Is this a sign of emotional abuse?

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life; I highly recommend it!

I am going to leave her and that's with all the help I've received here that's made me realise what a nasty woman she really is and she has certainly shown her true colours.

That will be tricky of course but I know what you mean.

She has even told our kids (6 and 10) when she was angry to 'Get a f**king grip' which is absolutely despicable.

Suppose you leave her. What if you find yourself more miserable afterwards?

I actually don't know just how nasty a woman she is, or isn't. Clearly, she's got some very off-putting tendencies. But you gravitated toward her, for something she offered, that you thought you needed. Possibly, you may not be done needing that.

Being with an abuser is like drinking poison every day. Abusers rarely change unless they admit their abuse and want to change. They are excruciatingly insecure and take out their anger at others. They have issues they refuse to look at or admit. Everything is someone else's fault in their world.

I'm not sure how I could feel more miserable after leaving her. Ok, maybe because I won't be used to not having her around or doing things with her?

I think she has abused me to the point of submission, and by that I mean making me 'depend' on her?

She has never admitted to her abuse or even acknowledging that she has a problem. Her father has even said that he is sure she has some anger issues from her previous marriage in which she was abused both verbally and physically..........not that I'm condoning her actions/behaviour.

You are spot on, she always blames me or the kids for her behaviour and it's always our fault.

I may have missed some info; whose kids are they? Hers, yours, both of yours together? This may complicate your break up.

Her controlling abuse built up over years because you accepted it. Had she tried her control tactics, and you flat out told her, "You do things your way, I do things my way", the relationship might have ended right there and then, or she might have bent to compromise.

I'm not victim blaming. I'm just pointing out, that she is going to be shocked that you've suddenly taken notice of her controlling ways and found it so unacceptable, you are leaving her.

I agree, she probably can't change.

You tried to be a nice guy and put up with a whole lot, until it got so out of control you couldn't take any more and had to leave.

I guess I'd explain that simple truth to her. I hope the leaving process goes well for you and for the kids.

Sorry, I should have said that they are her kids from her previous marriage.

She asked me to move in with her about one year into the relationship and in my opinion that's rather quick to be doing stuff as serious as that.

I may be to blame for moving in and agreeing to it even though I wasn't fully ready.

Are you really recommending he stay with an abuser? Please tell me you are not...

I must admit that that did cross my mind too.

I really hope you will not consider that as being "good advice".
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Not at all no.

Good - I was worried.
I know it would confuse many in your situation.
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I don't know why, but it does seem like you are advocating that the OP stays with his fiance who is abusing him. That makes no sense to me at all. And seems like very bad advice. And it seems like you're insulting the OP for being a victim of his fiance's abuse, which also makes no sense because it seems very insensitive to me.

Phew! Remember this is a forum. You don't have to take any advice that doesn't help you.

This is how I understand Rose76 Post:

There is something you saw and or needed in this woman which made you choose her.

If you are not done needing that specific thing, you may end up with dating a carbon copy of her in the future.

So its important to identify what need it is she met in you, in order for you to address it.

Example: Maybe you had a need to submit to the will of another... Just because you're done being submissive with her does not mean you wont seek out another domineering partner...

Patterns tend to repeat themselves until we figure them out.

People who give advice should NOT be attacked. Attacking them in another thread telling to ____ ____ ____ up etc is not nice.

Hmm, where was that said, by whom and who was exactly named in the thread?