[gloria]

My 8 year old daughter told me yesterday with tears in her eyes that daddy loves everybody else more than us. I asked her what made her say that:
She said he had promised to come back to the house right away. She told him she wanted to show him what she had learned to do with her skates. She was very proud of learning how to skate in one day!

Well, daddy didn't come home, and she could see him playing horseshoes with the neighbor that the neighbor's house. That broke her heart.

How can I protect her heart? How can I tell her that daddy does love her, he just gets distracted easily? She's getting older now..

gab

[PlanningtoLive]

Hi Gab,

I really haven't answered too many of your posts, but this one really hits home. I have an 8 year old son who has alot of issues with his father, my husband, quite a bit.

My husband has no patience with him, hurts his feelings, yells, calls him names (four letter and others), and I get to clean up the pieces that my son falls into.

Awhile ago, I told my son that one day it would be just him and I.............want to know his response? "At least there won't be anymore sad faces, Mom".

Children know - their feelings get hurt, etc. My son knows his dad loves him in his own way - but that isn't enough.

I know you've been flucuating back and forth about your home situation. I've been in mine for 10 years and I'm still kicking myself daily. I only got married for my son's sake (we've been married 7 years) and I've been biding my time for way too long.

He drains me mentally and financially...........if it wasn't for my son, I wouldn't go home.

You can't protect her heart - you stay, she gets hurt.......you leave, she gets hurt. The big difference is that one is ongoing, and the other will subside over time.

Find the strength to do what is best for you and your child, the same way I need to...........

<font color=purple>The key to realizing a dream is to focus not on success but significance - and then even the small steps and little victories along your path will take on greater meaning.
Oprah Winfrey (1954 - ), O Magazine, September 2002<font color=purple>

Well. I don't have kids, but my mom tried to protect us from my dad. One thing that she did that didnt help was to tell us that dad really loved us and we should just forgive him. It was like she was invalidating everything we went through. I never knew if this was normal for dads that loved their kids. I think honesty is what helps kids and reinforcement about your love for them. Work on their self esteem and replace bad relationships with good ones. Perhaps there is a loving uncle or grandfather that you trust to build her up. Personally. I wish my mom would have put boundaries on my father to keep him freom abusing us. I wish she would have thought of a line that he couldnt have exceeded with us without her speaking up or leaving.

Gosh.. sooooo to summarize. I think the following helps kids.
1. Acknowledgement of their pain
2. Speaking about their feelings and validting them
3. Vowing to protect them from abuse
4. Working on their self-esttem and making them feel loved
5. Letting them understand that it is not their fault
6. Prayer

again.. i have no kids.. im just opinionated lol.. so take this with a grain of salt

[gloria]

Thank you both. You both are an eye opener.
I work hard at validating her feelings without putting her dad down (that is hard because I have my own feelings!). I also try very hard to protect her and I think is it a smart and strong statement when you say the option is on-going hurting, or hurting and then moving on.

I know what I need to do, it is just scary ... working and planning on that.

gab

[shakes]

((((Gloria)))))
I am sorry that I cannot think of much to say right now.

Jessica

<font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>