Did i do the right thing?

A close friend made me a business proposition and is now mad at me because I wouldn't do it. I would have had to take out a loan which I do not want to do. They want me to take out a loan to start a business i know nothing about (but they do) and they offered to run the business for me and help me with learning it. They said the business will provide a nice supplemental income for me. This person in the past has made empty promises to me, ignores my calls when they feel like. So this isn't an ideal situation to go in and i just didn't feel comfortable but i feel bad because they are mad at me. He's making me feel stupid for passing up this opportunity. He also has a criminal background ( few years old but its still a background to me) but i truly thinks he forgets i know this. He claims this business money would be all for me. But the fact that he offered to give up what he does to run it for me doesn't sit well and i wonder why he's so mad that I don't want to do it if it truly was to help me. I feel he may try to do something criminal or take some of the money from me especially since I don't know the business. I did the right thing right? Why is he so mad that i'm now being ignored?

I think that you did the right thing.

I myself would not invest money in a business venture that I know nothing about.

His background and the way he treats you makes me suspicious of him and his plan.

He is giving you emotional blackmail. This means that if you don't do what he wants you to do, he will try to make you hurt. He hopes thereby to influence you into changing your mind.

Don't do it!

The fact that he is hurting you over this tells me that he is not safe enough, and not mature enough, to borrow money for and to go into business with. In my mind, it just confirms that you did the right thing by saying no.

Good job!

What Bill said.
Don't touch this deal. If it was all about you, it shouldn't bother him your not interested.
He is mad because he had a take in this himself, and needed you collateral.
Your instincts are dead on, and this is almost certainly dodgy.
Don't feel bad, you done the right thing.

You absolutely did the right thing!

He's mad at you because you didn't give him the money. If he stays real mad at you, he might decide to stop having anything to do with you. That would be wonderful for you because this guy is only out to use you.

Do not give him a single thin dime . . . not even one penny. I'm sorry you feel bad. But, if you get involved with this guy, I promise you will feel a whole lot worse than you do now. Plus you will owe money to the lender. Plus you will never get any return on this "investment." This guy's a con artist, which you already know.

If you gave him any money, he would just come back in a few months (or weeks) and tell you he really, really needs you to take out another loan. Then, after a while, he would tell you to go to another lender and try to get a third loan. Each time he would get mad, if you didn't do it.

If you are willing to do anything to keep someone from being mad at you, then you have a really, really big problem. Having someone get mad at you is okay. It might seem unpleasant, but it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong.

This guy is not making you feel stupid. You are having some thoughts that really aren't very smart. I don't believe you are stupid. But you are claiming to have doubts about whether or not you should go along with him. Something in your past history with this man makes you feel you want to be loyal to him, even though you know good and well that you shouldn't give him money. You don't need him, or me, to tell you what to do. You are smart enough to figure out the right thing to do. So make a smart decision and stick with it.

@Rose76 the part about taking out another loan after the first is spot on because he said once i reap the benefits from the first one i may want to purchase another one. He did say that. The reason i feel stupid is because he made this sound so good like I would be missing out if I didn't partake in it. So I thought well i really may be missing out so for thats why i felt that way. I asked him well what would i do if something breaks, who's going to pay insurance, etc. h said you will but i will help so i said no way i cannot afford to take on that risk. My credit score is excellent and i plan to keep it that way. And thank you for what you said about having someone mad at me doesn't mean I'm doing something wrong. This is what i needed to hear.

You definitely did the right thing!!

You did the right thing. Hold firm. He sounds like a con man who doesn't have your best interests at heart despite what he says.

This "friend" is after the money and wants to use you to get that money, or so it seems to me looking in from the outside. Never ever take advice from someone that insists you take a loan out for something. Especially when it's clear that they have a stake in what they are suggesting. Offering to run it for you? Come on. If he wants to run a business and knows it's such a good prospect and opportunity wtf isn't he taking the loan out himself and doing so? I'm sure there are a few people that might be motivated purely by wanting to help a friend but it's rare and with his anger following, I just don't see it as something that was merely his trying to help you at all... no there is an ulterior motive here.

yes, in a nutshell you did the right thing.

