[TroubledSpouse]

This is a text from my spouse. I'm questioning my own sanity and reality and don't want to set you up to side with me, so I figured the less info maybe the better

What do you take from this?

"I'm upset with you. I'm also embarrassed. You storming out of the house, slamming your truck door...all in front of mason....maybe you don't give a damn what he thinks, but I do. Totally humiliated. I'm beyond sick and tired of you dragging on an on and on our arguments into days on in. I'm not saying I want a divorce...but I'm checking out. That means I give up, I will not try. You obviously don't want me talking, looking or breathing in your direction. I guess I'll just be your roommate for the time being who is mute...b/c good forbid I try to make small talk or appoligize. I will not talk, ask you anything or invite you anywhere with us. If you want to hang with the boys and myself feel free to come along or ask. I won't be asking you b/c you rather live in silence. That's fine... we'll just ignore one another...that's totally healthy! I would like to help you with Halloween decorations tonight or whenever you feel up to finishing them...we can work on those in silence as well. I'll be going camping with y'all as well and don't you worry, I won't try and speak or or show any kind of affection there either. I guess we can keep the peace that way if we're both just mute! Sounds awesome! "

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by TroubledSpouse

This is a text from my spouse. I'm questioning my own sanity and reality and don't want to set you up to side with me, so I figured the less info maybe the better

What do you take from this?

"I'm upset with you. I'm also embarrassed. You storming out of the house, slamming your truck door...all in front of mason....maybe you don't give a damn what he thinks, but I do. Totally humiliated. I'm beyond sick and tired of you dragging on an on and on our arguments into days on in. I'm not saying I want a divorce...but I'm checking out. That means I give up, I will not try. You obviously don't want me talking, looking or breathing in your direction. I guess I'll just be your roommate for the time being who is mute...b/c good forbid I try to make small talk or appoligize. I will not talk, ask you anything or invite you anywhere with us. If you want to hang with the boys and myself feel free to come along or ask. I won't be asking you b/c you rather live in silence. That's fine... we'll just ignore one another...that's totally healthy! I would like to help you with Halloween decorations tonight or whenever you feel up to finishing them...we can work on those in silence as well. I'll be going camping with y'all as well and don't you worry, I won't try and speak or or show any kind of affection there either. I guess we can keep the peace that way if we're both just mute! Sounds awesome! "

I see you are new
what you do and dont do in your marriage is up to you and your spouse, its not up to me to say one or the other is right or wrong and what have you.

what I can tell you is that when I am my wife have problems we find ways to work it out and sometimes that means we go to couples/ marriage therapy where a therapist can help us.

my suggestion is let your spouse know whether you agree to their terms, whether you want to be separated, divorced or work things out, and if you do whether you want someone to help you with that, there are many great marriage and family therapists that work on marriage issues.

[reb569]

It sounds to me like the two of you need to sit down and talk about whatever issue is bothering you.

[mimsies]

That is an incredibly manipulative and passive aggressive text message, and makes me suspect he does a lot of gas lighting, guilt trips, and projection.

[pegasus]

We need both sides of the story. The text message is obviously written at an emotional and hurt time. I hope you can both communicate and sort this out.

[TishaBuv]

They are trying to cope and hoping you’ll change. This relationship needs help, for sure. The silent treatment is not a good way to fight. Quit that. Talk it out. Be a family. This person loves you.

Welcome to PC!

[~Christina]

Couples Therapy?

Yes, perhaps try couples therapy? Living this way won't do anyone any good and isn't going to get you anywhere for long. If you want the marriage to work, talking this through is a good way to go, resolving the issues and perhaps with an objective, third party. ((((hugs))))

I believe grown folk will do what grown folk want to do...but if they love their kids and I am not saying you don't, they will find a way not to have their children live in battlefield, whether they speak to each other or not, one or both going silent. Family therapy, I think is your best bet, because, even if you go silent, your kids are being damaged.

I wish your family well.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by TroubledSpouse

and don't want to set you up to side with me, so I figured the less info maybe the better

What do you take from this?

"I'm upset with you.

I'm beyond sick and tired of ... our arguments into days on in.

I give up,

I won't be asking you b/c you rather
live in silence.
we'll just
ignore one another......
we can work on those
in silence as well.
don't you worry,
I won't try and speak
I guess we can keep the peace that way
if we're both just mute! "

What do I make of this? With your stated desire to make something of it and not pander you?(aka side with you)

Sounds like the "discussions""conversations""arguments" carry on and on without resolution nor sense of growing together.
Followed by silence. Perhaps you build a wall of silence to not make whatever you have to say worse or you shut down in emotional inner turmoil or anger and it's when silent she feels cast off. Like the emotional intimacy went out the window? Sounds like this is not the example she wants in front of your children and perhaps shame because that dream of a happily ever after bubble burst? And this relationship isn't growing together instead apart.

Might take more than just saying you all want change the idea of a neutral third party whether therapist or pastor can help work on those communication skills that people aren't naturally born with.

Welcome to PC

[Erebos]

It's impossible to make an effective judgement on this.

If I was to translate as is, I would say this is a guy at his wits end.
Who 'feels' he has tried everything and doesn't know what else to do.
However, the fact he doesn't just leave, or ask for a divorce suggests he is just as invested in this to-ing and fro ing as the other party.
I would suggest,get a mediator or move on and stop making each other miserable.