I want to date and think about online dating, but every time I think about going back on OkCupid, I feel sick. I was hurt very badly by someone I dated from there last year. While I feel more over it now (he acted like an asshole and turned out to be very immature in the end), I still have very mixed feelings about online dating. I have been insulted by men online in this capacity, I have met complete creeps. I think I would have to be ok with 1. Not dating for a while, like, not settling, which I don't want to settle. I set the bar too low before) 2. Having my profile up (this is the scariest part for me, putting myself out there). And 3. The possibility of coming across that guy's profile. His profile image was from a date we went on.

I have never had luck on match.com. I'm not even sure if I use it right, because I've never really had messages after I've paid. I also find it less personable.

You know, I just feel so much stress and anxiety about online dating now. I don't know if it's worth it to me. I think I want to put up my profile. But then I freak out and want to take it down. I shouldn't let the mean actions of some, dictate what I do. I don't want to date just because I'm lonely or horny, is another thing. I'm shy though.

I will have to be more patient. But it just seems everyone and their mother is with someone.

Dating in real life, I think, may take longer, but it also might be more worth it, in my opinion. Online dating has always been very discouraging to me.

[NEGuyfromBritain]

To be honest I'm not keen on online dating. All my profile pictures suck because the good ones I have are with ex's. I don't really do taking selfies and if I'm with someone I like to have photos with them and not by myself. I also find it's hard to gauge what someone is like when you talk to them online and some people will suddenly just stop talking to you out of nowhere which is really bizarre.

Maybe you should try speed dating? I can't honestly say I've had success with it but that's because I've never kept at it for long. However I do prefer it because you can see people face to face and talk with them properly.

If you're worried though maybe you should stay single a while longer and love yourself first. I don't know, it's not so simple really and I would be a hypocrite to say it was.

I do actually think I'm going to stay offline and not date online right now. I feel too sensitive about the whole thing. But also, I am wanting other things, like a job, to move out of the parents house, and to conquer some other fears first. I actually like the idea of being single, sometimes, too. It sucks being lonely and horny sometimes, but honestly, I'm a big girl and I can deal.

[NEGuyfromBritain]

Originally Posted by starrysky

I do actually think I'm going to stay offline and not date online right now. I feel too sensitive about the whole thing. But also, I am wanting other things, like a job, to move out of the parents house, and to conquer some other fears first. I actually like the idea of being single, sometimes, too. It sucks being lonely and horny sometimes, but honestly, I'm a big girl and I can deal.

That sounds like a good plan, if you date offline like speed dating etc then I'm sure it will help build up your confidence for online dating if you want to go there.
It does suck being lonely and horny but I guess you always people on here to talk to for the loneliness aspect of it.

[Erebos]

This is a topic I know zero about, I have never 'dated' but equally I haven't had any problems finding a partner.
I wonder if this comes down to just not looking.
Some just met and we clicked, others were friends before we figured we liked each other.
Most recently I met up with a guy I have known for two years through online gaming.
We met just because we happened to be in town on the same day thought it would be good to go for coffee and talk face to face. We have now been together for 6 months.

The one thing these guys had in common? We met through mutual interests. Music, agricultural college, animal rescue and gaming.
I suppose what I am getting at is I am not sure about the wisdom in looking specifically for a bf. Sometimes it's when we aren't looking that things turn up.

Anyway, take care of yourself first and the rest will follow.

Incidentally did spend 6 years single too, and that was great for me because I really learned what I did and didn't want.
What I would and wouldn't put up with. And it taught me not to be afraid of being alone.

Originally Posted by Erebos

The one thing these guys had in common? We met through mutual interests. Music, agricultural college, animal rescue and gaming.
I suppose what I am getting at is I am not sure about the wisdom in looking specifically for a bf. Sometimes it's when we aren't looking that things turn up.

Anyway, take care of yourself first and the rest will follow.

Incidentally did spend 6 years single too, and that was great for me because I really learned what I did and didn't want.
What I would and wouldn't put up with. And it taught me not to be afraid of being alone.

That is awesome advice. Thank you. It reminds me that I, too, have really only met guys I liked and who liked me back when I wasn't even looking, and just enjoying life.

[graystreet]

I have never done well with online dating. I know people who have, but their personalities are much different to mine. I understand your fear completely.

I also never understood the "It'll come when you aren't looking" thing, either. I haven't really been looking for years, and I haven't dated seriously in years. I don't know that I want to, because for me it tends to end up to be more trouble than it is worth, but there is always that hope/dream in the back of my mind that I may end up paired off with someone. That I'll be an old lady drinking tea and reading with someone while our two cats sleep in the sun

[LiteraryLark]

I've had an OKC account since I was 18 and used it off and on. It's only been the past couple weeks where I've really been putting myself out there. You have to trust your gut. Either you want to put yourself out there or you don't. Don't feel like you have to. If you're not in the right place, you're not in the right place. For the past several years 99% of the messages I've received have been for booty calls, which is not what I want. So I am taking the initiative to search for guys I might be compatible with. Just had a sucessful date that never went anywhere. Now I'm talking with an uber nerdy guy who may or may not be a successful date. I'm not fond of uber nerdy guys, but so far, nothing I'm not liking. So you never know. OKC and any other dating website can be dangerous because you never know who the person is truly like until you date him in person. He may be the sweetest guy in the world or he may be the scariest guy in the world. You just never know. But it's all in your control. You have to be ready to put yourself out there, and there's no rush if you're not.

[graystreet]

Originally Posted by LiteraryLark

I've had an OKC account since I was 18 and used it off and on. It's only been the past couple weeks where I've really been putting myself out there. You have to trust your gut. Either you want to put yourself out there or you don't. Don't feel like you have to. If you're not in the right place, you're not in the right place. For the past several years 99% of the messages I've received have been for booty calls, which is not what I want. So I am taking the initiative to search for guys I might be compatible with. Just had a sucessful date that never went anywhere. Now I'm talking with an uber nerdy guy who may or may not be a successful date. I'm not fond of uber nerdy guys, but so far, nothing I'm not liking. So you never know. OKC and any other dating website can be dangerous because you never know who the person is truly like until you date him in person. He may be the sweetest guy in the world or he may be the scariest guy in the world. You just never know. But it's all in your control. You have to be ready to put yourself out there, and there's no rush if you're not.

I've been online on and off for about 13 years I think I'm probably over the scene. It's just not working for me. I did meet a really nice guy (I'm the person who posted "Friendzoned") but my "crazy" kinda pushed that into non-dating territory. That tends to happen, and I don't know that I want to keep navigating that. It's pretty hard on me.