[NEGuyfromBritain]

Ever since my last relationship where I caught my girlfriend messaging 10 other guys behind my back I've found it really hard to smile. I know that probably sounds weird but I've done Yoga and meditation and to a certain degree I feel probably 80% at peace. The other 20% is the niggling heartbreak that just won't leave me alone and sometimes manifests as nightmares and panic attacks through the night.

Anyway generally I feel like my mind is peaceful enough not to think about what she done and the past but every time someone smiles at me I feel like I'm really making physical effort to try and smile back, it feels foreign. It almost feels like I'm fighting myself to do it and I can't understand why. In past if someone smiled at me it would be infectious and I would smile back, now I feel like I consciously have to force one out of politeness so I don't look rude or get concerned questions.

Has anyone gone through this before? Is it just a time heals wounds kind of thing? Will it come back again?

[Skeezyks]

Well... from my perspective time does heal a lot of wounds (not all of them.) I can't say I've been through something like this exactly. But, over the years (decades really) I just become permanently sad. I wouldn't go so far as to say I never smile. But I don't smile much. And when I do smile, it typically tends to be more of a smirk than a genuine smile.

Yes, your smile may well come back given time. However, since you mention you've done meditation & yoga, here are a couple of thoughts. I've read that there is research showing that smiling, even if it's a forced smile, tends to brighten a person's perspective over time. Apparently there's something about using the muscles that create a smile that elevates a person's mood. And in line with this, forming your mouth into what is typically described as a "half-smile" during meditation, is something one often sees recommended in books on meditation practice.

The other thing I would mention is that, from the perspective of the ancient Tibetan Lojong ("mind training") practices, something such as you describe would be considered an excellent opportunity for practicing mindfulness & self-compassion. It is a practice referred to as compassionate abiding. Here's a link to a mental-health-oriented description of the practice:

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

May it be of benefit.

[Sunflower123]

It sounds like you're still processing the betrayal. It will come with time.

[Entity06]

You really shouldn't feel bad about it, it's only normal, you went through something potentially traumatic, it hurt you and there's no set amount of time for healing.

Plus, just because you don't smile, it doesn't mean you look gloomy or upset to others, or that you are particularly gloomy or upset.

[thedotseparator]

Consciously smiling back gives you - if just that - the awareness of how human interactions are important.

[DechanDawa]

[quote=NEGuyfromBritain;5617289]Ever since my last relationship where I caught my girlfriend messaging 10 other guys behind my back I've found it really hard to smile. I know that probably sounds weird but I've done Yoga and meditation and to a certain degree I feel probably 80% at peace. The other 20% is the niggling heartbreak that just won't leave me alone and sometimes manifests as nightmares and panic attacks through the night.

Anyway generally I feel like my mind is peaceful enough not to think about what she done and the past but every time someone smiles at me I feel like I'm really making physical effort to try and smile back, it feels foreign. It almost feels like I'm fighting myself to do it and I can't understand why. In past if someone smiled at me it would be infectious and I would smile back, now I feel like I consciously have to force one out of politeness so I don't look rude or get concerned questions.

Although your words say you are mostly content your behaviors speak the truth. I believe you have more than a niggling heartbreak. It sounds like that relationship is in the past but your continue to suffer. Have you considered a few counseling sessions? Talking about this to a professional might help. Good luck. You need to resolve a few issues in order to bring your smile back full on. PS I smile naturally. When I am not smiling it is probably because I am going through a rough patch. I have never smiled while meditating as that would feel quite unnatural.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by NEGuyfromBritain

Ever since my last relationship where I caught my girlfriend messaging 10 other guys behind my back I've found it really hard to smile. I know that probably sounds weird but I've done Yoga and meditation and to a certain degree I feel probably 80% at peace. The other 20% is the niggling heartbreak that just won't leave me alone and sometimes manifests as nightmares and panic attacks through the night.

Anyway generally I feel like my mind is peaceful enough not to think about what she done and the past but every time someone smiles at me I feel like I'm really making physical effort to try and smile back, it feels foreign. It almost feels like I'm fighting myself to do it and I can't understand why. In past if someone smiled at me it would be infectious and I would smile back, now I feel like I consciously have to force one out of politeness so I don't look rude or get concerned questions.

Has anyone gone through this before? Is it just a time heals wounds kind of thing? Will it come back again?

I think that in reality you're not being honest with yourself. The way you describe how you feel and behave right now seems to me that it's like 80% of you is trying to convince yourself you're at peace rather than facing the actual fact that you're still in turmoil.

Nightmares, panic attacks, the inability to genuinely smile and feel true joy in the moment speaks more loudly that you're grieving, hurt and likely depressed at the moment.

Don't give into the idea that pretending you're at peace with what she's done. It's called denial and it's only going to keep you from truly healing and moving on. True, time does heal wounds like this but not if you keep shoving the truth inward and forcefully trying to convince yourself you're at peace.

[NEGuyfromBritain]

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I think it's like a couple of you have said, I think I keep convincing myself I'm at peace and at times I feel like I am but it's forever niggling at me and I can feel it now when I'm going on dates, I'm struggling to feel comfortable and not distance myself because I automatically feel like I don't trust them not to hurt me in some way. I know I need to process the feelings but it feels like it's been so long and I just want to move past it all and get on with my life now. I feel like my heart won't let my head move on

I will see if I can find some appropriate counselling, I always struggle to find these things other than by first explaining myself to a GP.