[rukspc]

My boyfriend and I met through mutual friends in 2015 and ran in the same circle of friends since then. It wasn't until this January in 2017 that we began talking more. We talked for about 4 months before we went on our first date in May. Since then, we have been inseparable. I truly believe this person is 'my person' and I have a good feeling that we will work out long term.

Before we began dating, I mentioned moving to Thailand to teach ESL for one year after I finish my Master's program in 2018. He knew this before we dated and I was set on going, hoping that he would be on board with it, but I didn't want to force him. We had a talk recently because he has had second thoughts about going. His reasoning is financial circumstances, selling his things, losing his apartment (which is in a good location, good price) and the chance that there will be more strain if we go together and he has nothing to do for work. He plans to quit his job as a city council aide at city hall once the year is done. He is a photographer, filmmaker and graphic artist and owns a business. He understands the difficulty of adjusting to life in another country and would rather me choose whether I want to go (he wants to me to weigh my options but is completely supportive either way).

I will complete my Master's in ESL next May and plan to go abroad sometime that same year. If we go together, there would be strain on the relationship, we could fall apart and resent each other. If I go and he stays, long distance would be impossible and couldn't replace the physical aspects, and we could lose momentum, as in we could change within in a year and become different people. If we stay here together, I could resent him for not going (which I don't think will happen), we could move together and I plan to pursue my teaching license anyway. I thought he gave me an ultimatum that if I went to Thailand, we'd have to break up. But he said that is not the case. He wants me to know that it would be extremely difficult to stay together if we had to do long distance.

The political situation in Thailand is quite unstable and I've been warned by some older folks to not go. I could just travel for a vacation, but that is it. I have family and other connections there, so it would not be difficult to find work. However, I run the risk of losing my boyfriend if I go. And who's to say if we will work out if I DO stay? I can't say that for sure either.

When we talk about this subject, I get emotional because I think about how much I will miss him and the possibility of breaking up

Should I give it some time and weigh the options before I make a decision? Is he right about everything? What should I do?

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by rukspc

... We had a talk recently because he has had second thoughts about going. His reasoning is financial circumstances, selling his things, losing his apartment (which is in a good location, good price) and the chance that there will be more strain if we go together and he has nothing to do for work... He is a photographer, filmmaker and graphic artist and owns a business. He understands the difficulty of adjusting to life in another country and would rather me choose whether I want to go...

I think he, not you, is the one with a choice to make. He can choose his things and his apartment or he can choose to adjust his own life to fit the relationship the two of you seem to want to have together.

[Sunflower123]

Unless you have to make an immediate decision or immediate arrangements, why don't you ponder it for awhile? Sleep on it. Think about it. Maybe complete a weighted pro/con analysis on it. I hope you make a decision that brings you peace and happiness. Sending big hugs.

[Bill3]

I agree with Jennifer's wise advice. How soon do you need to decide?

If you do a written pros and cons, and i hope that you do, one thing I wonder about is whether the time abroad has to be one year. Maybe there would be an option to go somewhere abroad for, say, six months?

Another thing that would be well worth weighing, I think, is the relatively short time that you have been in an actual relationship with him. You sound taken with him and strongly tempted to say that you believe he is the one for you. However, the actual confirmation of such a belief occurs over time, not at once or in a few months.

He wants me to know that it would be extremely difficult to stay together if we had to do long distance.

This may not be an ultimatum, but it is getting close to one. What if he did give you an ultimatum?

Do take your time, as much time as you need (if possible), to come to peace with this decision.

This is a tough one.. if it were me, I would still want to go, despite the political instability and despite the relationship, but I would want to make sure I would be safe. Would you be safe? And unless he puts a ring on your finger, I would not stay for him. That is giving up a dream, the chance of a lifetime, for something that may/may not work out long-term, even though you believe it will. He could visit you, and you could visit him... at least a couple times, right? Someone also mentioned can you just go for six months, which may be easier on the relationship. I think that's a good idea. I also agree with the others to take your time with this & weight the pros and cons. You've got many months before it's May. It is not an easy decision, so I hope whatever direction you choose, that it is the right and best decision FOR YOU and that you feel right about it in your heart and mind. ((((Hugs))))