Question

When two mature people have a relationship, then break-up, is it reasonable and mature to remain friends? Even when there's still some lingering feelings and one has moved onto a different relationship? Is it fair to tell the person with the lingering feelings to “suck it up” and remain friends with the other person?

I think that depends highly on the people and the situation. I do know of people that have broken up and have remained very close and dear friends.

But sometimes even if the breakup is mutual and amicable, there are just too many strong emotions (good ones as well as bad ones) that makes staying close difficult. Maybe in time it could get easier.

So yes I think it is mature and reasonable to remain friends, but I do not thing it is immature nor unreasonable if one or both of the parties find the situation just too emotionally charged, at least for a time.

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--http://www.idexter.com

I agree with Dexter. I would add that it is unfair that someone would tell the person with lingering feelings to "suck it up". How very insensitive to that persons feelings. The people saying "suck it up" are being selfish because they don't want to have to feel the pain that is with in that person right now. Nor do they want to have to negotiate the tension that is inevitable if they are mutual friends to both people. The person with lingering feelings should be allowed to morn the relationship, to be angery, to be hurt, to feel all those feelings even if some people may think it more mature to stuff it all down inside. Stuffing it is not a healthy way, or emotionally mature way, to deal with ones feelings.
Carrie

<font color=blue>If you have two dollars, spend one on bread and the other on flowers. The bread will feed your body and the flowers will feed your soul."--Arabic Saying

thanks both for your responses.

I was just unsure as to what I was feeling or if I was being immature in my situation. This girl and I have had a weird friendship for about a year. We dated for a while, then she broke things off. She began juggling me and this other guy for a while, then chose the other guy. Aside from the pain of being dumped, I've had to endure a lot of emotional turmoil brought on by her insensitive attitude towards me.

The last thing she did to me was misslead me for about a month into believing she wanted a relationship. She didn't, and denide that she ever mislead me. A lot of people thought she did, despite that she denide it. Eitherway, I still have lingering feelings for her so I knew this would happen again if I didn't do something. So, I took something she had given me, something symbolic to me, put it in a bag and returned it to her. She was hurt that I had returned the present but the message was clear that I was trying to forget about her and that she could no longer use me when ever it was good for her.

The next day I told her that it would be best for the both of us if we didn't talk outside of work. Whenever I told her it was hard for me to be her friend, her response would always be "suck it up" or "I think it's pathetic and immature that you can't be my friend just because I don't want a relationship with you!" Hurtful words I'd rather not hear again.

>> "I think it's pathetic and immature that you can't be my friend just because I don't want a relationship with you!"

But you're NOT keeping a distance because she doesn't want a relationship with you, you are keeping a distance because you HAD a relationship, developed strong emotions, and feel hurt by her. Different thing entirely.

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--http://www.idexter.com

I have an extremely bad word that I would call this person but since we have to stay civil here you may use your imagination freely with words you would deem appropriate. It seems to me that she is insensitive and lacks the empathy it would take to make a lasting healthy relationship. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she dumps this other guy for yet another guy and treat them exactly as she has treated you. I love how you symbolically ended the relationship, cut the ties if you will, by giving that object back. That was good.
Carrie

<font color=blue>If you have two dollars, spend one on bread and the other on flowers. The bread will feed your body and the flowers will feed your soul."--Arabic Saying

Thanks for your words.

I've talked about this young lady before, many have heard my tales of woe. She is young, but she is still a B with an itch.

The hat and scarf were two things she'd given me the first night we saw each other outside of work. I thought it important to return them to symbolize the last time I'd see her, outside of work. I don't like seeing her upset. I've removed all traces of her from my house, every little sentimental item. If only my mind was a house, I'd shut her out.

If a friendship is meant to be, then in time we may begin to talk. In the mean time, I'm happy just being free from her.