Not the most liked friend

Your friend clearly likes Sarah even if you don’t. Sometimes people have their reasons. Your options are to see your friend without Sarah present. If that’s option isn’t available (although I don’t get it, are they romantic couple? If not are they ever apart?) then perhaps you might give up on that friendship. I still kind of don’t understand this dynamic. Does sound a bit high school.

Is it common for you to have such dynamic with friends? Or it’s just this girl?

I think we just have to accept sometimes that our friends won't always do or say things we like, but that doesn't mean there isn't value in the friendship.

If Sarah is not present but you are hearing her through your friend's words then maybe it's more a case you're not happy with who your friend really is rather than Sarah herself being the issue?

I feel like my friend is a good person but unduly influenced. What is so great about Sarah. I have absolutely NO idea. This is the thing that annoys me. Sarah is married and I sometimes wonder if it has to do with that... in that Sarah's husband seems like a wonderful person.

I just wish I understood why. I feel like if I could get Sarah erased from my friend's memory we would be all set and I guess I am opining that I can't do that.

Do you feel a little jealous? You might not know Sarah well enough to know all about her. Some people might not seem like that great until you get to know them better. And some people we just click and connect with for mysterious reasons, they don’t need to be great. Have you talked to your therapist about your feelings?

I think Divine hits on a good point, Sarah might not be all that 'great' but your friend may just click with her, friendship chemistry isn't always straight forward.

I too wonder why you feel threatened by her. It's not unusual not to like all of a friend's other friends - we have different facets to our personality and different friends fit that, but it seems to trouble you to the point you want Sarah gone which is a strong reaction. This might be hitting on some nerve within yourself.

My husband has some questionable friends and it’s ok. They certainly aren’t great but I don’t have to like them. I don’t want them erased from his memory at all and he is actually my husband. Wanting someone erased from your friend’s (probably not even best friend’s) memory is indication of some unusual level of possessiveness towards friends. I believe it’s a good topic for discussion with therapist

This whole line appears as an after effect of a "Be Perfect Driver" where it strives to make Sarah less perfect than Emily's friend opined.

As children we are said to begin in the I'm o.k. - you're o.k. position. The current senario shows movement away from that position of innocence. In the current position (I'm o.k. - you're not o.k.) taken by Emily, feelings of superiority are thought to be motivating factors in the psychoanalytic school of thought:

" This position is a trap into which many managers, parents and others in authority fall, assuming that their given position makes them better and, by implication, others are not OK.

These people may also have a strong 'Be Perfect' driver, and their personal strivings makes others seem less perfect."

Sarah seems less perfeect.

I am confused. What do you mean?

I can't imagine anyone with parents that never had "do's and don't's." Do's and Don't's are "drivers." The issue here is perfection. The "be perfect driver" first presented to the complaintant (Emily) by her parents is preventing the friendship (Emily's) from moving forward as a threesome with everyone taking the primary I'm o.k. you're o.k. position. Sarah is "o.k." to Emily's friend, but "not o.k." to Emily.

I am not jealous of her or feel threatened by her. But my friend is so under Sarah's spell I can't be myself with her. For instance... Sarah is a teacher and thinks that means she is a god. Not only can't I in anyway criticize the teaching profession I cannot tout my own profession or my friends because, teachers are always the best int he world.

But I feel if Sarah didn't exist or was erased from my friend's memory we could be more normal all around and discuss reasonably such issues.

It is Sarah's way or the high way... and my friend who is normally very friend feels she can't be fair to me because Sarah wouldn't take it well and so Sarah will always win.

It could be said that the whole affair/relationship is less than "perfect."

I've been watching this thread and here's my perspective for what its worth. You can't change Sarah's personality. You can't make them stop being friends with each other. You can voice your concerns but it is unlikely your friend will unfriend Sarah because you don't like her. I wouldn't do that.

My advice is short and simple: let it go. Maybe its the end of the friendship. Maybe its a break until something changes. If its making you unhappy, let it go.

I have also been watching this thread. If you are able to spend time with your friend apart from Sarah, then that would be ideal. If you can't, then you may not be able to continue this friendship.

Also, it appears that your friend has changed since her friendship with Sarah, according to your account. She may like Sarah's qualities, even though you do not like them. So it may be that you two have grown apart.

It sounds like it is unlikely that your friend is going to change back into the person you knew pre-Sarah.

Also, it sounds like you are very uncomfortable with Sarah's opinions. You say that if you say positive things about your own profession, that she will dislike this because according to her, her profession is the best. My question is, why let this bother you? You need to be comfortable with the fact that you will not always agree with others or like the same things as others. And this is perfectly okay. Voice what you feel about your opinions, if her opinion is different, then that is her opinion and you need not let it affect you. You are entitled to your opinion just as much as she is entitled to hers.

I think you could salvage this relationship if you could be comfortable with disagreeing with others. However, if it is too uncomfortable for you to own your own likes and dislikes, then maybe it is best to not stress yourself with a relationship with people who may not always agree with you in every way.

Seesaw

Did Sarah actually tell you that she thinks teachers are the best in the world or you think she feels that way? Did she tell you that teachers are Gods? I am confused on why do you want to criticize teaching profession? Is this a requirement in maintaining friendship with these ladies?

I don’t think it’s nice to criticize any professions unless maybe we are talking about drug dealers. Why do you feel the need to do that? What do you care what she does for a living?

I and many others have tremendous respect for professions that save lives, I don’t save lives but I don’t feel that my importance is somehow diminished because others respect firefighters or doctors etc I just don’t understand it. Do you feel that Sarah has something that you dont? The whole issue just seems like a total non issue. Or you aren’t addressing deep roots of your feelings about all this.

You seem to have an issue with other people liking someone more than you. But that’s normal. That’s part of life.

Just hope you, Sarah and your other female friend can work things out. My question to you is how important is your relationship is with your non Sarah girlfriiend. Only you can decide that for yourself. Is it possible you can invite only her to see you?

In this case yes. But I wouldn't be so hard on teachers if Sarah wasn't constantly going on about her profession as the greatest ever. Plus, I and my friend are not allowed to talk about ours. And she has attacked mine. It is just one point of friction.

Anyway in this particular relationship my friend has left the board we used to always talk on and I considered e-mailing my friend and seeing if I can lure her to my side, but, just going over it again... I think i can't.

In any relationship I don't think I have ever been the most liked of the group and I kind of wish I could be.

Emily. How did we come to a stalemate in life over a friend's choice of friends? One thing in life that teachers encourage students to make is the correct choices. And yet we see our friend's choice of a teacher as best friend as a poor one. Over the decades teachers have been frequently listed among the top 10 most prestigious jobs in America. Teachers are commonly held in high esteem. If we hold a more prestigious job, then it too might be listed on a "Harris Poll" report regarding prestigious jobs. Are we so desperate to expose (Sarah) our friend's chhoice of best friend as a poor one that we neglect the evidence that proves us a better choice? Berating her choices, do we really care for our friend so fond of a teacher? Is our chosen friend guilty of our exposure to a kind of reality blitz. Or is it time for us to sit down and join the class?