[FobyC]

I have been married for nearly 10 years and we have two beautiful daughters. I felt my life wity my wife IMPOSSIBLE to survive and hence, 2 years ago I seeked help at a stress councillor. I beleived I had a problem. I could not see my wife happy, she goes into tantrums for the slightest thing or just for nothing at all. She was not like this all the time but since 3 years ago periods of strange behavior were getting too close too each other.

I was hoping the councillor says to me I have a problem, because I know I can change. I knew for a fact that she would not. However, the councillor despite not seeing my wife she realised thas it was her who had a problem. I asked her to councill, but she refused untill one day a big thing happened and I had to call the police. No actions were taken. She decided that we councill together at a neutral councillor. My wife was not accepting what the councillor was telling her but instead she insisted that the councillor and I are teaming against her. We both went to a psychiatrist after she was claiming she feel suicidal when she falls in depression. He said to me 3 times "it will be impossible for a normal person to live a normal life with her". She did not like what he said, and said the psychiatrist need a psychiatrist. My wife depends on friends, she is extra charming to them, lovely, flambouyant and she thinks that with out her their days out are not complete.

Anyway, I come to the point now. She filed for a divorce, and it is becoming very messy. Whatever I offer her it is not enough. I offered her everything, apart from the car but she wanted it. I offered her the car but now she refused to let have access to the children properly. I spoke to the psychiatrist and the councillor, and while the former said that I must make sure I have good access to the kids the councillor emphasised I have their custody. In the UK it is nearly impossible for a father to have kids, but I went ahead and filed for custody.

My question is this, if the court decides that she has the children and I know for sure she will make it difficult for me see them properly, how badly the kids may become affected when the grow up? I wish someone might give an idea. My worry is they grow insecurely like her and they will be affected.

Regards,

FobyC

[Zenobia]

Yes they will be affected, but as long as they have you as a strong foundation, a person they know loves them and wants to be with them I think they have a good chance to come out ok. Constantly tell them you love them. When they do something good celebrate it. When things go bad help them work through it even if it just means sitting there while they rant. DO NOT say anything bad about their mom in front of them. As difficult as it may be they probably love her and if you bring them into your fight they will think that there is something wrong with them for loving her. It is a nasty thing. I wish you the best of luck in your case. I hope they rule in your favor.
Sincerely,
Zen

<font color=blue>I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but, it comes from within. It is there all the time.--Anna Freud

[FobyC]

Thanks for your reply. Your message confirms that what I am doing is the right thing. During these difficult times I have shown my kids love and continued giving them complete attention. I have never said a word against their mother, above all she is their mother. Moreover we still say the same prayers before we go to bed and at church as befor 'God bless mummy, daddy ... '

Their mother on the other hand was filling their mind with things against me. Once again I had taken the right decision by not leaving home when she filed for divorce. The kids would have believed her and probably would already be scarred. They do not believe her anymore and instead they do what I have been doing, ignore her.

I do hope the court will give me custody. It is only this way the kids will be denied of nothing. My fear is that if she gets custody she will take the kids away 100's of miles as she had already planned. Hopefully, the court may see the genuinity in this case and if not giving me custody they order my wife a programme in which the kids are garuanteed contact with me.

During these days I will make sure I give my two beautiful daughters the love, care, attention and affection they deserve to become two strong, secure and educated ladies. above all it must be painful for their mother to be the way she is.