[LiteraryLark]

I have moderate to severe social anxiety. I can have a girls night with myself and three other girls and feel the need to run and hide. With girl's nights like that, I can push through it with frequent trips to smoke, alcohol, and going to bed early.

I know it's last minute, but I'm hoping I can get a vial of courage for tomorrow.

I'm terrified of going to this family holiday. I know I have the option of showing up just for dinner and leaving like my mom who will because she works graves, but a part of me wants to face this fear and find a way to enjoy myself.

Here is what I am afraid of:

My Aunt. I feel like she dissects me with her eyes every time she sees me and silently judges me as she stares into my soul...and I don't know why she does that. I really like her as an aunt but I have the feeling of rejection above my head.

My two youngest cousins. I get so angry every time I think of them. They are spoiled rotten little monsters (who are WAY WAY WAY too old to act that way). They are beyond rude to everyone and have said some awful and hurtful things throughout the years. I'm not necessarily afraid of them, but afraid that they will say something awful that will trigger me to want to leave.

Another few things I am afraid of is no one to talk to...no one who will notice me...AND...to try my hardest to socialize and failing, looking like an idiot, saying the wrong thing, and feeling so alone in a crowded room.

Do you have any tips for someone with social anxiety on how to handle a big holiday gathering?

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Just ran across this. I don’t have any advice since I have social anxiety as well. Just wanted to offer my support and send positive vibes and best wishes your way.

Things that help me are being mindful (staying present in the moment), saying silent mantras and affirmations to myself and asking lots of questions! I put the focus on the other person by asking them questions about them and their life. Everybody appreciates a good listener who shows an interest in their life and it takes some of the spotlight off you.

I hope all goes smoothly tomorrow.

First of all, give yourself permission to back out and leave.

I tend to think catastrophically. There are some great Decatastrophizing Worksheets on the internet. These worksheets ate helpful in that they ultimately lead you to formulating a plan should the case be the situation gets difficult. Also ask yourself these question making a mental list: how is avoiding the gathering helpful to you? how is attending going to be beneficial. I know, easier said than done.

(Gee, I really need to remember doing this for myself.)

Literary Lark, I just wanted to tell you I can relate. I have SA too. The intensity of it comes and goes over time, and right now it's pretty mild. Just don't put me at a podium in front of the room! Its been quite worse in the past though. My family can be kind of dysfunctional and judgmental. I feel like my own family has evolved for the better over the years, but I can completely relate to worrying that someone might say something mean, and feeling judged by my own family.

Things I have literally done in the past to cope. These things were not always ideal, but it was how I was able to cope with my family and having SA around the holidays: removing myself from the situation by either leaving early or arriving late, just not going to the family function, gravitating towards the kindest and most safest person in the room and hanging out with them - even if just my own familiar mother, going in another room, bringing knitting with me or a book, recognizing that it's not all my fault for the way I feel and that my family plays a role too (this kind of helped me to get my power back, I ended up blaming them for a while too, which wasn't healthy for me, but idk, it's what I did), and lastly, pretending that everything was ok and just trying with them (joining in on the conversation anyway).

I hope you're having a restful evening now, LL, now that everything is over and doing something kind for you.

Actually, I think that's the most important part of coping after having to experience family, SA, and the holidays: decompressing afterward.

[hvert]

Hope it was okay. I try to keep it short. I spent four hours at a family gathering yesterday, way past my two hour limit. Now I'm already trying to figure out how to get out of tonight's repeat event...

[divine1966]

I don’t have social anxiety but I thought I was going to bang my head on the wall during thanksgiving dinner. I always host thanksgiving. My mother who is pretty sick demanded and insisted on hosting it this year. When I host people are civil because I have a peaceful home. Not so much when my parents host...

My parents house is cluttered and causes me stress (I am a clean freak). My dad and brother enjoy agitated discussion about politics (I don’t share their political views), it was deeply disturbing to me. My dad is perpetually dismissive of my husband (my dad is toxic). My husband has Tourette’s and was so stressed that he couldn’t stop ticking, poor guy. My niece argued with her mother, my sister in law, who always knows everything better (she doesn’t know anything but thinks she does). We both left feeling sick and exhausted.

I can’t even imagine how someone with SA survive this kind of nightmare. Hugs to all who struggle through holidays

I don't have social anxiety with my family, but anxiety nonetheless. More anxiety and expectations of criticism, or who will start the next family argument, etc. My walls are up more with them than with anyone else.

I don't have advice, sorry. I just stay away as much as possible, myself. My family knows that they can't pressure me to attend their functions, cause I just stay away regardless.