Online Dating: A Nightmare or a Good Way to Meet People?

Yes, it was last month, you are correct... or rather, towards the end of October -- six weeks ago. I know that I got back on the horse rather soon, but honestly? I expected to meet a bunch of frogs, go out on several single dates and not find anyone of interest for a long time. This guy is a COMPLETE surprise to me, but I am running with it... and want to take it slowly to see how things unfold.

LOVE your signature quote, btw!!!! That's my get up and go again song!!!

Enjoy the fun.....but if it does start to become more than that:

Some other questions would be good to think about or even find out some in casual conversation now:
Does he have custody of the kids or does his ex? If she has them, how much of his income goes to child support & maybe even to the ex in spousal support from the divorce?

My daughter lives with her BF who has 2 kids frlm his previous marriage & all his money goes to child support & court costs regarding the kids because his ex constantly creates problems.

Just beware of what you are getting involved in not just with who. You blew off the WHAT in your last relationship & look where it got you.

You need to know the WHAT or you could end up getting into a relationship where you are supporting this guy too because all his mobey is going into the expenses incured out of the divorce like my daughter is. In reality that situation would not have end results much different than your ladt relationship....except he would be working to pay for the child support instead of not working at all. The financial end would be no different.

If you dont look at the big picture its easy to end up in bad relationships even though we like the person.

No you arent at that place yet but knowing the facts up front can save a lot of grumbling & complaints about the situation one is involved in down the road. Just because you are attracted to someone doesnt mean they are the right person for you.

This guy may be rich & have a wonderful income that isnt effected by child support for 4 kids along with college tuition later on. But what If his money is all going to that & it limits what YOU want to do as a couple, how will you feel about that?

Just things to think about before you allow yourself to get involved like you did last time. Obviously in the end, it is your choice, but so are the consequences of the choices too.

She has primary custody, but obviously he has to pay child support and maybe alimony. He has paid for most of our dates, just bought a car and talks about taking vacations and trips.

These are things to think about of course, but not unless we get serious.

Art, I agree with you. That’s how I see it too and that’s how I would want it in my relationship. I’d have major problems if someone was already intimate with me yet was withdrawing or omitting the info. I just thought that Golden said on some other thread she wasn’t ready for relationship and was looking for friendship or having fun. Same with the guy she is dating, he said he was looking for friendship or what not. She also just said they are just casually dating and aren’t exclusive, which means they are seeing other people. Then who cares about disclosure. I might be wrong.

I might need more coffee but I am confused now. You plan on becoming exclusube AFTER you already had sex? So you aren’t exclusive or simply didn’t discuss it? I hope you are using protection if exclusivity wasn’t even discussed.

This is in response to all the talk about disclosure:

I'm getting tired of this. I have stated several times that we are just having fun right now. That it's casual dating. I've also stated that I was just looking for fun. I've also been clear that i am going to listen to my father, who is a very wise and experienced psychiatrist, and to my therapist who tell me there is no need to disclose mental health issues at this point unless things turn more serious and committed.

Can we end this discussion now please?

This is not what this thread was about.... I am sorry I even brought up this one issue!

Enough said. I am getting a little pissed off now.

We used protection. And yes, we are still casually dating and are not committed even though we slept together. So be it! It is the twentieth century after all. lol.

Twenty first lol It’s no big deal. I had casual sex. I am just confused on some contradictions what exactly you are looking for. My bad. I hope it all works out

LOL. Oops. 21st!

I am looking for fun right now. I am open to the possibility of something more developing in the future. I have no expectations. And thank you.

I know I just got pissed off and I apologize, but really, I don't think we need to discuss MI/MH disclosure any further on here. The main point of this thread was about online dating in general and how it goes.... I really DO appreciate everyone's concerns and wanting to look out for my best interests, etc!!!! I appreciate it.

That is exactly what I said in my first sentence

Sorry, I missed that. I am having a really bad couple of days....

Be safe, be careful, have fun.
Online dating sucks. If you want fun, have a lot of casual dates. Once I hit the 50 age group, things went downhill.

Good luck. Listen to your therapist and father.

Oh no sorry you have bad days, is it work? Hope it gets better soon

thank you so much.

thank you so much, Divine Yes, work, my boss.... GRRRR. I need a new job!!!!

So I must say. This guy is turning out to be quite the nice surprise. Seven dates now, another one tomorrow night..... we're still just having fun, and I don't know where it's going, if anywhere..... but he is soooooooo much fun! I have a blast with him every time! I am going to let him drive the boat here though. I want him to be the one to ask to be exclusive, if it comes to that at some point. I am always the one to rush things and to make things more serious, so this time, I want to let the guy lead...... if it even goes in that direction, who knows?! I don't right now.

Online dating is garbage. Unfortunately since normal courting behavior is now considered inappropriate it is the only option unless you are either still in school or have a wide social circle.

Why is it garbage? I know ton of people who met nice people on there, I’ve met my husband there. I think it’s no different than meeting people anywhere else. Courting behavior is not inappropriate unless it’s some type of situation of therapist or lawyer courts their client or prison guard courts prisoners or something like that

I'm sorry you have had such bad experiences with dating sites. It all honestly depends on what your looking for. If you want something serious and are only looking at free sites like OKCupid or the Tinder app, then yes, it won't work for you. Those are primarily sites for those wanting a quick hookup/one night stand.

It's also like playing the lottery. You have to be really lucky to find someone worthwhile on a dating site, but then again you'd do the same IRL, but with face to face contact instead of leaving messages.

I meet my husband on OkCupid. We will be celebrating 7 years next year!

I agree. Yes, some people have had great relationships and met people and married.

But often times it is a hotbed of mental shallowness and insecurity.

So far, I've been having a good experience.... I don't think normal courting is considered inappropriate. Where are you getting that from?

Regardless of where you find dates, whether online or elsewhere, there will be duds to wade through. From my experience online dating has a higher amount of people just looking to hook up because it is a lot easier than asking someone to their face "Would you like to have casual sex?"

That being said, you will find good people in the online dating area as well. It just may be a bit harder to find them among the large amount of people just looking for casual hookups. I met my current partner on this site actually, and it's the healthiest relationship I've been in so you just never know.