[ace333]

Just as the title says

Here? Or do you need to call someone or???

[ace333]

I suppose on here, not suicidal or anything that serious

[DodgersMom]

message me if you need

[Sunflower123]

Do you want to talk here? I'm also available if you want to private message me. I've found that only a select few on this forum judge others harshly or negatively. Most of the time you find encouragement and support.

Best wishes.

Yes, post or pm...

Don't forget, too, that folks here might have issues making them judgmental. So you have to let them deal with that themselves and ignore it for your own posts....

[MickeyCheeky]

You'll find plenty of people who won't judge you here.. feel free to contact them via PM (including me, of course )

[ace333]

If any of you have read my previous entries you'd see my bf of 8 years just brpke up with me for the second time. And despite all the horrible things that hes done to me over the years i dont see why i still want to be with him. I feel stupid for wanting too, and then for stupid for not wanting to because i dont feel like if we were to get back together that i wpuld be able to trust him ever

[ace333]

And its weighing sp heavy on me. Im sad and angry, have panic attacks then beat myself up for being so stupid, for trysting him in the first place

[MrMoose]

Hi--If we were all logical creatures we would weigh the plusss and minuses and come up with the solution. But we're human, and I don't know about you but when I think about my wife I bounce back and forth between hope and fear and memories of wonderful times and memories of awful times. And when I think of the great times some of them were transformingly wonderful, and I can't let go, I just can't...and when she's on a rage bender I want to run as far and as fast as I can.

I read some of your past posts about this, and you don't want to be in this relationship (from what I understand), you can't find it in yourself to leave, but you also don't want him to leave you. Do I have that right?

I think that some of us just can't stand being "left"....it's like maybe we're not good enough or we did something wrong or we're a disappointment. We don't want anybody to dislike us. It's always our fault and we beat ourselves up when we fail. No matter how much the relationship hurts, the thought that we messed up hurts MORE.

Maybe that's why your anxiety is so very high at the thought of being without him.

I will tell you that your thoughts and reactions are not correct. And I wish I could help you replace them or help you think about this differently.

What I can tell you is that sometimes it's you, but SOMETIMES it's them. In this relationship, he is the one who has problems, and not you. You could be the most beautiful, the most intelligent, the most witty----the absolute most perfect person on the planet, but HE will remain the same with the same problems and issues...

Sometimes we can love someone, but we can't be in a relationship with them. He is your addiction.

I suggest you gather your friends around you for support. When you feel like you want to reach out to him, or to beg him to take you back or to tell him you'll take him back, reach out to your friends and ask for help to NOT do any of those things.

It really hurts, I know it does. I promise you though, if you stay away from him, your anxieties will lessen and lessen. You just have to get over that hump. Which will involve treating yourself kindly for a while (cry, eat, cry, scream, whatever you need to do)....

Be strong. Don't talk to him or text him or email. If he gets in touch with you somehow, just tell him you need time and that's all you need to say.

Keep talking here...

[Sassandclass]

Pm me if you'd like to talk it out. Venting is good for the soul

[ace333]

I talked to him today, i was hoping he would come over and we could fix things or start to fix things, what i got was a person i didnt even recognize, i dunno if he was trying to cover up his hurt of him leaving me but it was sp bad i didnt know what to say or do. He was so mean and i just feel so pathetic. How can i love him so much and he treat me like this.

[Bill3]

How can i love him so much and he treat me like this.

The fact that we love someone intensely does automatically mean that it is a good match to be with that person.

He was so mean and i just feel so pathetic.

You cannot help your feelings in the moment; they are what they are.

You can, however, manage them over time.

If you stop all contact with him, I expect that you will start to heal; your feelings will change, in time.