[ace333]

Just as the titles says, i cant get a grip on this breakup and i just want him back. I want to know what i can do to get him back. Im so lost

[Trippin2.0]

List ten good and healthy reasons he should be in your life

[Mightymax]

You got to get in touch with him and try to work it out but if someone says their not in love with you then its useless to try. If he does care and he broke up for something else you got to try to fix things right away.

[ace333]

I have tried talking to him. He said he just wants to space to make himself happy, he cant make me happy if hes not happy with himself. Which i get, but weve be together 8 years, and i cant handle that hes just gone. He's said he misses me but still needs time. Theres no other girl or anything like that, but just waiting for him to say anything is killing me, and i just want him back now.

[Erebos]

I am a little confused, from all your previous posts you were saying you wanted out, you wanted to end things.
That he wasn't giving you what you needed, and that he was emotionally abusive.

Then he broke up with you, which seemed like the answer to all your questions about if he wanted to commit...obviously not.
Did you then realise that actually you did want to be with him even if he didn't want any of the things you wanted?

You want him back. In what way did he do or say things to make you feel loved, wanted and needed?
What way was he providing you with what you needed in a relationship?

What will you be getting back, that you need so badly from him, should he come back?

Whatever happens I wish you all the best.

[MickeyCheeky]

Unfortunately, you can't force him to get back to you.. so I think the best decision here is just trying to move on (it's not easy, I know) since it looks like he already made a decision

[treevoice]

All relationships, even unhealthy ones, form bonds between people and those bonds are not easilly broken. Every relationship I've ever ended, even the ones that really needed to end, have caused me immense amounts of pain and an immediate instinct to want it back. Just try to keep your perspective and remind yourself that it is normal for your body to want equilibrium, for things to be "normal", and breaking a bond is emotionally (and sometimes even physically) *pain*-full. But, that doesn't mean it isn't a healthy thing to sever the chord. Try to wait a few weeks before making any rash decisions. Make lists of pros and cons, make an effort to socialize and/or meet new people, and try to move beyond the initial sting before you make a decision that you may regret.

[Sunflower123]

Why don't you continue giving him space (within reason) and don't contact him unless he contacts you first. After some time has passed, sit down and have a heart-to-heart with him about where the both of you are going? Best wishes.

[Biyaak]

Hey friend, it might be difficult for you to wait but just as you said he needs space, so give him some space, some time.. this is good in relationships. Its healthy.

[ace333]

its just all literally killing me. as a time line we've been together almost 9 years. we've been broken up three weeks, and i have NC him for a week. its literally killing me inside. i cry everyday. my heart literally races from the time i wake until i try to sleep. i cant sleep more than a few hours. i wake up in a panic everyday. i constantly wonder what he's doing or thinking or if he misses. every sound my phone make i jump because i think its going to be him. i try to do things to get out and distract myself but nothing works. i talk to my friends and they all say " screw him" in every way possible but i can't turn off my feelings. i just want him to call me and for us to talk things out. because i can't go on living this way. and no matter i do my feelings don't change. i don't want to feel like this, i wish i could just turn off my feelings and get on wth my life but i can't. no contact is killing me because i just want to know whats going with him, what he's thinking and if he misses me yet. last time i did speak to him he did say he does miss me, but still wants to make himself happy, before he can make me happy. but i just don't get why we can't work through it together. i know what my flaws in our relationship are and were, and i take responibility to change them, and i told him this and he says he still just doesn't know.

[Bill3]

[ace333]

i can't get a grip and i can't get a break. i take two steps forward, 50 steps back at everything i do, everything in my adult life has been this way and im not even 30 yet. i do everything to remain positive, but im literally broken inside and nothing helps.

[Trippin2.0]

I suggest you ready through your old threads… "Cant' deal anymore", "Completely bored in relationship" and "Don't know how to break up"

It will remind you why you're better off without him. In your own words, WRT abuse, "emotionally and mentally he takes the cake"

Its ok to miss someone, and to miss what you shared and the dreams and plans you had for the future. But that hurt doesn't mean you should take that person back, you'll just end up with your original hurts of how badly he treats you, refuses to commit and takes advantage of you financially…

I know this is really REALLY hard, but try seeing this with your rational mind instead of your emotional mind… A pros and Cons list is an excellent idea.

:hug;

[Biyaak]

Ikr it kills.. but believe me if you trust God then everything will get alright. I know its diffilcult, its painful. Its terrifying. But gradually things will get better. Remember God is making your way clear. Love and hugs from my side 😚

[treevoice]

I've been where you're at before. My first long term love and I broke up and it was really a healthy break if you take all the circumstances into consideration, but I was so devistated I couldn't get out of bed. I sobbed harder than I've ever sobbed, endlessly, for days, weeks. It felt like my arm had been chopped off. To be honest with you, I ended up pleading with him to take me back, and he did. But things were never the same after that. The damage was done. We were happy for a moment, but then we became incredibly insecure with each other. We always felt like we were one wrong word away from being back in that nightmarish hell that was our breakup. We dragged it out for a long time after that, both afraid and disconnected, but also both afraid to step away. In the end, it became unbearable to be together. Don't get me wrong, not all relationships end up that way. Maybe you even need to go back and finish learning the lesson your relationship is here to teach you. But, if you can find the courage, you may save yourself a lot more long term heart ache if you can clench your teeth and bear through this difficult time. Wishing you the best of luck, care, and love. <3

[Sunflower123]

Trippin2.0 has some valid points. I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. Maybe you have to let go of something that's merely okay in order to grasp something even better.

[qnzstrong01]

I am feeling the same