[lost_lover]

So it has been a while now but it still feels like I just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. It has been really rough on me for a variety of reasons. There are a lot of specific circumstances, and details about what happened. It should have been more amicable than I would allow but we still remain friends. Of the 500 reasons we didn't work out, there is one specific issue related to my mental health.

I am of course not talking about someone you have been dating a few months, but a serious long term relationship. Once you are no longer putting on faces for each other, you know most of each other's secrets. At that point in a relationship, I want a partner who will drop (within reason) what they are doing when I have a SERIOUS episode and come be with me, not fix anything but be there with me. I don't mean leave for in the middle of the day or really important obligations, but I do mean like 2 am on a weekday.

I am the most stable I have been in my whole life right now. I say this to make the point these are not frequent occasions, maybe 2-4 a year at most. Not every time I am off, every time I am sad or hypomanic.

He said that was asking for too much and I needed to be more respectful of his time and other obligations. I know it isn't something people in a relationship with someone without a mental illness have to deal with, so it is something extra that I am asking for. I would imagine seeing me in a bad episode is not the most pleasant experience, it probably sucks. I know I need to talk to my therapist when I am going through hard times.

Even with all that I really don't know if I could spend my life with someone who cannot make my mental health a priority in their life. I don't consider myself a high maintenance girlfriend, most of the time I like my space and am able to enjoy my own company. When I am bad though every coping skill I have goes out the window. I have been hospitalized twice for mental illness and I hate it, I am afraid of it. So while these times I am wanting a partner to drop things and be with me are times I should probably just be taking myself to the hospital but I just won't.

I really rambled here but the topic is emotional for me. There is no other thing about me that I would want someone to drop everything and come be with me. Even if I was severally physically ill/injured I just need medical care and when they have the time they can come check up on me.

If my partner was having a serious episode at 2am, I would stay up with him until it passed. I know he would do the exact same thing for me. I think it's something that is awesome to do for a loved one going through a rough time.

That being said, some people just aren't up for giving that kind of support. Some people need to sleep at 2am and can't force themselves to stay awake. It can be hard for others to see us struggle, so when the struggle is REALLY BIG it becomes too much to handle, and they withdraw. It sounds like your ex was not able to give you the support you needed. I think that with future relationships it is not an unreasonable request if you are in crisis, but it also wouldn't be unreasonable for the partner to suggest calling a crisis line or go to the hospital.

[Sunflower123]

You were in a long term relationship. I don't think you were asking too much at all. Like scaredandconfused said, some people just can't provide that kind of support. I understand. I was married for 20 years and I was diagnosed towards the end of the marriage. Not only was he not supportive but didn't even believe in mental illness and became emotionally and verbally abusive. After that many years together I expected more. I left for my own sanity. Sending big hugs.

[Maven]

I wrote a reply to this, but don't see it now. Short and sweet, I was told it's not reasonable (although if a person has a physical disability, that's different) when I posted here or in another group about needing my boyfriend to stay home sometimes instead of going on all the trips he does. I'm with you, I don't think it's unreasonable, as long as it isn't all the time, but apparently, we're wrong. I do think a person has the right to not get into a relationship with us if they can't handle it.