How to be a better friend

It feels I am lacking something, perhaps. I would like to be a better friend, I just can't feel what way to go about it. Try not to give the obvious "listen to them back" stuff ... but what would be poor friendship material? Why would someone have no closer friends? Thanks.

i wish i could help you, i am horrible at keeping friends. they all seem to get bored with me or whatever.

that being said, besides listening, i would say checking in is big, like just randomly. asking to do things with them, letting them cry if they need to, doing nice things for them, for no real reason

That person may have reasons for not having closer friends like trust, self esteem, or abandonment issues. Aside from that...showing interest in someone, finding common interests, building the connection like dodgersmom suggested and maintaining it might work. Best wishes.

I don't fully understand.. why don't you feel you're a good friend? What makes you doubt that? Sorry

Hi
I think listening is important though to being a good friend. Being understanding too. But I think wanting to be around that person and enjoying their company and them feeling the same way is a good friendship. Being happy for their successes and them being happy for yours. Having good memories together and being there when they need it...all this being said having good friendship is hard to find but treasure it when you find it

So what if you have abandonment issues? What can you do about that? You can't fix feeling alone but you try to have friends and if they're unresponsive, you feel more alone. And you need friends, everyone does. It's like the "bond" that should be there, isn't there..?

I actually do have abandonment issues and am working on it in therapy. I just have to remind myself when with my friends that I see whe world through the lens of abandonment which can sometimes impact the friendships negatively. Keep working on it. You'll make friends that you are interested in and that are interested in you. Can you explain more about the bond that isn't there? Is this with everyone? Have you ever had good friends? Just trying to understand.

Sorry, no advice, I'm afraid...not sure if this is helpful, but, I feel the same. I have lots of "virtual" friends....but real people, like, those you hang out with? I have two such friends. I think, the harder you try, the worse it becomes....not sure why you don't think your a good friend, but your not alone. Perhaps not helpful, but hopefully of some comfort.

Best, light x

Thank you. Why do you have abandonment issues?
Well, it bothers me that I feel shame somewhere inside of me I think. I think that's what I mean by the bond. I feel when relaxed, I am not a very good person. I am working on that.
I sometimes think (probably because of this) that "these people aren't good enough" or I just shy away when trying to be closer. And I am very sensitive to feeling teased, etc. I used to be teased a lot, even by my "good friends", in a non-good way. I don't want to deal with that. It is also hard for me to do chit-chat in a way that people would enjoy... or is that true? I don't know.
Example, I contacted some people of my past recently and they just have not responded... I worry if I am making a bad impression on people sometimes.

Also I don't think I was brought up too well. I am not too polite or "correct" when I open up which most people are. But I still want to be good company very much. How can I achieve this?

My abandonment issues come from being adopted and from being raised in a very dysfunctional family as well. I think your issues (especially shame) might come from your childhood too. If you have a tendency not to be polite or correct...deliberately catch yourself in the act and change it. I had to do that with my anger problem. That was hard. I'm glad you're working on your issues. You'll soon be making friends that you bond with. Best wishes.

I am sorry to hear about your childhood. You seem like you dealt with it well.
I have a communication problem I think... even when I want to, it's hard for me to get close to people. I don't know the right things to say so it doesn't come across annoying or inappropriate at the time. It's "small things" but they make an impact. I would like to have someone to practice with consistently but friends choose you according to how interesting you are, and... you can't make anyone want to take the time out to speak to you. I don't want to bother people but I desperately need speaking and relaxing.
By the way, could I PM you?

Of course. You can PM me anytime. I check the forum several times a day. Hopefully you'll come across the right 'diamonds in the rough'. I have social anxiety and tend to be an introvert but one of my good friends saw something in me and just would not let up. She'd send me cards, texts, emails and sometimes she'd stop by the house. I'm very comfortable around her now and have a friend I love dearly because she wouldn't give up. I hope the same for you.