What is causing the problems in my relationship?, need opinions.

Hi all,

First of all, thanks for you help.

So lets start with the fact that i have low sex drive, now i know this can come and go in women and it my be a phase but it's definitely there & has been for a couple of months.

Now i am trying to push not wanting to have sex to the back of my mind so i can try keep my partner satisfied. I love him and care about him and want him to be happy. But i am not having orgasms anymore because i am not in the right mind-frame to be having sex.

My boyfriend has picked up on it and he makes it very clear that he has, there has been a few argument about how he thinks that im not interested in him anymore and that is far from the truth.

He has to ask me to have sex, he hates that and i hate that and it's doesn't help the situation and i make him feel like crap when i say no which sometimes does happen, it a endless cycle that i need to get out off!

Can anyone give me any advice please? any ways to get my sex drive back, any advice on how to talk to my boyfriend? Because the longer it goes on the more stressed i become and i'm scared of loosing him.

Thanks,
Jane

Hey Jane, I am a guy, but incidentally I had a reverse situation with my girlfriend. She wanted to have sex multiple times a day but I could only do it once every 2-3 days. During that time with her I suffered from depression, didn't exercise much, and didn't have the best diet.

Things that can affect sex drive:

-Stress, depression, anxiety
-Diet
-Suppression of endorphin release

Things to help:

-To mitigate stress; find good friends and people to be around. Cut out those who negatively affect you. Social situations can significantly affect they way we feel about ourselves.
-Diet (eat a balanced diet i.e. fruit, vegetables, nuts). Cut out more unhealthy things or simply just eat less of them.
-Exercise (exercise releases endorphins which are also released during sex). Exercise significantly helps with a lot of functions in the body, brain, and mind.
-Emotion regulation; find things you like doing (i.e. if you like art, draw; If you like TV, find a good show and cry during the tough parts; If you like music, listen or play some music). Make time for yourself.
-Know yourself; you're justified in feeling a specific way. Maybe there is no specific right thing to do, but give yourself time. It will come back. Hopefully he can understand that too. It's not just you, a partner should understand the limitations of another and be understanding.

Here's my advice: Fake it.

Otherwise, if this guy is at all normal, he will start seeking someone who makes him feel desired.

You having orgasms isn't absolutely necessary to the two of you having a sex life that is mutually pleasurable. If physical closeness to him doesn't really interest you, then I would suggest you have no real future with this guy.

There's more to this story than you are disclosing here. That's your business. No one who previously had an interest in sex just suddenly loses it, with no clue as to why. Ask yourself what happened . . . and give yourself an honest answer.

Hey, there is nothing that i know of that i am holding back.
Sometime is feel that my relationship is under stress because of my boyfriends reactions.
I give him sex and i enjoy it a lot of the time, i just haven't got the get up and go about it & he senses that. I try to give it him everyday or at least something to satisfy him, but it's never enough in his mind, which makes me feel like im not enough.

Once a day is more than many other couples get. I think if you communicate that to him in a nice way?

Anxiety or an unacknowledged resentment toward your bf? Some psych drugs make it harder to orgasm. Don't know how available it is for you but pot can reduce anxiety about sex/be an amplifier. Or perhaps talking to a therapist might help. Sometimes our past sexual experiences can effect our current sex life more than we realize or perhaps venting to a T about your bf in a more general way could be helpful.....

For me, I go through phases concerning how much sex I want. It is good that your bf wants it regularly. My POV is always be there when your bf needs it so he will be there for you when you need it. I like when a partner never says "No".

I think you should try to reach a compromise. Once a day is too much considering you don't even enjoy it, so perhaps you could try to do some sort of schedule - perhaps once every three days or something. What do you think?

I am sorry for the pain you are going through.

Have you considered seeing a certified sex therapist?

Okay, I see a whole different angle to look at this from. You may be getting bored. Your guy may be less than Don Juan under the sheets. Some guys expect to be entertained sexually every night . . . like they hired an escort to turn them on. That gets very tedious for a woman.

After the initial honeymoon period, normal couples don't have sex every night. This guy seems to expect it as desert every evening. I can see where you would be getting sick of this as incessant attention seeking. He may know little about the art of seduction, which entails letting desire build over an interval of time. He may be treating you as a machine, where he pushes a button and you're supposed to "turn on." That does gets old. I'ld let him know that - from time to time - the answer is "Not tonight, Honey."

Could I ask a question how long have you been with your boyfriend?