[Apple2017]

Hi,
ok so I'm in a very difficult situation. My wife and mother do not get along. To the point where at one time it got PHYSICAL!

My mother has always ran the show, told me what to do how to act ext. She, I'm my eyes is a bit over whelming when it comes to controlling a situation. Yet, she has helped me a ton financially and giving me the things I need to become successful.

My wife also runs the show and I'm fine with that. i have a great life and I am able to what i want to do most of the time when i want to do it. I have a wonderful wife who also supports our family financially.

My issues began on my wedding day when my wife hired a personal photographer and they were taking pictures and so was my mother. The photographer asked her to stop and my mother became visibly upset. my mother does not have one wedding photo or photo at all of my wife and i in her house.

My wife and i had a kid and there were a few problems after the delivery and my mother couldn't stop texting me about why she couldn't come back there and see the baby. i tried to explain but she assumed my wife was not allowing her to come see the baby because my mother in law got to see the baby right after delivery. (hospital rule or some type of regulation).

My mother wanted to open up a bank account for my kid. My wife and i told her no. that is something that we want to do and we want to have it under a 539. i fought with my mom for months about why she couldn't do it. My mother also thought my kid didn't have my last name because i wouldn't give her the social for the bank account.

My mother also complains about my wife and all of her issues to me and then i end up telling my wife because I'm under so much stress from my mother and i cause even more tension.

Almost done!!!

then we went out of town and people were drinking and having fun. and my dad made some accusations about my wife being too drunk to care for my kid. i disagree with him. my wife and mother left the hotel room to go to my moms room WITHOUT ME and 5 min later my wife comes back with scratchers on her face saying my mom attacked her. i never got the truth but this is from my wife " my father was yelling at her calling her an "F-in B!!!" and my mom was blocking the door way and my wife tried to leave. tried to push/hit my mother out of the way and was attacked. my mother says my wife cold cocked her and then she went after her (SUMMING IT UP)

Now its 6 months later we moved across the country to my wife's home town and are supposed to be going back for the 4th of July. they still have not spoken and where we celebrate is a cabin in the woods and its very close quarters.

i have to take my son to see them separately without my wife. I don't want keep my wife from not coming with me especially on holidays. And i want my wife to be there when her son is having fun and i want her to enjoy it and witness it as well!

i don't know if there are any good articles that i can share with my mom and wife to bridge the gap of forgiving and forgetting.

I'm lost on what to do and i get a lot of pressure from them both to resolve the issue

[Trippin2.0]

I don't understand why you are under pressure to fix this.

The problem lies between wife and her MIL, those two parties should sort out their shyt and stop looking to you to fix it.

Oh, and don't squeal on either of them. You telling wife what mother said, and vice versa is just causing more problems. Keep it to yourself and if you can't, then don't offer to listen.

Honestly, if you are committed to your marriage and child, you may need to break off interactions with your mother. That is an extreme step, but if you can't tell your mother to knock it off and treat your wife respectfully, then you owe it to your family (your marriage and your child are now your priority) to create a peaceful and loving home without the old family drama. It sounds like both of your parents border (if not cross) the abusive line.

If you want to continue seeing your parents, then yes, the best solution is to do so without your wife, but I would not do that during holidays and occasions when you should be spending your time with your wife and child. Don't expect your wife to put up with being treated abusively by your mother.

I would also suggest you tell your mother you will not listen to any complaints or negative comments about your wife, and she is not allowed to do so in front of your child. If she does, you hang up the phone or you leave. If you aren't willing to stand up to your mother and put an end to her negative comments as a show of support for your wife, what does that say about your respect for your wife?

Oi. Time to estrange yourself from your mother. She sounds very overbearing and I wonder if she has some narcissistic traits too.

The issue is that your mother wants to control your life despite the fact that you are an adult, married with a child of your own. Your mother has terrible boundaries and she wants to keep her boundaries with you enmeshed, so she can know your business 24/7 which is very dysfunctional. She may be miserable with herself in her own life, and thinks that by controlling your life, that will bring her joy again. My aunt is like that. She meddles in all of her adult childrens' lives to the point where 2 of her children have permanently estranged themselves from her, because she can't take "no," for an answer.

This isn't just an issue between your mother and your wife. This is an issue that involves your entire family.

I would highly advise total estrangement for now, from your mother; that means that you need to change your cellphone numbers, change banks, block her from your social media (Facebook, Instagram, etc.).

Yes, that sounds drastic but believe me sometimes drastic measures are necessary when people invade our boundaries and refuse to stop doing it, even when the other party tells them to stop.

If you want to resume contact with your mother, give yourself at least a 3 to 6 month break from any contact with her. She may threaten you and your wife in some way, but it's just a bluff, to make you succumb to her overbearing will. I have watched this scenario play out both ways (either estrangement, or continued enmeshment with no change or improvement) in real life and on talk advice shows.

But, if estrangement is not possible, then you still need to block your mother from your life in ways where she can't interfere with you, your wife, or your child's life.

[Crazy Hitch]

Apple, you don't need to take on the role of peace-maker between the two of them.

The reality is; they're very different personalities and in a lot of ways - thank goodness you've moved away!

I'd limit their interaction and take your son to see your mother by yourself.