[courts2797]

I'm really struggling at the moment with sex. I have been with my boyfriend for neally 6 years and have always struggled with getting turned on and loving sex. It's almost like I have a fear of it or look at it as a chore. I had been on the pill for the majority of our relationship and am now on citalopram for my anxiety, (but I can still have an orgasm even though I'm on citalopram, it just takes abit longer). I love him to bits and it's really upsetting me because i know it's affecting him, he's really supportive of me being so emotional and anxious but he still doesn't really understand it all. I just don't have that much of a desire to have sex, which is now making me worry about what if I don't actually love him and heaps of silly what if thoughts, when I know I do really love him and I couldn't imagine being with anybody else. It's always when he comes over (because I'm only 19 so we don't live together yet) it's like I dread the thought of having to have sex I would rather just go to sleep. And I'm afraid of ever being apart from him or oneday what if we break up. (Hopefully this all makes sense) I have just been to 3 counselling sessions with a cbt and also have seen numerous other counsellors, but still feel really stuck. I really want to get past this and be able to get turned on and want sex instead of wanting to just go straight to sleep because I know it's affecting him, he is very supportive of it although he doesn't really understand it all. I just want to get past this!! I want to feel like a normal human who wants sex and doesn't fear it or get anxious about it. We still have sex but I just can't turn off my mind while we are doing it. Please someone help me I have no idea what to do

[Bill3]

What did/do the counsellors say?

[Sunflower123]

I am interested in what the counselor said? Is it possible you have a low sex drive? Best wishes.

[courts2797]

Not a lot reg this problem as I went for mainly other things like seperation and homesickness from my parents, so they touched briefly on this but saying about thoughts and how u can't control your first thought but you can control what you do with it, so I've been trying to let the thought of "what if I don't love him" not have control but it's so hard. They didn't do a lot in the way of ways I can enjoy sex or have abnormal libido etc

[courts2797]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I am interested in what the counselor said? Is it possible you have a low sex drive? Best wishes.

I think I definitely do as I've never really been excited over sex but have no idea how to change it

[Bill3]

Perhaps a sex therapist could help.

[courts2797]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Perhaps a sex therapist could help.

The counsellor I just saw was a sex therapist aswell so I thought she might have gone into more depth about this but she didn't, may need to try another person

[Bill3]

What did she say or suggest?

[courts2797]

She didn't actually suggest anything now I think about it, she focused a lot more on my self confidence and just said how the citalopram will be making me unable to have an orgasm etc although I still can. She said how i obviously do love him otherwise I would know, and just said about the whole thought thing how you can't control your first thought but you can control what you do with it. She pretty much just gave me lots of paperwork about anxiety and thoughts etc, I just don't feel as if I have come out from counselling with knowing ways to change negative thought patterns. It's a tricky one :/

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having this dilemma. There is nothing wrong with a low sex drive. Have you talked with your boyfriend about this? Maybe you two could come to an understanding and just make sure you're on the same page. Best wishes.

[Bill3]

She didn't actually suggest anything now I think about it, she focused a lot more on my self confidence and just said how the citalopram will be making me unable to have an orgasm etc although I still can. She said how i obviously do love him otherwise I would know, and just said about the whole thought thing how you can't control your first thought but you can control what you do with it. She pretty much just gave me lots of paperwork about anxiety and thoughts etc, I just don't feel as if I have come out from counselling with knowing ways to change negative thought patterns. It's a tricky one :/

You have no further counselling scheduled?

[nicoleflynn]

First of all, I would have a physical checkup to rule out (anything physical)

[courts2797]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm sorry you're having this dilemma. There is nothing wrong with a low sex drive. Have you talked with your boyfriend about this? Maybe you two could come to an understanding and just make sure you're on the same page. Best wishes.

Thanks for your help, it's just hard because I feel like it's all my fault, and I hate the worries of what if I don't love him etc because I know I do I just don't know how to change my thought patterns. I've talked to him about it heaps but I know it's hard for him because he needs sex to feel loved if that makes sense that's a big thing for him so I know he struggles with it as much as I am.

[courts2797]

Originally Posted by Bill3

You have no further counselling scheduled?

Nope as I only got 3 free sessions from the doctor and I would have to pay $100 or so to continue going per session

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by courts2797

Thanks for your help, it's just hard because I feel like it's all my fault, and I hate the worries of what if I don't love him etc because I know I do I just don't know how to change my thought patterns. I've talked to him about it heaps but I know it's hard for him because he needs sex to feel loved if that makes sense that's a big thing for him so I know he struggles with it as much as I am.

it can't be your fault when there's nothing you have done specifically and purposefully to lower your own sex drive. You can't be at fault for "how you are" especially since you've said you've never really had that much of a sex drive. that's not a fault of yours. It just is.

For now you can only communicate to your bf about this. being in love and in a relationship does not require sex. it's not an obligation unless you make it so. But of course if your bf's sex drive is higher you would want to find a way to raise yours to please him.

There really isn't any answer to this that can come from the forum but it's not abnormal to have a low sex drive. some people do. Idk if a therapist can help you change that, only they can know, or someone who has dealt with it here can tell you that. But I'd try to make another appointment to talk about this specifically for sure.