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#1
Oct 02, 2008, 09:44 PM
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Hello Everyone
 I'm very upset right now!   My friend just "invited herself" over to my place tomorrow evening!! She didn't ask if it was ok...nothing....just "I'm coming over". Reason for her coming over?? Her parents are having company over! She is in her mid-thirties.... Needless to say Zen888 is pissed off at her!!  
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#2
Oct 02, 2008, 09:49 PM
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What a strange woman
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#3
Oct 03, 2008, 02:44 AM
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(((zen888)))
are you having other people come over? if not, tell her you're stressed and would rather be alone. if yes, well... that's a tougher situation. :S hugs, twilight
__________________
花鳥風月
c'est tout ce que j'aime |
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#4
Oct 03, 2008, 08:41 AM
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Hi Everyone
I've decided to call her this morning and tell her that I have homework to do and for her to find other plans for this evening. Pray for me or send me positive vibes! Zen888 
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#5
Oct 03, 2008, 08:44 AM
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(((zen888))) sending positive energy! it'll be ok, just stand up for yourself
 you can do it! twilight
__________________
花鳥風月
c'est tout ce que j'aime |
 Zen888
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#6
Oct 03, 2008, 09:28 AM
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Glad you are taking good care of yourself. |
| Zen888
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#7
Oct 03, 2008, 05:35 PM
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Hello again everyone
I stood up for myself and this is what has happened.... She eventually called me back this afternoon after I left 2 voice mails. She said that she didn't see how her being there would interupt my homework, that she was asking a favour of me, that she is inconvinced by me not having her over, and not to expect favours from her in the future. She has a strong type A personality with OCD. Any input on the situation is welcomed. Was I unfair? Was I rude? or Is she being unreasonable? Zen888
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| thaddypuss
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#8
Oct 03, 2008, 06:05 PM
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To me it just looks like she's very comfortable with you so felt no qualms in telling you she was coming over. At least she "warned" you instead of just showing up at your door.
 She may be a bit unreasonable by not accepting that you have other things to do. That's the way she sees things, though, and everyone has their own perspective. I wouldn't worry about it. Why can't she just mingle with her parents and their friends, though? But if she's uncomfortable around them, why can't she just go to her room? 
__________________
Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
| Zen888
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#9
Oct 04, 2008, 01:39 PM
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Hi Everyone
Anymore input or advice would be greatly appreciated! Zen888 
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#10
Oct 04, 2008, 01:57 PM
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You have the option to say "I enjoy your company but that isn't a good time for me."
You can have "other plans"--the other plans are not having company. You don't have to say why it isn't a good time for you and if your friend persists in asking why, you repeat it just isn't a good time for me. You could also suggest another time that would be better. Then you would be setting your boundary, defending it with a 'no', yet adding a 'yes' because you enjoy your friend, but on your terms. |
| Zen888
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#11
Oct 04, 2008, 02:39 PM
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Hey Zen,
Are you close to this person? Do you consider her a friend? I ask this because you dont seem to want to hang out with her and if that is the case then you should tell her that...straight up... because by her response it seems to me that she sees through the "you have to do homework" thing and is asking for the truth of the matter....it seems to me that maybe she considers you more of a friend then you her?? I dont know if this helps at all..its just my opinion...Phoenix
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| Zen888
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#12
Oct 04, 2008, 07:54 PM
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Quote:
I have difficulties feeling close to my friend due to her OCD and strong type A personality. In addition, she has told me that she talks about me and other ppl at work. So, I don't feel that we have an authentic relationship built on trust and boundaries. She is on the other hand a very nice person but at times can be difficult to tolerate (OCD behaviors). I just don't feel comfortable opening up to her anymore for the mere fact that she discloses somethings I tell her to other ppl. And yesterday she didn't see a reason for respecting my boundaries and NEED to do homework and have private time. I don't know....I feel clueless at this point....but I am glad that I stood up to her and set a boundary with her. She didn't like it at all. So esstentially, I am friendless for the time being. Focusing on my academics and self-improvement. Any additional comments, suggestions, insights, advice...is more than welcomed! Zen888
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#13
Oct 04, 2008, 08:43 PM
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zen,
there's nothing wrong with telling someone you don't want them to just land in on you. she was acting like you should just throw open your door and allow her in no matter how she treats you. if i was in that situation and needing to tell her how i felt and withdraw her permission to come over i think i would have gone ahead and told her the truth, as in: so and so, when you just announced you were coming to my house tomorrow without even asking me, i felt invaded, upset, treated rudely..... Friends need to ask for favors, not just assume them. We are not so close that i am ok with just being "told" to offer hospitality. If a situation like this occurs again feel free to "request" sanctuary and if i am up for company well and good and if i do not feel like having company you will need to make another plan for yourself. Friends ask, they don't assume. Now, after saying things like this this type-A, ocd, self-absorbed person might be angry but she would know how things stood and you would not feel angry and imposed upon. I don't know how old this woman is, but it is certainly time she knew a little more about Manners 101 "it is not polite to invite ones self over to anothers house." Time for her to grow up and manner-up. leslie and the pixies ps while i was informing her of adult standards of behavior i would probably tell her that they also included keeping confidences and NOT repeating them to ANYONE. it is not ok to spread information told by one to other people. it is called GOSSIP and gossip is a big NO NO!
__________________
  HEALING HAPPENS
Last edited by multipixie9; Oct 04, 2008 at 08:51 PM. Reason: additional bit of opinionatedness |
| Zen888
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#14
Oct 06, 2008, 12:59 AM
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I completely agree with Multipixie9. It is really rude to invite oneself at a friend's place instead of asking if it would be convenient for her to come and visit. Good luck in making her understand your position.
Lily
__________________
"In helping others, we shall help ourselves, for whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us." -- Flora Edwards |
| Zen888
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#15
Dec 28, 2017, 11:32 AM
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Similar thing happened to me. I live with my parents in a rented apartment and attend a coaching class from morning till noon. There is this girl in my class who kind of prys a lot about my life and I am somewhat uncomfortable with that although I dont show it. Today she asked me where exactly I live and when I told her she said "Oh I know that place. I have passed by many times. If I :had known I would have visited u". I just said ok. She then said she will come by sometime. I am pretty sure that I didnt invite her and she invited herself. I think she have a feeling that I am an easy person or something. Actually I wish I was tougher. I am not comfortable with she visiting my place but I cant tell that to her. What should I do?
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