[taosoul]

Hello!

Recently I met a 30 years old woman, she is divorced and has a child.
A little bit background about her, she grew up with an abusive father, her mother is addicted to drugs. Her father left when she was four years old (she says he used to beat her and she hated being around him).
She has had dysfunctional relationships throughout the years.
She openly speaks with about her past, her father, her pains and sorrow... saying that it's not usual for her to open up to that level...
I feel strongly her being guarded, avoiding, flinching when I give a hug, so I'm very patient and attentive to her needs, trying to give her the necessary space, though my emotions and needs take over at times, wanting already to give her a huge hug and a kiss, but her being guarded doesn't allow me to...
I have known her for about one and a half months. I have emotions for her and the slow progress makes me doubt at times if I ever be able to build a meaningful relationship.

I would appreciate any comments, as I am emotionally involved, so any viewpoint from outside might shed some light.
Love & light.

[taosoul]

I would like to add few more things.
She is emotionally blocked, not showing any emotions towards me. It's difficult to know what's going on with her, though she is there with me, which means enough.
I initiate most phone calls and willingness to meet (she mentioned once it's difficult for her). All these make it harder for me even more, because I'm used to at least some feedback. I try to be super understanding because this is her personality profile.
I try to be pure love and plow forward..... my attraction to her is strong and it's difficult to stifle it at times.

[Skeezyks]

Hello taosoul: Well... I don't know if there is a lot I can offer with regard to this. From what you wrote it doesn't sound as though this lady has really dealt with what happened to her growing up. And that being the case, what I would expect would be that she is unlikely to change significantly... at least not for the better. And, assuming that is the case, I think what you're going to have to come to terms with is if your feelings for this woman are sufficient to overcome the limitations you're currently experiencing. Only you know the answer to that question.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[Open Eyes]

I am sorry you have that challenge, sorry for you and sorry for your partner. It sounds like this woman has suffered from so much abuse that she could be suffering from complex PTSD or borderline personality disorder and while it's not her fault, she may never really be able to be "relaxed" and comfortable in a relationship without a lot of help in therapy. Therapy that you cannot give her and something she has to reach out for on her own. She has to heal and work through her past and if she doesn't do that she will be distant and hard for you to understand.

[Sunflower123]

I agree with Open Eyes. This woman needs therapy and I don't now if you can love her well if that makes sense. Have you discussed with her the possibility of therapy? It sounds like you are doing all the running in this relationship. It might behoove you to stop and take stock of where this relationship is now and where it might go in the future if she doesn't get help.