Exactly, why doesn't he take out the loan himself. I asked that and he just was adamant that it was a proposition for me and since its for me to earn supplemental income i have to take a loan out. Let me say i am not at all broke or in need of money but yet he thinks this would be great for me. He already has a business of the same type well I honestly think his dad owns it but he's very familiar with it. I don't know how much the criteria differs for a personal vs commercial loan but i'm thinking he has bad credit or something or possibly trying to fly under the radar because of his criminal background. Who knows? But its a big rig that he wants me to buy and I don't even know how to drive one!!! He even knew one was for sale and wanted me to buy that one. So he had already planned this evidently.

Ahhh the plot thickens. Clearly he wants someone to carry the burden of investing in the business. I think you're on the right track with the idea that his criminal record and/or bad credit is keeping him from doing it himself. Run away!!!

He is not not not not not not not doing this so you can earn supplemental income. This is a scheme for him to make money off of.

He is not done pressuring you. I repeat: he is not done pressuring you. You're going to get more pitches from him about how this is a great way for you to make money and how you're stupid, if you don't take this great opportunity. Stick your fingers in your ears and don't listen. It 100% pure baloney.

There's a bigger problem here. Of course you're not broke! I know that without knowing anything about you. He wouldn't be bothered with you, if you were broke. He knows you can lay your hand on some money, one way or another, especially since you do have credit. He's going to bug the heck out of you till you almost want to give him anything, or something, to ease the pressure. That's his plan, and he will be working it. This guy is not your friend and does not care about you. Find yourself a new friend and stop calling this man. He will never do anything for you, except figure ways to get money from you.

Go join a nice church. Find nice people to be with. This guy is a criminal. Get him out of your life by not talking to him.

When you show no interest on this scheme . . . watch . . he's going to come up with a new reason why you should give him some money. Eventually, you're going to have to break off contact with him, or have him bugging you and bugging you.

Definitely wanted me to carry the burden. It also would be easy to take some of the earned money from me off the top because i have no idea how much money is made off of a truck load. So this really is to benefit the selfish person he is.

A few days prior to this so called proposition he was calling and texting more than normal being very nice asking how i'm doing, good morning texts, and he misses me blah blah blah. Which i found odd because he would go weeks without calling he'd just text but i had been getting both in the days leading up to this proposition. Now that i've said no those calls and texts have stopped. So i see exactly what he was doing and he's making it my fault. I'm sure if i called and asked him why i was being ignored he'd say he's been busy. Hurts but i have to see it for what it is....a person out to use

I'm sure - in his mind - nothing is ever his fault.

You have believed that somehow his thinking would straighten out. It won't. No matter how good to him you could ever be, his opinion of you would always be based on whether or not you granted his last request. Say "no" and you go to the crap list, no matter how many nice things you've done. The trap is that, when you say yes, he just loves you to pieces, and can seem like a good guy for awhile.

Rose76 you are just nailing this! Very true no matter what i do nothing changes with him. I keep hoping for the best but always am disappointed. Nothing is ever his fault because he will justify it somehow, say he doesn't remember, or pin it on me. If it will benefit him great he'll do it but if it will benefit me he's too busy or he doesn't remember saying it.

Lady, I know what that hope is. And I know it's hard to let go of, especially if you've come to care for someone. He may even have a few endearing qualities that make you say, "Well, he can be a good guy at times." (Almost nobody is 100% bad.) So your heart softens, and - basically - you end up genuinely confused. Then you try to logic your way out of the confusion. I think the problem is failure to grasp that his way of thinking is radically different from yours.

