[Nod51212]

Hi, trying to get some advice, help, anything. I have finally realized I don't know how to begin to start to help myself. Just in case it helps to know I've was married for 10 years and I left him and have 3 kids, so I would think I could figure this out, but I feel like I'm losing my mind. For the past couple years I've noticed my anxiety getting worse. Feel like my mind is always thinking the worst. A couple of years ago I went on Wellbutrin after a breakup bc I couldn't even handle it. Well I pulled myself together and a year ago met my amazing fiancé. The beginning was great, like I was on clod 9. But we had some struggles, he cheated with his ex, and he has his own self body issues and put himself on a dating website for validation. After that I forgave him, but my anxiety came back worse than ever. As a result I literally drive myself crazy thinking while I'm at work he's cheating. What's he doing, who's he with. To the point I'm actually pushing him away. I went off my Wellbutrin a few months ago and I felt like I got worse. I've been back on it for 5 days now and pray it helps. But even when I was still on it my mind just won't calm down. I just want to be happy and enjoy our relationship and my mind won't seem to let me. I literally feel like I'm losing my mind. And losing my relationship I'm the process. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[Agent Misty]

just because you decided to "forgive" him, it doesnt mean you "accept" him. To accept him would be to accept that he is a person with the capacity to cheat. To accept him is to acknowledge there is a chance that it could happen again without fear but awareness.

Does that mean you spend each waking hour worrying about when it might happen? No. Not if you actually want to have something with him, which includes the part of him that is weak and may cheat. You would have to simply accept what happened, the way he is, and that it could happen, without being paranoid of when. If you want to be with him anyway, he, a person who has cheated, then your only option is to deal with it if it does happen, and only then. Not worry if it will happen. It may not happen again at all, but your obsessive thoughts about it happening will not prevent it from happening. It will happen anyway if it was going to. So staying with him and worrying about it until it happens will not yield any different results versus staying with him and NOT worrying about it until it happens... Except you will save yourself all the stress up until then. I don't know if that helps at all. I'm not going to tell you to leave him. I'm just saying if you want to stay, you need to accept what he is. Its like living next to a volcano. It could go off. It could not. But it IS a volcano and it absolutely does Posess the ability to erupt. That is certain. But if you want to live next to it, you cant spend the rest of your life worrying if it will erupt. You just have to manage it if it does. If you are going to worry if it will erupt all the time.. For your sanity you will have to move. If you get what I'm saying with that.. Metaphor.

[Sunflower123]

Agent Misty is right on point. The fact that he cheated would give me serious pause and the dating web-sites would be a huge red flag. I would go one step further with the volcano metaphor. Some are dormant, some are active and some in between. This is not the dormant volcano. Having said that, anxiety is the pits. I've learned from various posts that Wellbutrin can increase anxiety. I take a large dose of Wellbutrin. Could you see your pdoc for something to help with the anxiety? You need some relief.

I wish you the very best and hope you come to a decision that brings you piece.

[Bill3]

How is your anxiety now compared to how it was before you met your fiance?

[Nod51212]

To be even more honest I found his profile on a dating website a few weeks ago, blamed me that he didn't trust me and he would screw me over before I did him. And now I come home from work this morning to figure out that he went out after I left at 10:30...wth. Claimed to go smoke a cigar...than why not answer my text. I know I need to go, but I love him more than I've ever loved anyone before. I just feel devastated right now

[Nod51212]

So I just texted him I'll move out at the end of June...I really don't wanna to go, but I don't deserve this and really don't know how I'm gonna handle this