[Sylent1]

Within about 2 weeks I broke up with my ex and found somebody so much better for myself (who lives 3 hrs away) and I'm engaged(she proposed=) after a very short time--1 1/2 mos., which may be a problem in itself, but my problem is that my ex is still around because we try to be friends. I think that the wounds are too deep to be friends though, that's why I'm in this position where I find myself thinking that maybe it would be easier to just go back with my ex even though I know I won't be happy. We still love each other very much. I know I put a lot of stress on myself and I don't want to become one who tries to fulfill everyone else's expectations and in the end neglect my own. I've just been going through a lot of sleepless nights that are interfering with my 8am summer classes. Do you think it was too soon for a new girlfriend, much less a fiancee? I just don't see it, aren't most people looking for happiness? I'm looking for something I can't explain. I'm thinking maybe I'll recognize it once I find it but who knows? Also, I started thinking that my fiancee proposed to me so that she couldn't lose me, which seemed romantic at first, but now that just seems kinda weird. Everytime I talk to either one I fall in love with them all over again, except my ex and I constantly fight. The fiancee and I are suppose to exchange rings on Fri. but I'm considering canceling my trip in favor of my ex, someone help me with advice or direction...I'm only 21--this (in)decision will follow me for a lifetime....

[lonelyone]

Oh my gosh! That sounds like me 18 years ago. My then boyfriend broke off with me after a 2-year relationship because I wanted more from the relationship. He couldn't even say the M word.

Well, within a few months from that time, I met a new guy. Handsome, educated, and charming. After a few dates, we talked about past relationships. I told him about this 2-year relationship and how it was going nowhere and he didn't say much about it. Well, this old beau called a few weeks later and we met for lunch. I was so confused I started crying in a public restaurant where we had lunch. I later told the new beau about how we met for lunch. Well, that got the ball rolling I guess. He gave me a ring a few months later and want to get married 3 months after that! Well, I was so flattered that someone actually wanted to marry me, seemed really sure about what he wanted, that I said yes. Things moved way too fast. We got married within a year of first meeting.

Well, flash forward 18 years. Here I am, more loney than I have ever been in my life. Unhappy. IF it weren't for my two kids, I'd be out of here. And you know what, I still think about that old beau from time to time. I think we were more suited for each other. I didn't really know my husband when I married him. I thought I did, sure. But I was rushed into the marriage thing. He's like your fiancee. She feels threatened because that someone else is still in the picture.

You are only 21. I would advise (and I'm not an expert by any means) that you put off the ring exchange. Don't feel pressured like I. ONce you exchange the rings, this will escalate so fast you won't be able to think straight. And with your old flame, if you know you weren't happy, it won't get any better. Let that flame die out. Live each day anew. Meet new people. Don't make a mistake and marry someone because you're flattered sheproposed so quickly. She sounds like my husband. I can't think of the word -- inadequate, threatened, I don't know.

Try telling both of them you need some time to yourself right now, maybe set a time period like 6 months or whatever. If they're both gone by then, it was meant to be. Just don't feel pressured.

[gloria]

Why not take some time for yourself?
These two options are not the only options of the world. One doesn't make you happy, the other one sounds like rebound to me ...
I migh be wrong but, what is the hurry, how about being by yourself for a while?

Explore other choices and TAKE YOUR TIME.

gab

[Sesquix]

Hey pal,

The residents here have made many great points of what steps to take. I have been in your situation and I am so glad I left my fiancee of four years. It was hard to do at first, but getting away helped everything. I decided to go on an exchange trip instead. The only apspect appealing about our relationship was the comfort of knowing it was there along with the misery. I was secure knowing I had a miserable realtionship to go home to every night. Finding the love of your life should not be about making a hard decision of which one. If you feel you are having to chose between the lessser of two evils, then take some time off. I was engaged to this guy for 4 years, went away for a while and didn't miss him once I left. I met the most wonderful person and married him 11 months from the day we met. It has been almost 7 years now and we have the best relationship that I could never have imagined. Another question you need to ask yourself is would you want your kids to be just like this girl(s)? That was the impetus I needed to leaving my first love. If I had wanted kids at the time, I would never want them to turn out like my first fiancee. Make a list of everything you want in your dreamgirl, how does that comapre to what you have now?

[KathyP]

Reading over everything... I must agree with the other people..YOU NEED TO TAKE SOMETIME TO BE ALONE...
Alone isn't such a bad thing....How can you be happy with someone if you can't be happy with yourself?
Take time and meet other people and get to know just what it is in a person that makes you happy.