Honestly, "How you doing?"

Thank you. Do you think it could come in, say, the next half hour?

Years working in customer service has left me with a knee jerk reaction of ‘pretty good how about yourself?’ I’m never really honest answering that question.

Stranger things have happened!

Thanks, SorryShaped. My afternoon did improve, after your message.

Could you do that every day, please?

I'd love to, but I'm not always properly switched on and there are certainly bits up top that were never wired correctly to begin with. You share the love and maybe it will come back around.

OK I'll do that ha ha.

Wirh most people aside from my family, I say ok when I’m not doing so good or fine when I’m good. I’m honest with my family and the folks on PC who I appreciate so much.

Thing is, I am a 'fixer', if my friends or family need help, advice, a sounding board an UNBIASED opinion then they often come to me.
I am also loyal to a fault.
However if someone I hardly know responds to the fairly mundane greeting by saying they are down, I am afraid I am likely to assume that person will be a drain on my emotions on the long term. So tend to back off.
Your immediately being pushed to enquire as to the cause of them feeling down.And I know there are days when I am NOT the person to talk to if you're feeling sensitive.


Or that the individual doesn't take care in who they share their stuff with. And that unnerves me.

I am in no way saying we should bottle everything up, I am saying i know plenty of worthwhile people, who are intelligent, funny engaging, but they are not people I want to off load on. I like the way they treat me as I am, I don't want them to feel pity or sorry fore or obligated.

I have people I can share with if needs be, I quite enjoy not having my issues taint every aspect of my life.

Anyway just another bunch of drivel from my perspective.
All the best.

If I don't want their honest response I don't ask anything. People tend to be possibly overly open with me anyway. I look mostly harmless and I just have this weird ability to draw people out. I did that with several people in hospital both recent times. They told me things they'd not shared with anyone ever and still did not share while they were there. I'm also a fixer, I will repair or figure out how. I care about everyone, and people in general fascinate me to no end. If someone answers me with honesty, I find that person needs help and is desperate for it. I'm certainly not qualified for fixing most things emotional/relationship, but I've gotten through a lot myself and could be helpful or at least comforting.

You definitely can.

Usually I answer honestly, but only because I forget some people don't mean it as an actual question but rather as a generic greeting until after I respond.

I lie. Very well too. Even change my tone of voice while on the phone with family. I'm very good at hiding just about every tiny thing.
I don't believe there is one person that really wants to listen to my answer.

You'd be surprised. Try me. How are you doing, really?

Yeah see that makes me dig my heels in even more not to answer. There's always ulterior motives. Sorry.

Could be (ulterior motives)--but until you get to know someone--try to assume not. Not trying to be judgemental (I really hate when people are judgemental) but it really can help to PM people at PC. This answer makes me feel like you are not doing well. I know you have a really strained marriage and understand how awful this can be.

"How are you doing" is a bit like "Hello" and "Goodbye" a standard opening to a conversation but the answerer can just say, "Fine, how are you?" regardless of how they feel and move on and just listen if they are not in the mood to "spill" their feelings....

Completely understand strained marriage. Ended mine early this year. She was abusive mentally and emotionally the entire time

Nope. No motives other that I'm a helper monkey. I can't do much, but I'll do what can.

Sorry. I try not to assume. If someone asks me how I'm doing I say fine & move along just like they are.
I didn't mean to be judgemental

I can understand where Patagonia is coming from though. Sometimes "How you doing?" is just used as a greeting in place of "Hello", and people don't want to actually hear how you are doing. You seem to be a kind person and mean well, but it comes across to me as almost trying too hard, to get to know complete strangers and fix their issues. It would definitely put me off as well.

No one has rights to judge another. I question those with the gavels being of unbiased mindsets.

It's just built-in, caring about others.
Here's the "strangeness" that will put some people off:
I sense others' emotional states just by being near them. It's called being a sensitive. I feel their pains and best, their joys. I don't even need to see them to know what's there. It's a very accurate "gift." I quotated that because it's very distressful most times, feeling their states. Most people spend most of their lives in pain. I am also gifted with the ability to draw people out, them revealing what's inside their shells. I already know how you're doing if I'm anywhere near you. Nobody has been able to hide it, ever since it started in January. It's always spot on. I only wish I could selectively turn it off, but sometimes, during celebrations, as few as there are, it's awesome to feel everyone all at once. It makes savasana absolutely amazing. But, my own states I get to feel in magnitudes greater. I feel my own pain much more that I think I should. It's a cycling loop. However joys are so much stronger too

Some people are definitely more empathetic than others and non-verbals can certainly give off strong vibes. That being said I think it is almost delusional to think that you can tell how people are feeling just by being around them. Yes, there are hints and indicators based on non-verbals but you are not a mind reader. And that is what this sounds like to me - mind reading. You may have these strong "senses" but please know that you may not always be right. Even this post put me off a bit, to be honest. I would much more likely open up to someone who doesn't pretend to know it all. If you already know how I'm feeling, why would I need to elaborate further?

I know you aren't judgemental--it shows in the sexual issues forum. I suppose I was just responding to the way what you say sounded--language is so imperfect--I hope I didn't make you feel bad. Plus, I jumped in without reading the whole thread but after reading it--it is all about how awkward responding to this question is--this is more proof!!!!

I feel we all have the right to judge another. It's inherent as primates, we size each other up. We compare. We judge.
Now what we do with that judgement.....is another story.

Yes we all judge. I try (but sometimes fail) to keep my judgements to myself because it makes me feel so angry when I feel like I am being judged in a negative way. I try to keep negative comments to myself. This is easy to do with strangers and acquaintences--harder to do with my H and children. It makes the world a better place when we are able to see the positive side of things. Not all lies are bad in this regard. I like it when my H tells me I look good even when I look like crap!