[Werewoman]

My husband gets really offended if I point out that he has an attitude about my bipolar, but his words and body language say otherwise. It's not that big of a deal to me, simply because there are bigger issues for me to worry about, but I am curious if this happens to other people battling MI, too.

Originally Posted by Werewoman

if I point out that he has an attitude about my bipolar

I have never said this to my H; but when a H and I fight, the subject can come up (all's fair in a fight?). Recently, he said, "I think you need electroshock or something..." When he said this he was the one who was aggravated not me. I simply had not executed what he wanted in the exact manner that he had suggested (an issue involving someone else, my T has said that it is not good when I am the go between when two other people don't get along--She is right). Sometimes a fight has nothing to do with MI, it is just that when you are in a fight, one or both of the fighters use anything from each others past to deliver a verbal punch!! That includes MI. Don't know if this describes any of your arguments.

[Werewoman]

Yeah, it kinda does...except he'll ask me things like, "did you take your meds today?", knowing full well that I rarely miss a dose. I hate that!

[Trippin2.0]

No, and if he did he wouldn't be very significant at all.

I'm never not going to have bipolar, I can't imagine sharing a lifetime with someone who I felt looks down on me for something I didn't choose, cant cure, and is such an integral part of my existence...

Buuuuut, that's just me.

[Werewoman]

I've been with him for 25 good years. You don't just throw that away.

All I'm trying to point out is that society in general doesn't understand MI, so I'm not surprised the people around me don't really understand it, either. It just irks me when he acts like that.

Also, I am not easy to live with, I know, so I think he deserves a little slack.

[Crazy Hitch]

I don't think my bf looks down on my bipolar.

But I don't think he really knows what it's about.

He's tried as best he can to educate himself ... but sometimes he's so off key when he says things like, "You're not hypo are you?" when I'm excited about something.

Maybe we aren't easy to live with but sometimes our SOs aren't easy to live with either.....

Also, sometimes I want to keep some of my symptoms to myself (when I can); I am around him 24/7 and need to have some privacy. When I am feeling stable though it is hard to hide extremes....

[Werewoman]

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

Maybe we aren't easy to live with but sometimes our SOs aren't easy to live with either.....

Agreed. I think it's called 'being human'.

[Trippin2.0]

I wasn't trying to compare our situations, I'm very well aware that you've been married for 1/4 century, it would be stupid to throw that away over stuff that could be worked around... Especially if your MI wasn't dxd and understood before tying the knot.

I'm speaking from the opposite side of the tracks, and that's why I said what I said, I still have a life time to offer someone, signing it off to someone who looked down on me is not something I could or would consciously do.

You're right, not many people understand, I'm lucky in that my bf was my friend for years before we started seeing each other so he knew I was nuts long before I saw a doctor. Also he's had his own experience with depression and anxiety, so gets some of it.

My thing is this though, I've stopped seeking understanding, I've realized that acceptance is enough for me.

[Werewoman]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I'm lucky in that my bf was my friend for years before we started seeing each other

That's great! I have found that being friends first is vital to a healthy relationship.

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by Werewoman

That's great! I have found that being friends first is vital to a healthy relationship.

I hold the same belief, its the best foundation.

My H has in the past said some unkind things about my state of MH, and usually when he has been frustrated and lashed out at me. It became a pattern of behaviour at one point and it was very destructive - we were never like that before (I had better MH for many years), it was a bad phase in our relationship.

We had a lot of serious talks around this time and he changed his behaviour. I would urge others who feel their partner is adding to their stress in this way to talk it through with them and explain how hurtful it is to be disrespected. If they care they will listen.

[Rose76]

Like Crazy Hitch says, above, my S/O just doesn't really understand much about it. He really has no interest in learning, either. He says, "I think this is just something you do to yourself."

But he has made the snide comments . . . like: "I think you need the dosage upped to about a million milligrams." or "I think of you as the woman of a thousand faces."

