[Cupcake38]

My husband of 25 years started working away. He got a great job, a new lifestyle and things seemed okay. Over the time he came home less and less. I was at home looking after his elderly parents and the grandchildren. He was working long days and there didn't seem any point in relocating plus he wasn't encouraging that. Fast forward 3 years and he starts getting nasty and always fights when he comes home. The only time he smiled was driving away. Things got worse and I started to find evidence of an affair. He cut me off financially and told others we had separated. I decided to fight for my marriage and for the past 2 years I have hung on. I drive 5 hours to see him, I have kept in contact and stayed "up beat" even though he has been maintaining a relationship with another woman. It has been heart breaking. I have seen pics on the internet of them !! However, I have stayed determined and a couple of weeks ago I noticed a change. He started telephoning me. I thought maybe the girlfriend is gone.. and she is. He told me it's over and she has someone else. Not sure if I really believe him but something has changed. Now I need to stay focused and get my husband back even though I am so hurt, angry and betrayed. I want my marriage to work so please I need some positive success stories. I have been through hell the last few years and I deserve this to work. Advice please.. P.s. I did think of leaving but I love him..

You say you "deserve this to work".

Is that all you deserve?

[TishaBuv]

I know of one couple who had affairs and ended up back together. I wouldn't exactly call it a success story. It was just an issue of money and convenience in the end. I'm sorry you went through this and wish you the best.

[Trippin2.0]

Idk about this... All that chasing you did after your own husband to no avail, and now suddenly you're good enough when his floozy finds someone else?

Reconciling on such shaky grounds doesn't seem wise.

I agree with SM, you deserve much better than this, you deserve to be someone's first choice, not comfortable back up plan.

Best wishes to you.

[Crazy Hitch]

I can't fathom why you'd stay, honestly, you deserve so much better. I think you stay because it's better to be with "someone" than to be alone. He's not a husband in the true sense of the word, at all.

[Blanche_deveraux]

As far as I have seen the success stories come from those who leave.

[Cupcake38]

I've given alot of thought to my situation and why I've chosen to stay.. (at this stage) I do love my husband and even though I don't understand his behaviour I can understand his choices. I know my marriage will never be the same but I'd like to give it one more try with all the cards on the table.. If the connection is really gone and if I can't forgive him then "so be it" but I want to know for sure. Is my live unconditional? Can I forgive him ? Who knows till I try. Will he love me again? sho knows until i give him the chance.

Not to say you can't work through this but I would think he absolutely has issues to address about why he did this in the first place - I wouldn't think this woman being gone is the end of it. The fact also remains she left him so he did not choose to leave the relationship rather it was forced on him.

Sorry to sound so grim but you deserve better. He needs to win you back not just sidle back in when this other woman has had enough of him.

How is staying with him an advantage to you?

[TishaBuv]

The part that concerns me even more than the sexual betrayal is how he cut you off financially. That shows major callousness to me. You are caring for HIS parents, and he cuts you off financially. To me, the heart is one thing and the wallet is another.

[Erebos]

What exactly do you love about him?
The way he has showered you with affection?
The love and appreciation and thanks he has given you for looking after his parents.?
Perhaps it's the time and Care and money he put into showing you how wonderful you are.?

Maybe you love the way he treated you when you confronted him about his lover. Or he way he left you financially destitute. Or maybe it's the utter b.s and lies he told about you that make him so endearing.

And now his mistress have dumped him,because she at least has got wise to him and realises he won't treat her any better than he,has treated you.
His beds getting cold so he is giving you a call to try his luck.
Sure it might work, if he admits his part in it, comes home. Doesn't work away anymore, because I promise you he will do it again.
How do I know that?
Because there are no repercussions for his horrendous behaviour.
You have laid down and quite literally allowed him to walk over you. You might dress it up as strong d determined. I can assure you he will see it as a weakness at treat it as such.
Enjoy the apologetic stage while it lasts, because unless he has a reason to change he won't.

One last thing. You take him back, that's it. You can never bring up the affair and use it as a stick to beat him in an argument.

To be honest, I would not want to be with my fella after he had been sticking it in someone else.(apologies for my crude terminology, but it is what it is.)

Anyway I actually wish you all the best, good luck trying where so many others have failed.

Oh...One more thing, is it really that you love and cherish this man or that your more afraid of the unknown?
That your too afraid to start over? Nothing wrong with that,but at least be honest with yourself if that's the case..
It's much more likely to work out if your both honest about why your there.

All the best, Take care.

[Trippin2.0]

I think positive success stories come from those who's partners realized the error of their ways, and fought tooth and nail to fix it...

The way you write, I get the picture that you are the one doing all the work.

That speaks volumes.

I understand the mindset of "its not over till its over" (Been in one of those relationships myself) and therefore I can ask you with conviction "At what cost cupcake?"

You've already been rejected, betrayed, financially abused, and stripped of your dignity (by chasing after a man who didn't want you)... What else must you lose or endure before you say enough is enough, and will it be worth it?

(It wasn't for me)

I'm sorry if I seem harsh, but reality checks are very rarely comforting, and right now it just honestly seems like you're thinking with your emotional mind and not paying much attention to your logical mind. You're so fixated on loving him and "getting him back" (which confuses me because I thought he is back), that you're leaving yourself behind... Which is sad.

Look, if he's groveling at your feet, doing everything he can to please and appease you, AS WELL AS going to therapy / marriage counseling to find out what the hell went wrong, then I say sure, give your marriage a shot.

But if this is still a one way street where you are wanting to make it work and all he's doing differently this time is showing up?

Then sorry to say, but I don't see a fairytale ending.

I wish you the best though

[Hairball]

I wonder who he would choose if his mistress begged him to come back. Her or you?

[RainyDay107]

The marriage may be irretrievably broken, sadly. That tends to be the case when one partner will not own up to his mistakes and issues and isn't self-motivated to work hard to rebuild trust to repair the marriage.

In the abundance of caution, go retain an experienced divorce attorney. Ask about alimony. Get therapy for you. xo