[Lola5]

I'll preface by saying I have depression, severe GAD and PTSD.

I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Within the first 10 minutes of the date, he told me he has bipolar, depression, anxiety, OCD, social anxiety and ADHD for which he takes "a bunch of medications." I got so overwhelmed by this admission, but I didn't share that I have mental illnesses.

The date was okay, but I wasn't interested. At the end, he thanked me twice for going on a date with him and said he had a nice time. I got anxious and said I did, too. He told me he wants to see me again and proposed some super-specific plans about what we should do next time. I got really, really anxious and said "okay" just so the date could end. Now, he keeps texting me several times a day about what day next week I am free.

I am having so much anxiety about this. I feel like I have to go on another date with him because I said "okay" at the end of the last date. But it's awful to string him along. I don't know how to turn him down or tell him I'm not interested. I don't want to exacerbate his mental illnesses. He mentioned several times how his life is impeded by his illnesses. I feel I have acted badly, but I don't know what to do.

Originally Posted by Lola5

I'll preface by saying I have depression, severe GAD and PTSD.

I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Within the first 10 minutes of the date, he told me he has bipolar, depression, anxiety, OCD, social anxiety and ADHD for which he takes "a bunch of medications." I got so overwhelmed by this admission, but I didn't share that I have mental illnesses.

The date was okay, but I wasn't interested. At the end, he thanked me twice for going on a date with him and said he had a nice time. I got anxious and said I did, too. He told me he wants to see me again and proposed some super-specific plans about what we should do next time. I got really, really anxious and said "okay" just so the date could end. Now, he keeps texting me several times a day about what day next week I am free.

I am having so much anxiety about this. I feel like I have to go on another date with him because I said "okay" at the end of the last date. But it's awful to string him along. I don't know how to turn him down or tell him I'm not interested. I don't want to exacerbate his mental illnesses. He mentioned several times how his life is impeded by his illnesses. I feel I have acted badly, but I don't know what to do.

My advice here is don't feel pressured to go on another date simply because HE'S interested and because initially you wanted to just be nice. You have no obligation to him and can let him down easy. You could say, you know I realize I said yes initially, but I just don' think the chemistry is right, and I truly wish you all the best. He is acting very clingy with you right away, which is a big red flag, so I would just steer clear, which is your gut reaction. You don't owe him anything, and don't feel bad for turning him down or for looking out for your own best interests!!

HUGS!

[Sunflower123]

I agree with golden eve. Sending big hugs.

[tradika]

I agree with Lola. I also think telling someone all about your mental health problems or medical conditions on a first date is really abnormal. Most people dread having to tell someone they are interested in that they have bipolar disorder. I would stay away from this guy with a ten foot pole. Tell him you aren't interested and block him before he can cause drama for you.

As a guy I remember being really hurt when a girl friend played an excuse to end our last meetup and with that, gradually ignored my messages. I remember talking about issues. I was looking for sympathy and to get emotionally close. But she ran away.

I think he was trying to get emotionally close to you by opening up to you.

[divine1966]

You could say that you don't think you
Are a match. That's all you really need to say.

It can be awkward, but it sounds like you will need to tell him you aren't interested in dating, I think Divine's advice is spot on - you can also wish him well for the future, but keep it short.

IMO you did not act badly, you were caught off balance and trying to act in the least upsetting way to someone who was being pretty full-on for a first date.

[guilloche]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

You could say, you know I realize I said yes initially, but I just don' think the chemistry is right, and I truly wish you all the best.

This is perfect! It's honest, transparent, but not cruel or intentionally hurtful. Saying "the chemistry isn't right" doesn't make it sound like you think he's an awful person at all, just that it isn't a match, no blame or anything.

If you're comfortable with it, I'd say exactly what Golden_Eye is recommending!

OK, that aside... it's already been said, but you're absolutely not under any obligation to go out with him again. You were caught off-guard and trying to get out of a situation gracefully. You're dealing with your own mental health issues. You're human, and even if you said yes enthusiastically - you're allowed to change your mind or reconsider!

I think going out with him again would just make this harder, for both of you.

I get the anxiety (oh boy, do I ever!) but does it help to think of this like... building a muscle, almost? It's hard and awkward and a lot of work, but standing up for yourself by communicating in this situation helps you get practice doing that, which will make it easier to do in the future.

Good luck!

[eskielover]

I agree with the others here. My comment would basically just be " I had a chance to think about our first date & realized the chemistry just really isn't there. Wish you the best though in finding a match that fits."

[UCLAFan]

Just say no to the guy just because he has mental illness doesn't mean you owe him a date.Sounds like he is trying to take advantage of you

[yagr]

I would send him this with the preface:

I felt so anxious about the date that I sent my friends this message trying to figure out what to do:

Originally Posted by Lola5

The date was okay, but I wasn't interested. At the end, he thanked me twice for going on a date with him and said he had a nice time. I got anxious and said I did, too. He told me he wants to see me again and proposed some super-specific plans about what we should do next time. I got really, really anxious and said "okay" just so the date could end. Now, he keeps texting me several times a day about what day next week I am free.

I am having so much anxiety about this. I feel like I have to go on another date with him because I said "okay" at the end of the last date. But it's awful to string him along. I don't know how to turn him down or tell him I'm not interested. I don't want to exacerbate his mental illnesses. He mentioned several times how his life is impeded by his illnesses. I feel I have acted badly, but I don't know what to do.

I've decided that it would not be right for me to go on this second date. I'm sorry for leading you on and I'm sharing this message as a way of explanation.

Fact is, you don't owe him an explanation, but it would be awfully kind of you to do so, might relieve some of the guilt you are feeling unnecessarily, and has the benefit of being the whole truth.

[bpforever1]

Hmmm, I am also seeing a man who has mental illness. I think the others are right. You don't owe him anything and should do what makes you feel comfortable.