[vlynnrn2004]

I recently divorced in 10/03, and have shared parenting with my 13 yr. old twins. I moved in with my boyfriend in 3/04 who has 3 boys. Ages 15yrs, 11yrs, and 3yrs old. The 3yr old drives myself and my 13yr old daughter crazy. He stresses us out so much. Some days I try to ignore him, but that doesn't seem to work. My daughter goes up to her room all the time just to get some peace and quiet. She wants me to move out so bad. I feel a wedge is coming in between my children and I. I love my children so much. They are everything to me. I also love my boyfriend, but his 3 yr old is a pain. Do I stick this out and hope it will get better, or do I listen to my daughter and move out. This situation has driven me to the point of depression and not being able to work. Yesterday was my breaking point of giving up on life. Thoughts of hurting myself flood my mind daily. I just want to run from it all, but I know that my kids need me. Is there any hope for me?

[lunarC]

hi vlynnrn
young children can be quite a handful cant they? you didnt say much about what it is he is doing to drive you mad but there are tried and tested ways to help children with behavioral difficulties.
a good one that you have tried is to ignore bad behavior but of cause this needs to be balanced with rewards for good behavior. small children must learn that there actions have consequences. it is part of growing up. may be try having a 2 hour period during the day where he get a sticker if he behaves for 5 minutes. if he is good give him lost of prase and let him choose a sticker. if he is naugty explain that he cant have a stick and tell him what he did that was unacceptable. dont be cross whit him just explain clearly.
time out is another useful tool. 1 minute time out for every year of the child. so 3 minutes for 3 year olds and so on.
for example if a child is jumpig on the chair the dialogue might run like this;
you;' johnny please dont jump on the chair'
johnny; 'no!'
you; 'please dont do that because you might break something or get hurt'
johnny ; 'no'
you ' this is the third and last time i will ask you not to do that johnny if you continue you will have to have some timeout to think about why you shouldnt be jumping on the furniturer'
be consistent and always follow through with what you say.
when the child is good and gets off the chair say thank you. that this point you might say would you like to help me out and set the table then you can choose a sticker for being good.
some children ( and adults come to that!) crave attention so badly the even a negative one will service. once they know that they will get prise and affirmation from you when the behave and be ignored it they play up they respond to that very quickly. in no time you could have a changed little boy. that is not to say it will be easy.
i wonder if there has been an upheaval in this little boys life? where is his mother in this? i think he could use some support. if you are fair, firm and consistent i think that will help him at lot. lots of cuddles and love are needed too.
make him a nice bright sticker chart. set targets for good behavour and have a reward system. ie. if he gets 10 stickers he gets a treat.
you need to involve the whole family in this and his school could give him stickers to bring home if he is good.
if you look online i am sure you will find resources and books that will help you and i wish you all the luck in the world.
you have a chance to make a really difference in this boys life and that will be very rewarding
take care
lunar

ｱﾘｶﾞﾄ♪(*'-^)-☆