Online Dating: A Nightmare or a Good Way to Meet People?

I applaud your self restraint. I usually like to be in control of the relationship, rather than letting the other half do all the decision making (whether it be exclusivity or what have you). I understand that feeling of not wanting to have a serious relationship because the last one left a sour taste in your mouth.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess you're in "party" mode because it's what your doing to cope with everything. I'm not necessarily saying it's a bad thing, per say, but the party lifestyle is one long slippery slope that is nigh impossible to get off of once you've hit a certain point. It can ultimately result in life long altering decisions you can't take back.

I personally never get tipsy with a guy I haven't had full trust in. Granted, I've only been tipsy once (and that time it was with family, thankfully), but letting loose inhibitions and letting down your guard around someone you don't really know all that well can spell disaster. Again, I'm not saying anything bad about "Jim" here, but you just never really know.

I want you to understand that I'm naturally concerned here. I'm not trying to paint any bad pictures, or accuse you of anything. I just want you to be happy and safe and make the appropriate decisions here.

Aw, thank you. I greatly appreciate your caring concern.

Yes, I am wary about getting serious too fast, like I did last time around. I want to know his character better. That's why I want him to bring this up.. exclusivity that is. Knowing me, I'd do it too soon as I always have.

One thing I learned last night about him. He wants to open a marijuana coffee and hangout bar. That's a dream of his. My first thoughts were, my family would not approve of that. My family's very conservative and don't know that I even smoke once in a while. It is recreationally now legal where I live, but my whole family voted against legalization except me. I personally don't know what to think of his dream, but I supported him on it.

As far as getting tipsy around him. I suppose I am one to live on the edge of danger. I've always been this way. It doesn't mean that can't change of course, but it's the way I have been all my life.. Nothing bad has happened so far, but as I mentioned before, I am going to slow down the partying and be better about this around him especially.

Tomorrow night we have a date. He is surprising me! We're not seeing music this time, we're doing something completely different. That's a bit off topic, but I'm going to limit the drinking to a bare minimum.

It can definitely be worthwhile, and while I am sure creeps roam the internet (like everywhere else) there are definitely some good people you can meet online. I personally feel like most online relationships that don’t last are more due to the distance than someone being completely different from what they said. Though things did not work out for me, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Long distance relationships are really really tough. They CAN work out, but it's a far bigger challenge. It brings up a number of issues that may not be normally present when someone lives closer by.

I do feel I got lucky with online dating. It's far too soon to tell if this will work out, but it's going great so far and only time will tell. He's no creep. I was also lucky that he was the first person I met in person from online. I did not need to go through a bunch of sour apples first OR bad dates first. Thank God.

So he smokes pot yet is surprised you drink? It’s a bit strange.

I wouldn’t worry about the family at this point. Too early to worry about that. If you personally have no issue with him having marijuana shop, then no biggie.

Yes, that is a bit strange. Maybe he's not surprised.

And you're right. I won't worry about it, and I don't have an issue with it.

Can only tell you my experience. Okay it was terrible. Nothing but either scammers or men that didn't appeal to me or lived too far away. re: don't use free sites. Fact is one can be ripped off with romance scammers on paid sites. Its quite common to be scammed on paid sites too. For those of you who found happiness my congrats. I found my man the old fashion way. He was a good friend of my late hubby. We are going strong for nine years.

I would ask him about New Years? Why not?

Hmmm..... I guess I am so afraid of pushing things too soon. But New Years is just one night and a date. No big deal really, right? Maybe I will ask him tonight. I really do want to go to this concert. Thanks for your reply!

I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience. That's exactly what I expected when I first got online and created this thread. I am glad you found someone who is wonderful. That is great!

Just casually ask what he is doing, because you want to figure out your plans. Why wait until the last minute?

I asked him last night about New Years. Turns out, he was waiting for ME to give the green light. He already got a hotel nearby to the concert venue with the hopes that we would go.

AND... last night he surprised me with a very romantic ice skating date!!!!!