I went through this with my screwed-up brother, who also has issues with the law and creditors hunting him down with allegations of fraud. I love my brother and woukd do just about anything for him. But his opinion of me rests squarely on whether or not I granted his last request. He didn't cheat me out of money (though he cheated every credit card company he borrowed from,) but he would want other favors and he woukd want me always to agree with him on anything he said. I learned to just "yes" him to death and not waste my breath debating with him, but I couldn't do every favor he wanted. And, believe me, I did plenty. If I said "no" to him on anything, he would go off mad and not talk to me for weeks or years at a time. And, while his nose was out of joint, I could be desperately in need of some help on something, and he would tell me to screw off. I could be in a hospital very ill, and he would not care if I died. This is what I mean by saying these kind of people think altogether differently than you and I do . . . and we will never understand how minds can work that way. You can't figure them out using logic because they are fundamentally irrational in certain respects. That's why trying to talk a thing out gets you nothing, but frustrated. Their minds don't obey the same principles of reason and logic that we try to pay some attention to. So you will absolutely never convince them that they are mistaken about anything. They can be intelligent and able to figure out lots of things, but, when it comes to taking responsibility, they have a mental block that there is no getting past. I will always be in the wrong, in my brother's mind, whenever we are at odds, or I don't agree with his perspective. It took me years to grasp this.

That's why these guys can do criminal things with a clear conscience. They have it all figured out that what they did wasn't really wrong in their particular situation. All humans rationalize to some extent. We all make excuses for ourselves. But these guys take it to a whole higher level than you or I could ever imagine getting away with. From their perspective, they are the ones who are being wronged.

Another thing I recognize as familiar is your friend wanting to "help" you. My brother had ideas (schemes) of ways my life would be better, if only I would do exactly what he told me to do. And he'ld be so incensed that I wouldn't fall right in line with his plan for how my life could be better. The fact that he goes in and out of jail regularly, while I've never been in any kind of legal trouble, doesn't make him think that maybe he's not the best person to give out advice.

I haven't heard from my brother in years. I'm kind of sad about that. But I have less craziness in my life. If he reconnected with me, I now realize that it would only lead to problems for me. I say a prayer for him every day, but I would never again try jumping through the hoops he would want me to, ever again. Lady, I think you need to come to a similar conclusion. This guy's idea for the both of you making money is a bad idea, and probably not even completely legal. Never mix your money with his or with him and you will avoid serious trouble for yourself. But that will break his little heart, and you will be the bad guy, and you will need to accept, "Okay. I'm the bad guy. However, my decision is to say no, and I won't keep letting you talk to me about this. If that means you're mad, then go be mad. Sorry you feel that way, but that's how it's going to be."

If you're not used to dealing with people this firmly, then this is an excellent opportunity to develop that skill. Look at it that way. It's okay - and even necessary - to disappoint others now and then. You will become more comfortable with doing that as you practice standing your ground.

I think you did the right thing. It's never right to trust anyone blindly, however close they are. If your friend is really a good friend of yours then he will understand.

Rose thanks for this. I'm sorry about your brother and they do have a mental block about certain things. I've known this guy for 3 years. He always told me I could ask him for anything. In that time frame i may have asked twice for something like for him to fix a cabinet or door frame or something in my house. So when i said no to his proposition he said so I'm supposed to always help you but you will never help me if i need it, is that how this goes? I feel this is how he was trying to be angry and turn it around on me. I was in shock because the small things i've asked is minor compared to taking out a loan!!!!! In the past year he's asked twice how's your credit score? I always lied and said I'm not sure. I had to get a new car last month so I assume since i got a new car it tells him my score was good and I probably can get this truck loan too. His timing of this proposition after my car purchase is Just appalling!

You did do the right thing, Dont regret your decision, I agree with the others that he is a con man and he got angry because he did not get his own way

Another piece of advice, don't mix finances and "friends."

Simple. Stick to it. Don't waver,don't worry and don't for one second think your wrong.

Chances are he has already got himself into trouble with someone, because he was banking on you coughing up.
Which is why he is in a bad mood.

Best. Case scenario you only lose the money.
Worst case scenario you end up filing for bankruptcy, and wind up with a criminal record.

Next time you have a project around the house that needs doing, hire a handiman. You don't go borrowing money to fund someone else's scheme. He has to live within his means. Lending a friend money is a quick way to ruin a relationship.