[RichardBrooks]

I have been struggling for a long time now with loneliness. I can't seem to find a way to connect with people. I reach out, but my calls go unanswered and unreturned. I feel like I have little if anything in common with most people I meet, and I don't know how to bridge the gap between casual acquaintance and friendship. All my interactions with people are business transactions. I have clients, coworkers, and other business contacts. I haven't been on a date in over 2 years, and can't remember the last time I spent any time out with friends. And this is not for a lack of trying... I invite people out, but no one accepts my invitations... I ask women out, but I get turned down (or stood up)... even family members suddenly find other things to do when I suggest spending time together.

To put this in perspective, I am somewhat socially awkward, but by no means antisocial. I have Asperger's, but I was not diagnosed until I was already in my 30's, and oddly enough I actually had quite a few friends and relationships prior to my diagnosis. Growing up with undiagnosed autism was difficult, and I did struggle socially, but I spent years overcoming this. I have done a lot of work to develop social charisma, and I know I have been somewhat successful, because I have built a successful business, do a lot of public speaking, and have run for state office. I am well recognized and well liked in my community.

But there is still this wall between me and other people. It's okay to buy my products and services, okay to vote for me, but not okay to hang out with me? I am a successful entrepreneur, highly intelligent, charismatic, and not bad looking, but I can't get a date? I feel like I am living 2 different lives: one the successful, happy, guy that everyone likes and who spends most of his time helping people; and the other that I go home to at night… the one who lives alone, eats alone, watches movies alone, who never gets a phone call or goes out with anyone, who has no family or friends or dating life.


It's a very lonely existence, and I don't know how much longer I can continue.

[Fallen.Star]

I can't offer you too much on this as I have absolutely no social life and haven't encountered this, so i could only offer ideas. Maybe they are just very busy and caught up in their lives, work and have a lot going on. but they are missing out. I'd be very lucky to have you as a friend. I'm sorry I can't help you more.. I just don't have much experience here either. Is there maybe some other ways you could try getting out and meeting some new people? Make some new friends? Dating? Safely, of course

[eskielover]

Just in general, dealing with a person on a business level is a lot different than dealung wuth them on a personal level.

Behaviors & ways of interfacing are more easily tolerated on a business level than on a personal level.

Having grown up with a Dad who died long before Aspergers was even diagnosed, I know after deeply researching Aspergers in relation to my own husband in my own marriage because of behariors that created serious problems, both had behaviors that were only explained by Asperger's.

I know that people had a lot easier time tolerating the behaviors on a non-personal level & my parents had no friends & the only friends in my own marriage were people I knew & we didnt get together often as it was except in large group occasions. Everyone seemed to avoid intimate personal get togethers.

Having grown up in that environment I had no idea how to have friends either besides just acquaintances. I did have only one good friend growing up. It wasnt until I left my marriage & now have a social life which took a lot of working at to figure out how to do, that I was able to compare the first 54 years of my life to the last 9 years.

I know that many people just avoided being involved, while others had no idea how to put what they were feeling into words & others said nothing for fear of hurting feelings so they just avoided any close personal contact at all.

Growing up I had no idea that REAL emotional connection was missing in my life as it was a lack that was made to feel normal & brushed off. Turned out, same thing was missing in my marrisge without my understanding until much later but what I came to learn was that my H thought what he was experiencing was emotional connection by just doing the RIGHT thing though no feelings came through in those actions which just came across as mechanical & we had no idea at the time what we were really deakung with. There was no name or understanding for what was happening so it did nothing but create bad feelings & fighting on both parts.

Every person is very different. Spectrum conditions are just that way & you are opviously very high functioning as far as your business goes as my H was high functioning with his computer engineering career which I was in also.....but yes, the struggle to connect on a personal level is not easy & at best VERY DIFFICULT. All I can say is keep trying. There may be one person that will connect with you & that will be good. I wish I knew a magical answer to your problem but growing up in that envirinment Im not sure I see one other than to keep trying & dont give up.

