherish what it stands for. (Of course my avatar name is not my real life name.)

I actually like that idea, and wouldn't mind changing to my grandmother's maiden name. But that opens another whole can of worms for me.

I can't believe there are so many people who changed their names on here! Makes me feel better.

It costs about $400 for the filing here plus all the other notary and background check fees. Probably $500-$600 when all said and done. Here you have to file with the court, then go get a fingerprint and background check by the sheriff, then go to your hearing. If it gets approved, then once you get your final paperwork, you start notifying different agencies. I found a "how to" on the best order to do everything, because different agencies need different copies of old ID and new ID, so there's like a specific order to do it in so you don't have issues. I've heard it can take a day or it can take 3 months. Just depends.

I'm going to try and go the easy route first and just start using it as my professional name. Because I may be moving to another state soon, I don't want to have to start the process over in a new state.

Seesaw

Wow. This surprises me. I have a bad memory, I guess, because I can't remember spending that much money. Yeah, maybe I did the notary thing but my bank offered that as a free service. Background check? Fingerprints? Don't recall that but must have done it. The point is I have become both lazy and cheap because I can't imagine going through all that trouble on top of paying that kind of money. I had more disposable income when married. Now... I would just start using another name, I think.

I never liked my original last name (it was difficult to say with my first name) and I actually hated my married last name. So...I don't know...maybe I did do all that paperwork and stuff... to get the name I knew I'd keep forever.

I took a professional name (informally) to use in freelance writing but it complicated things like who they made the check out to and social security and such so I dropped it. Good Luck. You should have the name that makes you feel good. I vote for changing one's name until one is satisfied. I did and it really worked out well.

Legally changing my name was one of the most empowering things I ever did for my recovery process!

Sincerely,
Pflower!

I think this could be a good idea if you're ready for what Tisha mentioned. But eventually those close to you will know and new people you meet won't know the difference. If you think it will improve your health enough to justify it then do what you need to feel happier and free. Regardless, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. You are your own individual. Names are arbitrary. Best of luck to you