[confused75]

Hi i am a 27 year old woman married to a 30 year old man for the last 3 years. We have known each other for about 5 years now. My husband is a wonderful man, really good at heart, helps with household chores etc. he is not a big communicator but i do know that he loves me very much. i have over the last 3 years done really well at work got many opportunities to travel and make lots of friends from various cultures etc. it has really broadened my world and perspective. in the interim i also cheated on my husband with someone from work; and didnt feel guilty about it all. i feel that there must be something lacking (though i dont know what) in my marriage, that prompted me to do this. i also have this really strong urge to be single again, travel around, go back to college etc. which i cant do currently because i am married and i have a commitment to be responsible and run our house etc. i am confused as to whether i really love my husband or not. i resent him for holding me back from the life i think i want; but i also dont want to hurt him by leaving him. i am also worried that if i let go, i might in the future wish i hadnt and regret divorcing this man. how do i know whether i should stay married or explore the big bad world outside

[penna]

this would be a good subject to discuss with a t. i was in a similar situation earlier this year and i started seeing a t. he pointed out that the reason i wanted out of my marriage was that i have trouble letting people close to me. he suggested some couples therapy, which has been extremely helpful for my husband and me--it has helped us both understand each other better and it has helped me figure out how to meet my needs in the confines of our marriage instead of focusing on how much better things would be if i were single. i don't know your background or anything, but seeing a t about this certainly wouldn't hurt.

[Willow]

Hi confused75,

I just wanted to let you know I read your post... actually something like 3 times. I wish I could answer, but I'm single... have always been single... may always be single. I have no concept of married life. I guess I just posted to let you know I took some time with you even if you didn't see me post before this.

Intimacy: "into me see."

[confused75]

hi! thank you for your reply! Appreciate you reading the post and replying. Wish you well.

[confused75]

took your suggestion and started t. Too early to say its working. Thanx for the advice.

[penna]

good for you!! i promise you this won't be easy, and you'll probably feel like things are getting worse for a little while, but stick with it.