Trying to be Supportive

I started dating this guy about a month ago and everything was going GREAT for about 2 weeks. Then he had some life changing news. He might be a father to an 18 month old boy. We went from absolutely great to barely speaking. He keeps telling me that he is just trying to process everything. And that he's not really speaking to anyone just working and trying to keep himself busy until he can get things figured out.

He doesn't try to make any contact with me. If I text him he will normally text back but the conversion never goes very far. I've tried making plans to get together but he is always busy doing other things.

Everyone keeps telling me that he is just stressed and that he needs some time and space. I have backed off and we only speak about twice a week. This wednesday will make 2 weeks since everything has gone down hill. Things don't seem to be getting any better. I'm trying to be there for him and be supportive but I don't feel like it's getting anywhere. I don't know whether to keep doing what i'm doing or just give up and walk away.

It sounds like he is no longer interested, and stringing you along with the whole "I'm not speaking to anyone right now," bit. That news he got could very well have made him confused, and maybe he is thinking about changing his direction, or going back to the mother. I hope this doesn't sound harsh. But thats what it sounds like to me. He's blowing you off, and its the very beginning of the relationship? Don't waste anymore time on a guy who ignores you and doesn't respond to your attempts to contact him. I'm really sorry this is happening by the way, that it was really good, and then suddenly, not good. If it's meant to be, it will be. But you don't have to pine over him right now. Take care of yourself.

There is no way to know how long recovery takes from such news, or how it will change his life.

First of all, I would ask if you believe this news. Getting a paternity test seems straightforward: Is he doing that?

Assuming that you believe him, I would not suggest that you keep doing what you are doing; it does not seem to be working.

I think it is a little early to give up and walk away, under the circumstances, if you are still interested. A third option is just to wait, to give him time and space. You could decide to wait and see where things are in two, three, four weeks. You choose the length of time that you are willing to wait. You could tell him to contact you in the next few weeks if/when he is ready. If he doesn't contact you within the time you set for yourself, then you might decide to give up and move on.

It's only been 2 weeks that you were really going out or doing well together? it's a new (very new) relationship and for most people a strong tie with a new gf or bf isn't made in a month. The news of a child is big news and I won't even begin to try to imagine what he has on his mind now. Just keep in mind it's not something to be taken lightly for him, whether he wants to continue with you or not, this is something he should not ignore. I believe he really does need to sort out a lot of stuff first.

What you can do is be patient and try to understand his situation without taking it personal. Try your hardest to imagine being a guy that has found out he is a father to a child from a former relationship and what that means, how much impact it's going to be on his life going forward. in a case like this there isn't really any reason to believe it's about you in any way, that is, that his lack of talking to you as much is about being uninterested now. He has good reason to step back from everyone and think things through. this is major.

@starrysky: I'm not sure how you picked up him being uninterested in the short post. Sounds like you assume that his statement that he's not speaking to anyone is just a line.

I think I misjudged this.