Sorry for the back to back threads, but this has bothered me as well. If I'm in a group where there's at least three people total, I have no idea how to join the conversation unless someone says something to me directly and if I haven't spoken for a long time, it throws me off guard. With two people, I can usually figure out when to speak. I can figure out groups easier if I'm used to talking to the people involved one on one or if people talk to me directly.

There was a group my boyfriend would hang out with on Thursday nights. I would join them after I got off work, but I could rarely participate in the conversation because I didn't know what to say or when to say it. I would end up talking to him or just sitting there so he had a chance to talk to other people.

I've observed other people. It seems that one thing others do is just talk over other people or repeat themselves until others pay attention or something like that. That's just not something I'd want to do. I also don't know what to talk about (these are people I'm supposed to have things in common with), but I don't care about things that people talk about in casual conversations. I don't care for movies, I have a very narrow preference for TV shows, while I like some sports, I don't care about athletes or stats (well, not enough to contribute to a conversation), I don't talk about politics, and I don't really care that much about going to concerts and other things musicians should care about (we're all musicians). Topics that I would want to talk about wouldn't interest anyone else. My boyfriend sometimes, but other times I think he's just being nice or maybe he's used to it because his dad likes to talk about similar subjects.

[Sunflower123]

If you give yourself a chance you might be pleasantly surprised. I know this is an odd analogy but do you know the traffic roundabouts that are becoming popular? When someone is in the circle you yield then drive into it yourself when you have the opportunity The way it flows is a lot like conversations. You might also find that you are interested in some topics you never knew about. Good luck and best wishes.

[healingme4me]

I think that it's about following two or more conversations at once. Listening without trying to figure out what exactly to say. When one group's conversation draws you in bring your attention there. And like a one on one conversation, when you've something to say, say it. Center yourself and don't try to force it. If you aren't the natural gabber, don't worry about trying to become what you're not. A smile. A knodding of your head. A laugh or a chuckle.

It's those awkward moments of silence which are most uncomfortable for me. Still, they are a time to dive right in. So too, watch body language for an indication one or the others is getting bored with the current topic. Another great opportunity for a lead in.

Current events is a good subject to initiate discussion. Though completely different as they may be, everyone has their own idea of what is happening in the world. And, the conversation need not be political.

What are you interested in? You might be surprised that you are not alone in your opinions.

My boyfriend, for his good reasons, belongs to a group I really can't stand. I have nothing in common with these people. But I will go with him to events and functions to support him (he isn't entirely pleased with this group himself). I find myself in the position of having to change the subject drawing it away from motorcycles and the rather alarming social and political views that predominate. This is at times difficult to do but I have become practised at it.

For this is what it takes. Practise.

Oh this is a tricky one, and a good question. I can have trouble with this depending on the type of people involved.

I like Jennifer's traffic island analogy. It is kind of watching for those pauses and interjecting if it feels right (not fretting if it doesn't). I do better with people who are gentler in their style, who will include those who are quieter with subtle prompts - it is often harder with more talkative people to get a word in edgeways.

Asking people polite and sociable questions about themselves during lulls is always a useful conversing strategy (ha! that sounds so formal but I have no better way to put it).

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

If you give yourself a chance you might be pleasantly surprised. I know this is an odd analogy but do you know the traffic roundabouts that are becoming popular? When someone is in the circle you yield then drive into it yourself when you have the opportunity The way it flows is a lot like conversations. You might also find that you are interested in some topics you never knew about. Good luck and best wishes.

That analogy makes sense. I can just never tell when I have the opportunity to take my turn in a conversation.

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I think that it's about following two or more conversations at once. Listening without trying to figure out what exactly to say. When one group's conversation draws you in bring your attention there. And like a one on one conversation, when you've something to say, say it. Center yourself and don't try to force it. If you aren't the natural gabber, don't worry about trying to become what you're not. A smile. A knodding of your head. A laugh or a chuckle.

A lot of times, I'm finding that the conversations aren't drawing me in and I don't often have something to say. So at some point I just zone out.

Originally Posted by justafriend306

It's those awkward moments of silence which are most uncomfortable for me. Still, they are a time to dive right in. So too, watch body language for an indication one or the others is getting bored with the current topic. Another great opportunity for a lead in.

Current events is a good subject to initiate discussion. Though completely different as they may be, everyone has their own idea of what is happening in the world. And, the conversation need not be political.

What are you interested in? You might be surprised that you are not alone in your opinions.

My boyfriend, for his good reasons, belongs to a group I really can't stand. I have nothing in common with these people. But I will go with him to events and functions to support him (he isn't entirely pleased with this group himself). I find myself in the position of having to change the subject drawing it away from motorcycles and the rather alarming social and political views that predominate. This is at times difficult to do but I have become practised at it.

For this is what it takes. Practise.

I don't often notice moments of silence, unless you mean the tiny split second between one thought that finishes before another begins. A lot of times there is no way for me to say anything unless I talk over someone. And I'm not 100% sure I could tell if someone was bored. And as a side note, I wonder if they can tell I'm bored?

I'm not sure I know enough about current events to talk about it. It feels unnatural to care or do what feels like research outside my own internal world. When I lived at home, they always had the news on, but it's not something I think about living alone.

Right now I'm only really interested in this book I'm writing as a hobby. At work I'll talk about work, but no one else would really care and I couldn't share details anyway because of privacy concerns. That and if someone wasn't there or don't know the people involved, they wouldn't "get" it. Other examples of conversations with my boyfriend recently have involved quadratic equations and how speeds faster than the speed of light can and have been achieved. I would talk about music theory too, but even those who have taken multiple theory classes are not interested in talking about it. And that's how people get me to do their homework...because I like talking about it.

I'm afraid that if I change the subject towards something I want to talk about, I'll just become a self-centered jerk in their eyes.

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

Oh this is a tricky one, and a good question. I can have trouble with this depending on the type of people involved.

I like Jennifer's traffic island analogy. It is kind of watching for those pauses and interjecting if it feels right (not fretting if it doesn't). I do better with people who are gentler in their style, who will include those who are quieter with subtle prompts - it is often harder with more talkative people to get a word in edgeways.

Asking people polite and sociable questions about themselves during lulls is always a useful conversing strategy (ha! that sounds so formal but I have no better way to put it).

There's just usually not a lull at all. And about polite questions, I always wonder if my question will be rude by accident or just plain stupid, and that's if I can think of anything I want to ask. Correct me if I'm wrong, but people ask those sorts of questions if they're curious and/or care right? I'm not sure if I'm often curious enough to think of questions.

Last night my boyfriend convinced me to go to an event. I mainly just went off on my own so he could talk to groups of people without worrying about me. Besides, it feels so awkward not having anything to say.

What bothers me, is that this was something I used to enjoy doing. I've actually felt happiness from it and I rarely feel that from anything. But I'm not supposed to be there (separate issue where the person in charge kicked me to the sidelines). Somehow, I was still included (I'm impressed that I wasn't left out by default) so it wasn't the worst it could be. Oh well, probably the last time I'll be there.

In reference to the topic of this thread, I feel I've learned to just exit group conversations where I have nothing to say or just don't join. That way my boyfriend can participate and if he's done talking with them, he knows where to find me. Although, he really should spend the night talking to everyone else. He can just talk to me afterwards.