Lastly, I'ld like to say that the non-MI, those with no psychiatric disgnosis, aren't necessarily any less challenged by psychological "issues." He's been every bit as much in need of understanding and support as I have ever been. I'll bet that's true of the S/Os of most of us. Everyone's got baggage. Mine's no worse than his.

[Erebos]

My fella really really doesn't get it. He has had depression brought on by stress but after 3 months on meds he kicked it, so it is very hard for him to understand.

So he doesn't try, he just knows this is me, and this is what you get.
He keeps all my appointments, remembers when my script needs,refilled and yeah he sometimes says "have you taken your meds."
Because he knows what would happen if I didn't.
And I would rather he asked me and I not have forgotten, than forget and him not ask.

And it bugs the he'll out of me cos he will sometimes say "oh...you must be due on ?" And you know what...he is 9/10 right. Because he can see my tics and behaviours changing before I ever notice them.

So I realise for me, understanding isn't important so long as he is happy to take me as he finds me.
And he is. But I know it's not the same for everyone.

[divine1966]

I don't have MI.

My DH has Tourettes with severe OCD. Of course I don't look down on him or I'd never marry him.

But there are times I need to ask if he took his meds. On very rare occasion he forgets them (he also has ADHD that is common with Tourette's so he forgets things).

He doesn't mind I ask because on occasion he forgets and it makes him realize that it's time to take it! Last time he forgot it, he had hard time at work (blurting stuff, twitching and obsessing up to the point of being unable to finish a task), so we discuss some strategies like maybe keep few pills locked in the car in case he forgets. Meds are for OCD but they also help with Tourette's symptoms. Asking if someone took their meds isn't necessarily offensive. Depends on why one asks

I also on occasion ask "is this OCD? Or Tourette's? Or just you?" We gave joiking way about it) It helps me understand what's going on. If its Tourette's and OCD behavior then it's no problem. If it's just him then I'd like him not to do Xyz. He doesn't mind if I ask, it makes him slowdown and think what's behavior is about. Etc

It's not always easy to live with someone with pretty severe Tourette's but it's much harder to live and be successful with actual Tourette's . My husband wouldn't marry me if I wasn't understanding or look down on him.

I don't know why people stay with those who puts them down (MI or anything else)

[Werewoman]

Thanks for your input, everyone. It's been very helpful. Yesterday, when I talked to my T about it (hubby was with me), he said I needed to learn to
'compartmentalize' my husband the way I do so many other things that I see as threatening that actually are not. In other words, he doesn't look down on me; it's my perception that he is. When he asks if I've taken my meds, it's out of concern, not disdain.

Why is it so hard for me to do that? Compartmentalize him as a safe person who understands me, because that's who he really is. It's my perspective that's warped.

[Unrigged64072835]

My husband has depression due to his MS. He does ask if I took my meds. It's usually, "Yes, and you?"

He doesn't look down on my MH because he has it too. And the pot calling the kettle black doesn't cut it.

[Rose76]

I think everyone's S/O looks down on them from time to time. Your therapist has his opinion. Maybe he's right. Maybe he's wrong. But you can't dwell on the notion that your guy looks down on you and be happy. If there are things you wish he'ld rather not say, tell him so. Then he should refrain.

Don't make a habit of bringing hubby to therapy with you. Once in a while is a good idea.

I agree with Rose that not everything we come across within our relationship is necessarily connected to our MH and it's often just the natural 'ups and downs' of life together long term.

[SgtRock]

My s/o used my mi (major depression) as an excuse to look outside our relationship for intimacy. And he found it. Then told me it was my fault because he couldn't find what he wanted at home. So much for 15yrs.

[Werewoman]

Originally Posted by SgtRock

My s/o used my mi (major depression) as an excuse to look outside our relationship for intimacy. And he found it. Then told me it was my fault because he couldn't find what he wanted at home. So much for 15yrs.