Overwhelming guilt....

So there was a guy who I went out on a couple of dates with and he and I talked about getting serious someday and that we were proudly proclaiming we had both never cheated on anyone before in our lives. After the second date, I was beginning to realize that it wasn't working out, that I couldn't feel anything for him, despite he and I having thousands of things in common and all. He and I kind of left off things by sort of not talking to one another anymore. It was all kind of weird.

Anyways, a few weeks later, I start up my Match.com profile again, thinking, "Well, we weren't really being all exclusive or anything, and he and I left things kind of...eh?" I guess I was trying to make things end more definitively in my mind. Along comes another guy, via the dating site, and though we have less things in common, he and I just click better, I feel. We've gone out on one date already and made plans for a second (watching a movie tomorrow). We've been texting AND talking on the phone, before we met, and I plan on calling him again tonight.

The catch? I feel guilty about seeing him when things were left so enigmatic and up in the air with the first guy. You see, I've NEVER really been the one to break it off. I never initiated a break up before, and technically, since we weren't even dating exclusively yet, it wouldn't constitute as a breakup in any sense of the word, yet I couldn't just fess up to the guy that things weren't working out. All of this is new territory to me really.

So, the whole situation has me feeling super guilty and that I've somehow tarnished my record of never cheating on anyone before even though I'm technically NOT cheating. It just feels like I am I guess. I am certianly going on that second date, I'm just going to have to get over my feelings of guilt and "man up" as it were, despite being a woman. I guess I just need to grow a pair, albeit figuratively for obvious reasons.

So you only went on a couple dates with the first guy, found things weren't working and then you stopped contact? If I have that correct, then you were nowhere near close to a relationship and therefore aren't cheating in any sense. Go have fun with this second guy, hope it goes well!

I agree wholeheartedly.

Thanks. I feel a lot better!

If you only went on few dates. It's not a relationship at all abd not even proper dating yet so no need to have official breakups or feel guilty. Few dates don't mean anything. Just continue meeting people until you meet right one

I think you can learn from this challenge. You have wondered why you have had people let you down and not give you a reason right? You have talked about how that had a negative affect on your self esteem. Well, now you know that even though this other guy was nice and you had a lot in common, you just did not click and it did not mean there was something wrong with him. Maybe the feeling of guilt is more about not letting him know or giving him the courtesy of having feedback where you could feel better about moving forward and meeting others where you may make a better connection.

You have a big heart and a kind soul. You deserve guilt-free fun with your next suitor. Enjoy yourself!

moogs