[niodamei]

So me and my boyfriend have been together for over three years now and recently I've felt like there's something missing and like the spark has gone in our relationship and its gotten to the point where i cant even look at old photos/texts without feeling depressed that we'll never be as happy as we were back then again.

I've brought this issue up with him once before briefly but he just told me that we're not in the honeymoon stage anymore and we're settled and that he didn't feel like there was anything wrong with the relationship. I'd felt settled with him though and i was happy and the relationship didn't feel dull and like it had no life to it like it does now.

We just never know what to talk about with each other, i never feel excited about seeing him, most of the time neither of us are in the mood to have sex and i just feel like generally the relationship has gotten really boring and that we have started taking each other for granted. It seems like he's more interested in his friends too and we've started arguing a lot more with each other and then because of all this I've been feeling like i'm drifting away from him.

We both still love each other a lot but i just feel like we've both really neglecting the relationship.

What can i/we do to reignite the spark in our relationship? to make things less boring and bring back all the excitement and mystery to our relationship?

[Erebos]

Socialise desperately, do things outside the relationship so you both have fresh things to bring to it.
Date again?
Could you spend a weekend away each month?
Being around anyone 24/7 is going to get old,no matter how much you love them.
(I don't live with my fella, it's awesome.lol.)
((This isn't practical for most, I realise.))

I really don't think his interest in his friends is a bad thing.
But it could feel that way if you have nothing but him going on.
Where are your friends, and girlie nights?
Like all things worthwhile,relationships take effort and hard work.
We change as people over time. It's important to keep up with these changes and include our SO's where is possible.

If these things don't work maybe a couples counsellor.

Imho though, not all relationships are meant to last forever. However you expressed that you still love each other,so it seems there is something worth fighting for.

Good luck and all the best, hope it works out.

[MickeyCheeky]

Take some time for yourself maybe? Maybe try couple counselling if things seems to stay this way for too long.. I'm sorry for how you feel. I can relate, I share similar feelings with a "friend" of mine.. I'm not sure if I'd ever call him a friend.

Wish you good luck

[LookingforCalm]

While the honeymoon may be over, think about the good things.

Better yet, what do you want out of this?

This part really sticks out to me...
"We just never know what to talk about with each other, i never feel excited about seeing him, most of the time neither of us are in the mood to have sex and i just feel like generally the relationship has gotten really boring and that we have started taking each other for granted. It seems like he's more interested in his friends too and we've started arguing a lot more with each other and then because of all this I've been feeling like i'm drifting away from him."

I've been there. Usually this stuff is one-sided, and I'm glad yours isn't.

Relationships are hard, and after a while they do indeed wane. Ups and downs come with it. But don't lose yourself because you guys aren't getting along now.
Do you have any interests? Have some girlfriends you can hang with?

Most of all, listen to your heart and gut instincts. If you feel as though it might be time to move on, then do it.
If not, work through this with him.

But from what I read, reality has set in. And that's normal.
You guys need to talk to each other. Be kind, and look into his eyes. Is he what you want?
I wish you the best and I hope things work out for you.

[LacunaCoiler]

I've been with my wife for 11 years now (12 years in April). Not only to we live together but we work together as well. We often find it hard to come up with stuff to talk about because we really can't just be like "x at work did this..." or "I did this at home..." because obviously she knows because she was there. So we talk about our hobbies to one another. We talk about work in detail (she's the front of the office and I'm an accountant so we're not really doing the same thing), we talk about books, sports, news articles. We try to focus on things we do independently and things that get us excited are things we like to share.

We also do date night once a week (except during tax season- she's lucky if she gets to see me at home for an hr or two between work and bed). We take vacations together... we just came back from a wkend in Phoenix because we went to see concerts (something we both like to do). This wkend we're going to Dallas for a hockey game.

As for our sex lives, we make it mandated that we AT LEAST have sex once a month... end of story. There's been times we're its the 30th and we force ourself to have sex... sometimes it turns into great sex and doesn't feel like a chore. We also flirt (touchy feely kind of things) a lot like we did when we were first dating. Yesterday after we got home from our trip she purchased a porno on demand out of the blue. Keep the surprise and spontaneous aspect of "the honeymoon" phase going.

Try planning little things out of the ordinary. Sometimes I just tell her to get in the car and we'll get coffee and listen to music while we drive aimlessly. Other times I I'll take her randomly to a bookstore to wander the aisles for hours, something that bores me but something she loves - it helps with conversations as well since she can talk about the books she looked at or purchased. Sometimes for no reason she'll take me to a comic book store or a game store so I can look around - again, another conversation starter.

I guess what works for us is keeping up the surprises and spontaneity involved. /Sure we fall into ruts, and sure we fall into routine, but it takes hard work to break out of that. I dunno if that helps any...

[*Laurie*]

Three years and you're bored? But you 'still love each other'? Are you sure?

[amk188]

Do you both have any shared activities that you both would enjoy doing? if so, ask if he would like to go and partake in that activity with you. Or have you considered finding a new activity that both of you could experience for the first time?

[MooseMoose]

In my opinion, anything not interesting isn't worth pursuing. If I were you, I'd break up with him ASAP.

[Grandessa]

Oh my gosh! Relationships over time change, for goodness sake. I am in disagreement with this "moving on" because things aren't this or that. A relationship, for me, requires trust, respect and safety. Part of the "safety" part is knowing you can be changing at different levels and you will wait for your lover to catch up, or he will wait for you. This is so fundamental that I am taken aback by others who think only in the "now."

I wish you the best. Times with our beloved aren't always interesting. Building a relationship for the long term is!