I feel like every girl who's with me ruins her image

Hello. I have a serious problem regarding dating. I'm currently 23, I'm coming from a simple, poor family and i'm a college student. I just can't allow myself to have a girlfriend. Everytime a girl is showing interest in me, i have to push her away because i feel like she deserve better. I feel like i will be a burden for her. I don't have money to take her out or to buy her gifts, i don't have a car to take her to places. I just can't let someone love me. I met girls that don't care about this, but if i let her be with me i feel like I'm completely ruining her image. I'm ok with being single but the loneliness is rotting inside. I feel guilty for being with her and not letting her be with someone more rich and famous. And the worse part, i feel everyone around me judging her for picking me.

You sound sensitive about girls feelings and needs--that's positive. You are in college in order to graduate and eventually obtain a good job. If you work hard and are successful--you will eventually be able to provide all these things. It is just going to take time. In the meantime, think of dating as fun and friendship. Friends are not about image--they are about who we naturally connect too. Sometimes it is more about chemistry than anything else. You are only 23--someday you can have a car, girl, job and all the rest. There are girls at college on the very same journey. Next time, try not to push girls who show interest away--just enjoy it and tell them you appreciate them!! College is a good time for lighthearted (not to serious) dating. Many people do not get that serious about dating until they have graduated because they are concentrating on their studies.

Most people don't look for money or fame in a partner. The main thing I look for in a partner is common values: kindness, honesty, effort, etc. You don't have to pay for entire dates. Many people are happy to pay their own way. You can buy a snack or beverage when you go out if you can't afford a whole meal.

Why do you think you ought to be fronting the bill for such things?

In this day and age a woman ought to be paying her share or at least contributing to the expenses.

I think you are placing too high a standard and expectations upon yourself. If you feel pressured to meet these then I suggest you are looking for the wrong women. Why be with someone so extremely shallow?

You may want to work on what you'd like to do together as a couple.

There was a period where my boyfriend was underemployed due to a lay-off. For months we had practically no budget to do things - but things we did.

We made picnics and visited the parks.
We went for walks in green spaces and along the river.
We went to the art gallery (free or by donation) each week and participated in free art classes.
We went to the museum for a cheap coffee and walk about (I volunteered and could get us in for free)
We stayed in and played cards.
We prepared meals together.
We contacted friends and went for coffee.
We paid attention to the local events calendar and were frequently attending free events like Fringe Festivals and concerts (and when they weren't free we volunteered together)

These things cost little or no money. There, if you do only one of these things a week, I've just given you two full months of activities.

You sound like such a great couple. Unfortunately, in this iniv., Darwinism it's on its bloom. The only good treats i have are only spiritual. I might have a good heart, but i still was dumped for someone with a cool car and a big house. I can barely afford to pay my college and i don't get to much from selling my drawings ( just a couple of bucks a month) I can't afford to buy cool clothes or expensive parfumes. My only treat is kindness, i help everyone and i do it very good (i'm a handy man, i repair everything i lay my hand on, and i help them with projects) but in the end, I'm just the nice guy. It wouldn't bother me, i know i will be able to afford more in the future, but the loneliness is simply killing me.

You just need to get past the "image" thing. Image is fleeting and completely subjective. First you can either be the guy that goes for the popular, fad look or you can be yourself. You can look the part of the guy that has the newest fashions and even may look great and appealing to some but that's still not guaranteed. Besides do you want women or other people to see you for the clothing and style you wear or do you want a real woman that wants a guy that is actually nice, honest and treats a woman well (not talking monetarilh here either but respectfully) It's an old cliché to say it's what's on the inside but nonetheless it remains true. The lady you want is the one that met you talked to you and got to know you and didn't get hung up on image. That lady will also happen to be the one that isn't going to care about image when going out with someone so it becomes irrelevant.

You find a lady that picks you because you happened to look like you have a great image and that will just be a superficial person with whom a relationship will only last as long as your "image" remains pristine. You really don't want that.

Perhaps re-evaluate your expectations and standards. As for this person you mention, aren't you thrilled you found out her true self before things went further in the relationship? Consider yourself fortunate.

In the meantime, with those new expectations at your side, go about meeting people. The most likely place is where your own interests take you. Develop yourself a network. A support group is a great place to meet people. Volunteer too. Check the community activities boards at your library, grocery, or community association. Sign up for meet-up.

If someone will dump you just because you don't have fancy clothes, then perhaps it's a good thing it happened.
Don't worry about this: just be yourself. You're in college, so you're working hard for your future. That's pretty honorable So keep looking, and perhaps work on your self-esteem..