Obsessed!!

yes!!!!! Absolutely!!!!!

Yes, agreed. UGH. I typically ignore or excuse and rationalize the red flags myself. Over and over I have done this, so next time, I really want to be good about walking away when I do see those flags. Like last week I was with a guy who pulled a 50 shades of gray move on me..... that was a flag for me. Before this, I really liked him as far as I knew him.

Being aware & acting on the red flags we see is a learning process.

As you just saw, not jumping into a relationship & feekings for someone is important because it does take awhile to get to know someone & see those negative red flag things come out in them.

I have learned....dont commit feelings. Sit back & observe. If someont pushes committment, that is a red flag too because no one ever knows someone well enough in a short time to commit emotions to a relationship that quickly.

The red flags I finally saw showed up almost a year after meeting when REAL LIFE stuff started happening in the relationship & how he reacted rather than the fake front dating picture people paint of themselves.

Have also learned even in business dealings....when something questionable happens there IS SOMETHING WRONG that shouldnt be rationalized or excused away. Every time that has come up in my life, I have been dealing with a crook.

Have learned if something isnt going smoothly, back off & observe, dont keep pushing it to happen. Thete is usually a good reason for it not working as planned. I applied that to the fencing I needed done on my farm. Kept having problems finding someone to come out & do it. Then I got a really expensive estimate. If I had spent all the money on that, I wouldnt have had the money I will need to recover my things from the house my not yet X-H has alliwed to go into foreclosure. I am LEARNING the wait & watch approach is the safest. If it is good & right IT WILL HAPPEN no matter what & we see the big pucture then, not just what we wish for.

Life is so complex at times

Yes, it is a process, and life certainly IS complex. I like your step back and observe approach.

With my ex, I definitely committed my feelings too fast. I committed in every way too fast....... we got engaged after only five months of dating, and only after TWO visits in person. We had been long distance otherwise. We were talking about engagement very early on... within maybe two months or so.

I guess I was so excited to have someone who wanted to marry me, that I literally lost my head. I've never been married and always have wanted this. Plus, I was so in love, that no logic or reason came to mind. Love is blind, as they say. Lesson learned..... a $10,000 loss.

So I have a date tonight! I'm excited because he can actually PAY for dinner!!!! My ex didn't pay for a single thing the whole time I was with him. GRRRRRR. I cannot believe what I put up with all this time.

Yea.....hope you have a very enjoyable time.

I dont believe that love is blind....that comment usuallt comes with our need to RATIONALIZE a bad situation.

It usually comes down to the fact we chose to tolerate crap or some are trapped in a situation we cant easily get out of. But we are not blind to the issues. Like you, you knew that he never paid for a meal the whole time you were with him. We look the other way when we are getting some level of our needs met by the relationship. Is that REALLY LOVE?

At the same time we know & see what is going on we just chose not to allow those things to interfear with what we truly WISH was going on in our lives. Maybe some of the problem can end up being what we define as love.

So glad youvare getting out & rnjoying yourself & opening yourself up to finding a real functional relationship.

For me, it wasnt until I was surrounded by functional people & observing functional marriages that I was able to see EXACTLY what was wrong in my own dysfunctional marriage & my parents that had become observed as NORMAL. I fought & hated my marriage but I had no ideavwhat was foundationally wrong wuth it. I was fighting the symptoms not the cause. We can sense when things sre wrong & need to pay attention to that sense but it doesnt always show us the real foundational problem. For me, I had no idea what emotional connection felt like or I would have recognized that as the core problem in my marriage....not just in myself but in my H. Just like my parents marriage so it was my normal.

I found out after getting awsy that I was capable ofemotionally connecting & learning how. My H on the ither hand was incapable. At least now I know if I ever find someone in my life what to really look for & what is functional & what is dysfunctional. We can see all the red flags but if we dont know what they really mean they are not very helpful because they can then too easily be rationalized away.....(just stuff I've learned from my own personal experiences & good therapy over the last few years..lol...sometimes I'm way too analytical)

A date. That's excellent news.

Enjoy your date

Date!!! It is awesome

Thank you... when I say that I was blinded by love, I did turn off my brain and ignored the clues because I was too "in love". I didn't want to see the problems, so I ignored them. I wanted to feel the feeling of being in love, because the last boyfriend before him I was not in love with. I was getting some needs met, so it served a purposes for me.... I was lonely, I was wanting love, I wanted a connection, and he gave me all of that.

I will find a much healthier and equal relationship next time.

And thank you, all..... my date was VERY fun!!!! He paid for everything, although I tried to go dutch after dinner for our drinks and my bank had put a hold on my card so he ended up paying for most of the night. OOPS. It was a fraud protection thing.

Good to hear it was a fun night. Ah fraud protection at the worst possible time. I'm thankful for it but it can be aggrivating too.

Glad you had a great evening. Nice to experience a good guy after a bad experience

I'm so pleased for you!

thank you both.

That is so awesome! We are all happy for you!

I am glad you had a fun date!

Woohoo, when is the second date?

Thanks, everyone! You're all so sweet and kind..... this guy is not someone I would get involved with, but it was nice to be treated out. I think we may have a second date, but I really want to just have fun and not get involved.... he doesn't want involvement either, so it's perfect! LOL. He's the perfect rebound man.

Right now, I am expanding my social circle and am meeting new friends. That's what I want to do. I need more people to hang out with, and I need more friends. I have a music scene I am involved in, so it's easy to make new friends in this scene.

I've been having a lot of fun lately (I went out Tues-Fri, lol) and just want to continue having fun.

I am still obsessing over thoughts of my ex, but I hope this will dissipate over time. All I can do is be with my friends and be surrounded by good people. I am all alone right now, and I need company.

I'm really happy that you're getting better. I have a lot to learn from you

aww, thank you, Mickey! I have my moments, but each day seems to improve just a little bit. The bottom line is -- I know what I deserve, and I deserve to be treated well. I treat others with respect, honesty and kindness, so that is what I will hold out for. NO more settling for anything LESS.

Really pleased you're turning things around so quickly.

Well, I'm trying to just move through this and past it.. I need to. And thank you so much for your support.

Big hug.

Happy that you are doing better

thank you, Purple, thank you Divine. I'm doing only slightly better, but that's better than nothing!