Making Amends

In a short time after the inauguration, I lost my best friend over who I voted for. Mind you, this is not just any friend. This is someone I've known since we were 12, someone I've spent weekends camping with, celebrated birthdays and holidays together, girl's nights, offered one another a shoulder to cry on, etc. We were very close.

I want to make amends with her now that it seems like the hysteria is dying down and see if she is still feeling raw about the situation, but I'm not sure how to go about doing this without upsetting her more. I really do not wish to explain to her my political views. It's quite frankly none of her business and it's not her right to know. What I am hoping to say is yes, we have differences in political views, but it shouldn't stop us from remaining friends because I care a lot about you, and I've enjoyed the times we've had together, and because we share many of the same friends, I don't want to us to feel awkward or inclined to give each other the silent treatment when all our friends want to hang out together, and I hope we can make up and still remain friends.

I miss my friend and I'd like to reach out to her, because she is a good person with a big heart and sensitive like me, and I'm sure she feels bad about the situation too. What do I say?

Maybe just message her and ask how she's been? Perhaps politics doesn't even have to be brought up.

Im sorry you lost your friend. I think this is kind of like when you got your german costume and you couldnt understand why people were upset. Choices have consequences.

WTF? Seriously?

I'm at a loss for words.

How do I ask?

Sorry. I started a few answers then deleted them. I didnt say they were the same. I said you couldnt understand how other people felt about it.

People are scared. Its like the Civil War. If you voted for the candidate you've mentioned before, you are probably assumed to be racist, anti-gay, and idk what else, lets say those two. Thats a conversation stopper - a friendship stopper - for most people right there. You can hardly walk down a street together in america today without something challenging that.

Yes, but we've been friends for 12 years and she knows I am none of those things. I think that's why she felt so blind-sided. I'm just hoping we can set aside our differences and make up.

Blindsided is probably a good word for it! Good luck.

I apologize for the outburst, una. That struck a cord that there are members here who've seen me at my lowest point and remembered a dark piece of me that I am ultimately ashamed about.

Actually, before I hit reply I typed "side-blinded". LOL! xD

No need i love talking to the new you!! Remember i used to call you my mini-me? Weve both grown.

I wish I could remember because the thought of it gives me warm fuzzy feelings and a smile on my face.

Yes, particularly in the past two years I have really aspired for self-improvement.

I really appreciate all your support!

Well actually it was more like id say, listen to me, i used to be you! And youd say, you were never like me, you old hag! Or something along those lines. Those were the days!

I'm sorry that you've lost a friend. You can reach out to her and try to not bring up politics at all. But, unfortunately, she knows where you stood in the election, and for her, that was a line in the sand, it sounds. If she doesn't feel like she can be friends with you, you just have to respect that and move on.

I honestly don't see how you can make amends without talking about the issue of the different political views, since that is what caused the rift. She feels (I assume) that you two have values that are too different to reconcile as friends. I have very few friends who support the other party as me in this past election, and with them it is a very superficial relationship, and we do not hang out regularly.

I just don't know that you can really make amends for something if you don't feel you've done anything wrong. So that's going to be tough.

Seesaw

Politics is not something to lose a friendship over.-People don't always see things the same way. I'm happy that you still want to keep the friendship.

I sent a heartfelt message to her. I shall see how she responds.

She responded with, "I had a long day. I'll think about it and get back with you tomorrow."

Hope it goes well LL.

I have a simple and effective rule that I stick too in all my friendships, relationships,personal,work and otherwise.

We don't discuss politics or religion. It's quite a common attitude over here and is a generally respected boundary.

Good luck, it would be a sad way to lose a friend.

Fingers crossed! (For hoping, not lying!)

It might be worth examining how the rift occurred.

Was it simply the fact that there was a difference in voting?

Were there discussions in which emotions ran high?

Looking in detail, step by step, at what went wrong often can help with things going better in the future.

You have a good intention in reconciling with your friend. I suggest not to bring politics up in the reconciliation process (even later if things work out, hopefully) as it may trigger negative emotions (again). Avoid emphasizing on differences. People have different political views, and many people voted to the party more than to the individual who represented the party.

We are having a back and forth discussion on politics as she said we couldn't be friends unless she knew my political stances.

I am rather uneducated on politics, and so far no reaction from her except more questions. =/

She said her mind still hasn't changed and our friendship is over.

It's her loss, not mine. If she wants to be a blind sheep, I'll be the hungry wolf. I won't give up my feelings and opinions to conform with hers.