AND.... we both intervened with a young kid who was singing on stage and some A-hole was heckling him, so we both intervened and gave that guy hell for being such an A-hole, especially around Christmas!!!! This A-hole used the "C" word with me and called me that for defending this poor kid. ARGH..

I have now seen that "Jim" has a good heart. He defended this kid, stood up for him, stood up for me, he intervened, gave that guy hell (as did I), and wanted to see him get back on stage after he left in tears. He has a good heart!!!!

That’s wonderful!

I used to like ice skating. Haven’t in years.

It is wonderful thank you!

I was so wobbly on my ice skates. LOL. I forgot how to skate!

Remember this is the information gathering period of a relationship. Things get filed away in the mind & you csn be sure if he mentions it, it is a but of information he is filung away.

Over time the gathered onformstion will either ne dismissed as NOT IMPORTANT or eill accumulste with othed bits of information in determining whether compsyibility will grow or lessen depending on priority placed on those accumulated issues. It csn take a long time to touch on areas thst show up in a relstionship. Shoot, a real serious thing for me with the guy I married didnt show up for 10 months after meeting him & I should habe been wise enough even at 21 to KNOW it wasvavdeal breaker instead of excusing it away.

This is how relationships either grow or fail is by getting to know the other person IN ALL circumstances not just eith them putting their best foot forward. You cant know a person when they are covering up the bad points or even IGNORING them.

Life & relationships only grow out of truth. Anything else is an illusion.

Experience & be critical with the things that bother you NOW because they eill only accumulate over time & then bite the relationship down the road...but accumulste the GOOD too to make dure there is that balance. Just looking gor the BAD or jyst the GOOD doesnt work. Getting to know the REAL person does. That is what dating someone you have an interest in is all about, NOT just having fun.

ALL great points, thank you!

So, my online relationship that started out as fun is starting to turn into feeling like a real relationship --- it feels like we are becoming girlfriend/boyfriend now.

So I want to ask him about being exclusive. It hasn't come up and originally I wanted him to bring it up, but he hasn't. So I think I will, but not until after New Years. We are going skiing together, spending an overnight in a hotel and we are going to a concert New Years eve.
So I feel like the right time to bring it up is then, maybe when we've returned back home.

So my question is HOW do I bring this up? I want to say something like "so are you still responding to ppl on Match? I'm not... do you feel like we are at a place to be exclusive with each other or how do you feel about that?" Something like this. At that point, we would have been dating about six weeks --- is that too soon to ask to be exclusive??? I don't even know.

We feel very close to being boyfriend/girlfriend now. I've gone Christmas shopping with him, I've picked up skis with him for our ski trip, I waited for him while he interviewed... it feels like it's becoming a relationship. We have real feelings for each other, too.

What do ppl think?

Most certainly it’s not too soon to ask especially since you are physically intimate. I think it’s rather responsible thing to ask if people are dating others. I think it’s a bit overdue actually. Just ask.

thanks Divine! Yeah, it probably IS overdue! Ha. I am 99.99% certain he is not dating anyone else (he doesn't have the time!!), but I will ask.

Just because he may not be dating someone else doesnt mean that he may want an exclusive label on it though. However he sounds like someone that may assume because its intimate that it is exclusive. Could go either way & better to know before your heart gets any more involved & if he expects intimacy to continue without feelings involved or not. Wise time to get that cleared up & out in the open.

Leaving it not talked about leaves the relatiknship with nothing but assumptions wondering where the other person is really coming from & where they are planning on going with it.

Enjoy your ski trip....ah, the good old days. I used to winter vacation to Jackson Hole Wyo & spent 2 weeks skiing & , snow mobilung, snow shoeing, x-country skiing & just bumbing around the snow covered countryside.

Good luck.

All good points -- thanks. I will clear it up!

Wow, you really did a lot! I cannot wait to go skiing!!!

TY!

I reopened a lapsed account on one of these sites - sort of out of desperation/loneliness really - just got a like from someone who looks really nice and now I'm having a major panic. No idea what to do or say.