The wolf at the table -: my father and eye

I have attached a quote one directions Liam Payne. In a nutshell he says that the worst thing a boy can do to a girl is ignore her. Hope it helps

There is a person I must vent about who does not realise that I know they are as two faced as they come and are only speaking to me out of guilt. My finances are my business and they turned around the other day and said that I knew all about benefits, how much is ....But what angers me is the audacity of this remark. Its not my choice to be in between jobs. But it is probably my fault that I cannot in a month of Sundays land a respectable job in my area because of my crazy youth.
My health problems would have happened no matter how rich or not so well off my up-bringing had been. I have bi-polar end of story. I was not sexually assaulted as a child or any of that nonsense. I am just bi-polar, so what.
They also said that my step fathers strict approach had obviously not been a success. Because my brother has had a spell of depression too. When my brother told my mum that he had to take time off, she dropped her shopping bags and said: oh for fox sakes not another one!
And that guys is my mother for you, she does not think before she speaks and does not care if her opinion offends. Because of her bolshie confidence she had always been offered supervisory rolls at her jobs but she admitted that she doesn't like responsibility. Well, this is hardly a revelation I could of told anyone that my mother and now partner have always shirked responsibility. My Uncle said to her it is about bettering yourself and not just the small increase in wages.
We were out once in a pub and we were in company of one of my old pals new group of friends and my mother does anything to blend in and be controversial thinking she is erchie. And she says to a lesbian couple that she wishes she had been born gay and if she had the option she would be gay because men are....you get the picture. And one looks astounded and floored and says "you would CHOOSE to be a lesbian"

One: I was still unwell after being on a 28 day section including suicide watch and issued meds
Two: I was not talking to my father anymore. I was not close to his family. His sister was a toxic gossip. I would have felt worse than a fish out of water. I couldnt have a drink to settle nerves. I was fresh on my bi polar meds.
Three: My home life was unsteady enough without creating more waves with my proper parents.
Four: Fred told me that my Father now referred to me as oh "her" and told everyone not to even mention my name . So screw him
Five: He should have been ashamed of the way he neglected my grandma as her dementia got hold. He was at home all day not working but didn't even bother cooking her tea when he made his own. One toastie a day he pushed himself to make.
NIL by mouth. I accept your apology. I should hate my mother more than anyone but to omit her altogether from her mum's funeral speech when she kept her company every single day for five years. You take her on two trips that benefitted yourself also and you got all the glory. It wasn't fair on my mum
I never went to London with my dad back then because it would have caused too many problems with my mum n step dad as I lived with them.
At my Granda s funeral you took her round to meet all the family when you hadn't visited for at least five years. Hypocrites. Spending time means more than money.
To think i had been reduced to feeling happy when a person simply took the effort to say hello Jenny. Of course I felt invisible. Of course I felt stigmatised. I wish I could un do so many things but there's only now. All I want is a chance.

My mum was feeling reflective on the anniversary of my grannies passing.
She said that did I know that my father didn't even come to see me being born at Spynie. He was sat at home. This strikes me as true. I didn't tell my mum that when I grandfather passed in 2012, I did some snooping . I found a letter from my agoraphobic Uncle that I didn't meet. He wrote that my father must have been so disappointed when he found out that my my mum and him were having a girl.
It made perfect sense. My father would buy me chemistry sets. The only books he had in his house were maths problems.
He would moan that I wasn't active enough. He would make half the puzzles he bought.
When I abandoned science, knowing I wouldn't thrive in areas like engineering, law, medicine etc. He went on about girls being able to learn trades at technical college. I chose to be creative. I just wasnt a practical person.My father would moan when I made the tea and coffee because I would leave drips on the kitchen counter. The army abandoned him but he never left the army in his mind.
. I know that many students fail at uni when they realise that logical degrees actually require creativity. Like many computer design courses.
I was feminine, I may have been a little tomboy ish in behaviour but I was a girl through and through.
He would say I should take friends to meet him. But I was embarrassed as he didn't work and his hair was nicotine stained.
He got a full time job as a welder . A man that worked with him said that he wouldn't have went back to.work if I hadn't encouraged him. My dad mentioned how he was now paying my mum maintenance but my mum still wasn't giving me pocket money. I ate the bait. It was too late anyway. I had a part time job at my gym.

When recovering from.my breakdown, I decided I needed to get away from my hometown and I entertained the idea of joining one of armed forces. Someone said that they I didn't seem the type to carry a gun. I guess I was a bit of a hippy at heart. I had my own mind and I wansnt great at being told what to do in all fairness. I didn't like breaking a nail doing my martial arts ! I would paint my nails bright colours. I liked my own space. Come to think of it I didn't like being alone, I just needed my creat I've outlet to cope with life as it was complicated.
My Aunt told me to keep doing my Art as a young teen when my mum refused point blank to answer my valid questions when I and everyone knew I was right.