[livelaughlove_94]

I'm gonna try and be as basic as I can with my question, so you don't have to read pages of rubbish lol

...I'm basically extremely skeptical that I'll EVER meet anybody in the future who I'll feel a close connection with and who feels the same way about me too

The reason why is mostly because of a relationship I was in with someone in the past where there was a big feeling of care and respect (he was always caring, there for me and faithful) on his side. The reason why that r/s buggered up was because I met this fella when I was young, insecure and in a very dark place. In VERY basic terms... I hurt him. We can't be together for that reason.

I've only just started realizing, 5 years down the line now, that I care about this fella so much and wish I'd said yes when he'd asked me to marry him 3 years ago -seems like 10 or 20 though with how much I have changed now. Unfortunately as I said I can't be with him and so there's nothing I can do to be with this guy

I'm so frightened and upset that I'll have to settle for someone who I don't feel these feelings I feel for him for :S I've heard of marriages and r/ships where one or both people involved don't really care about eachother -I'm terrified that'll be me in the future because I screwed up with the guy I was with in the past and had my chances with him

Can anyone offer me any advice or anecdotes at all? I'm so scared I'll just be alone and without someone who cares forever ?

[EndlessDark]

I wish I could help, but I feel a pretty similar way that you do. I'll be 34 this year, and other than a brief online relationship I've never had anyone. I truly feel that I'm cursed to live my life alone because I just don't see anyone ever wanting to be with me. I feel that I will just get desperate enough eventually that I too will just have to settle for someone I won't really have strong feelings for, just so I won't have to be alone in my life anymore.

I did ruin the online relationship I had going, I let my problems get in the way of something that really seemed special and now I regret it so much. I got to a point where my problems were getting to me so much that I ended things, which was a stupid choice to make because I know she really cared about me. So now I worry that I will just mess anything else up too.

I guess if I could offer some advice it would be to stop letting your past hurt your future. Yeah it sounds like you really had something special going on, and I'm sure that's painful, but if you just dwell on that one missed opportunity then it will just lead you to even more missed opportunities because you will be stuck in the past. I think it's just time you moved on, try and forget what happened, and try and find someone else. So you messed up once, okay everyone makes mistakes, but you have to learn from that mistake so it doesn't happen again.

Anyway good luck. I don't know you but I bet you're a good person, so just keep trying I'm sure you can find someone else just don't give up.

[Rose76]

Don't overly idealize the relationship you had in the past. If you do, nothing will live up to it. Had it endured, it would not have been perfect, either. You have some good memories of the guy, but he wasn't who you needed at the time, so it ended. Maybe you mistreated him. Couples survive problems like that. You and he didn't. Put him in your past where he belongs. No future relationship will be ideal either. You'll get close to someone, if being close is what you value.