[Mystery007]

im sorry i feel the same way

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by RichardBrooks

I have been struggling for a long time now with loneliness. I can't seem to find a way to connect with people. I reach out, but my calls go unanswered and unreturned. I feel like I have little if anything in common with most people I meet, and I don't know how to bridge the gap between casual acquaintance and friendship. All my interactions with people are business transactions. I have clients, coworkers, and other business contacts. I haven't been on a date in over 2 years, and can't remember the last time I spent any time out with friends. And this is not for a lack of trying... I invite people out, but no one accepts my invitations... I ask women out, but I get turned down (or stood up)... even family members suddenly find other things to do when I suggest spending time together.

To put this in perspective, I am somewhat socially awkward, but by no means antisocial. I have Asperger's, but I was not diagnosed until I was already in my 30's, and oddly enough I actually had quite a few friends and relationships prior to my diagnosis. Growing up with undiagnosed autism was difficult, and I did struggle socially, but I spent years overcoming this. I have done a lot of work to develop social charisma, and I know I have been somewhat successful, because I have built a successful business, do a lot of public speaking, and have run for state office. I am well recognized and well liked in my community.

But there is still this wall between me and other people. It's okay to buy my products and services, okay to vote for me, but not okay to hang out with me? I am a successful entrepreneur, highly intelligent, charismatic, and not bad looking, but I can't get a date? I feel like I am living 2 different lives: one the successful, happy, guy that everyone likes and who spends most of his time helping people; and the other that I go home to at night… the one who lives alone, eats alone, watches movies alone, who never gets a phone call or goes out with anyone, who has no family or friends or dating life.


It's a very lonely existence, and I don't know how much longer I can continue.

I feel like a lot of people tried to give you advice on the other thread you started. I still think trying a therapist again could be helpful.

[Jellyfish18]

Originally Posted by RichardBrooks

I have been struggling for a long time now with loneliness. I can't seem to find a way to connect with people. I reach out, but my calls go unanswered and unreturned. I feel like I have little if anything in common with most people I meet, and I don't know how to bridge the gap between casual acquaintance and friendship. All my interactions with people are business transactions. I have clients, coworkers, and other business contacts. I haven't been on a date in over 2 years, and can't remember the last time I spent any time out with friends. And this is not for a lack of trying... I invite people out, but no one accepts my invitations... I ask women out, but I get turned down (or stood up)... even family members suddenly find other things to do when I suggest spending time together.

To put this in perspective, I am somewhat socially awkward, but by no means antisocial. I have Asperger's, but I was not diagnosed until I was already in my 30's, and oddly enough I actually had quite a few friends and relationships prior to my diagnosis. Growing up with undiagnosed autism was difficult, and I did struggle socially, but I spent years overcoming this. I have done a lot of work to develop social charisma, and I know I have been somewhat successful, because I have built a successful business, do a lot of public speaking, and have run for state office. I am well recognized and well liked in my community.

But there is still this wall between me and other people. It's okay to buy my products and services, okay to vote for me, but not okay to hang out with me? I am a successful entrepreneur, highly intelligent, charismatic, and not bad looking, but I can't get a date? I feel like I am living 2 different lives: one the successful, happy, guy that everyone likes and who spends most of his time helping people; and the other that I go home to at night… the one who lives alone, eats alone, watches movies alone, who never gets a phone call or goes out with anyone, who has no family or friends or dating life.


It's a very lonely existence, and I don't know how much longer I can continue.

Have you tried talking to a relationship or life coach? You have a business so you should be able to afford one. What do you personally feel is the issue in more personal interactions, do you have any idea or clue?
I understand well how you feel and because you are talented and hard-working, you deserve better. Because I can't see you in social interactions, I cannot give you advice because I can't see where you are going wrong. Try asking family members for honest opinions and open up a bit about your loneliness, they know you well so might be able to advise you.
Please keep us posted how it all goes, I hope you will make it because we all deserve fulfilling lives.