This really shouldn't be this hard

Oh the saga of online dating...

A while back I had a very brief conversation with this like perfect match guy online before he kinda ghosted me. I don't even know if it can be called ghosting because we barely chatted. I was bummed. Our percentage match was high, but also just our likes and interests seem to fall inline plus I thought he was attractive. Both of us are also coming off of hiatuses from running too and wanting to get back into physical activity, he's super smart and works in banking but is trying to write a novel. So he has artistic interests, which works for me since I work in the arts.

Anyways, after a break from online dating, when I came back, he showed up again in my matches so I sent him another "hello, and said, I thought we were chatting a while back but then I took a little break." It took him a couple of days, but today he started chatting with me and we actually had a great conversation, really deep and beyond the small talk, and not inappropriate or disrespectful at all. It was a little after 10pm and we'd only been chatting maybe 15 minutes when he abruptly said he had to go to bed, he enjoyed chatting, and hoped we could chat again later.

Anyways, ug, I really want this one to work out. I feel like we've both in the past few years have been through stuff and are now rebuilding our lives. I really enjoyed our conversation together, we were chatting about existentialism and finding meaning and purpose in life. He's coming to terms with going through an existentialist period, and I have come through one myself and feel very comfortable with being spiritual but essentially an atheist.

I just feel like he's going to ghost on me again and I'm not going to beg some guy to continue talking to me. I'm just not sure how to keep him interested or if there is any way to keep him interested rather than just being myself.

I feel like dating in my 20s was so much easier than it is now. There was so much less baggage. For me anyhow.

Seesaw

On one hand it's normal to have to go to bed early and not chat late. I am up for work and it's 5am so I wouldn't be chatting past 10pm, I actually was in bed at 9pm. He maybe has to get up early. Or it could be that he isn't interested beyond just talking. Is he asking personal questions like about things you like or your experiences? That usually is indication of some interest.

I don't believe you need to do anything to get someone to talk to you or ask you out. Just be yourself. On the other hand it's ok to directly ask what his interest is. Looking for a date? Just talking? If he doesn't communicate consistently and not asking you out then I'd probably move on. It's hard to tell though until you meet people what's really going on. He might not be that interesting irl.

He came back!!!

I'm happy for you just enjoy getting to know each other.

That's great!!! Good luck moving forward. Just be yourself.

Well, I didn't see his message for like an hour. And again he had to go to bed. And it was the same time as he had to go to bed before. So shat I'm deducing from this is that he goes to bed kinda early on week nights and he has good boundaries for taking care of himself. Not necessarily a bad thing. Although I do stay up a bit later than him, but that's okay.

Seesaw

You've drawn the same conclusions that I did after reading your first post. The fellow is in banking and I'm assuming, since you referenced your twenties being 'back then' and that you are a good match, that he's not a kid, which means he's probably been in banking for some time. These folks tend to be very 'cross the t's and dot the i's' kind of folks. Routine is very important. So yeah, I would not be surprised that he goes to bed at exactly the same time every day, wakes up at exactly the same time every day - wouldn't be surprised if he sets his alarm on the weekends too.

If you too do move forward, do not be surprised if you play second fiddle to his routine. That's not necessarily a bad thing: i.e. Let's say you get married and prepare to live happily ever after and set up a date night for Friday nights. If he gets invited to the White House on a Friday night, he'll probably decline because it's date night and he's committed to his schedule. On the other hand, if you have an impromptu event that you want him to attend with you, but it falls on the night he does his laundry, he may struggle to justify breaking his routine.

Obviously, I don't have much to go on to come up with such examples, but that's the picture I got when you described what was going on.

All the more reason for me to have good boundaries and stick to my routine (if I had one, lolz).

Seesaw

Okay, update:

I messaged him earlier this evening around 7pm. He was home and we chatted for a few minutes. I asked him if he wanted to get together this weekend. He said this weekend wasn't good, but he has all next week off and he doesn't go out of town then it would be a good time to get together.

Conversation was okay. I asked him how his day was and he mentioned some anxiety, so I asked what about, apparently had to do with interviewing people for an assistant manager job. Then we chatted about running and what we're doing this weekend. I mentioned that tomorrow I'm giving blood and on Sunday I'm going to a civic orchestra concert. He said that I am "altruistic and sophisticated asf." So I hope that was a compliment. I'm a little intimidated by him because he's a mensa member and he's clearly very intelligent. But maybe he's a little impressed with me too? I hope so.

Seesaw

All Mensa means is that a person has an IQ of 135 or above. That doesn't make them any better, or well adjusted than anyone else. Try not be intimidated by that. It's just a unit of measure.