Struggling to cope what he did to me.....so angry, torn, confused - WHY?

This is a raw nerve for me, a living, flowing current of pain! Have so many questions and no answers! I feel lost, up and down - like a roller coaster of uneven emotions - just want it to end, to errase history, I feel lied to - deceived!

How could he do this?

just ranting.....

Hello Sleeping Sacred Rose. I am sorry that you are struggling atthsi time with all of the emotional issues that you are facing at this time. I am glad that you are reaching out for the help that you need at this time. Your recovery will consist of taking one day at the time until things get better and more stable. Please have a crisis plan if you need help even if it is just to call a friend to talk to just to be able to release the anger and confusion. Take care of yourself. Soidhonia

Thanks!

You know what upsets me the most - I just didn't use my head, I don't understand why I did not respond logically - what was I thinking?

I guess everything is all opened up again - he rang me yesterday, I feel unnerved by it, angry, hurt - he said he wanted to work everything out....I feel I can't see straight in this situation....

Thanks again - my rantings.....

Rose. Then you need someone else to help you during this time. It is not necessary to take phone calls if you feel safer not taking their calls at this time. You can then have time to do things in a more timely manner and get the support needed for you to be safe and not lured into something you can not handle alone. If you need help dealing with the situation then get the support you need from a friend or someone else you can trust to help you from getting into a situation you can not handle at this time. There are 3 good things to do to stay safe
STOP
THINK
LISTEN

Stop and before you make any decision to do anything that you feel is harmful or crosses your boundaries mentally or physically think of the consequeces and are you safe in handling the situation alone if not then take the time to call someone else for a better or more stable opinion that is trustworthy

Think about not picking up the phone or being available to put yourself in jeopardy where if you pick up the phone you may be in jeopardy physically or mentally by being alone with someone that you do not feel trustworthy being around alone or jeopardizes your boundaries for ANY reason.

Listen to your self and others where your boundaries are being crossed in some manner that is not respectable or
that will leave you confused or incapable of defending yourself mentally or physically.

Take care Rose again I am sorry that you are struggling with your issues at this time. Just try to take things one day at a timeone problem at the time and never feel that you have to suffer alone when there is help out there for you even if it is only in the support room in chat at Psych Central, or in calling your new therapist if you have a new therapist at this time. The time to get the ectra help is when it is needed and that is what therapists are for to help when you are in need. Sincerely. Soidhonia

SSR, as hard as it is (and believe me I know) it's important that you don't talk with him anymore. I moved and changed my phone number. I'm not saying you have to be that drastic, but you might consider at least changing your phone number. When I had a tendency (and sometimes I still do) to minimize what he did, it helped to write out the cruel and hurtful things he said and did. While it was painful to do that, it helped me face reality. It's tempting to start minimizing the bad in order to hang on to the relationship, even when that relationship is toxic.

Another thing that helped me was telling a therapist what happened. It took some of the weight off my shoulders. I was so ambivalent about what to do, and telling the therapist took the decision of what to do out of my hands. I don't remember if you said you were in the U.S. or not but in most states in the U.S. (I'm not sure if it's all states) therapists have a legal duty to report this type of abuse. Telling a therapist was one more safety measure that I put in place to help me not communicate with him any longer.

It may be that he is contacting you now because he's getting nervous. Don't let him draw you back in to this.

I've asked the WHY question, so many times. I don't know that I've ever found an answer for that except to say that a therapist/psychiatrist who would do this has an overinflated ego and is basically screwed up in the head.

Excellent advice, Clare B and Soidhonia!

I will:

Stop, think and listen!!!

I have changed univeristies, thrown away my pager and started a new email account to try and be rid of him forever! I will now change my number as well!

When he rang, it caught me off guard - was actually shocked! When he was speaking, I felt I needed to go back for some strange reason, felt guilty, like I had betrayed his confidence! Thoughts and question race through my head - all confusion, angar and pain....

When my emotions are running high, what is rational seems to evade me....have compusions.....

thanks again, I know I'm ranting, but I feel safe to do so!

SSR

I felt like I had betrayed his confidence, also. Just keep reminding yourself that you didn't go into therapy to have to keep more secrets. He shouldn't have put you in that position.

It has been incredibly difficult, and unnatural, to cut someone completely out of my life. I've never had to do that before, but in this case it was necessary.

You don't have to walk this path alone. There are some therapists out there who understand it and can help you with it.

Went to NLP yesterday - it was interesting, went with my sister, but it is not T!

I do have a list of psychiatrist, but which is good, I have no idea!

Wish I had some direction where to go, whom to seek...

Thanks again!!

SSR, pardon my ignorance but what does NLP stand for?

I don't know how you find someone that understands how to deal with this. You may have to weed through a couple to find a good fit. If it doesn't feel right, then go somewhere else. I've found that you'll know pretty quickly if they get it or not.

ClaireB

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), is concerned with the processes of how we live our lives, and our patterns of behaviour and communication. Patterns include not only our observable actions in the world but also our thinking processes and the organization of our states of mind. This includes our emotions and how we use our attention with our senses. The focus of NLP as a discipline is in finding and creating patterns to build and teach models of human excellence. This activity is called modelling and is one of the key features that distinguish NLP from psychology.

By Chris Collingwood

SSR
xo

((((((((( SSR ))))))))))

It is very, very hard for us to escape our abusers. While I have not suffered the abuse you have, it has been very hard to not feel like I "should" communicate with the person who hurt me so much. It will get to the point, with good counseling and hard work, that you might think about it for a moment, but then you'll say, "No, that is definately not healthy for me.", and you will move on to think about other things.

You have been given the best of advice. I just wanted to add it does get better.

Hugs,

Jan

Thanks January - that makes logical sense to me! Just need to deal with these intense emotions now, as you and others have noted: good T!

I don't reside in the states, so finding a T will take me ages I guess!

SSR