As most of you know, I rushed into my last relationship and got into some serious trouble that resulted in a lot of hurt and pain. I rushed in because I was kind of desperate and needy for love at the time. At least, that is how I interpret my actions and lack of reason and logic.

I am still processing this aspect. I suspect it's because the boyfriend before him, I never fell in love with but was with him for two years. When I met my most recent ex, I wanted to feel in love again. I wanted to BE in love. I was craving it at the time. So as you all know, I dismissed all the red flags and then had BIG trouble.

So here I am again, in a newly budding relationship. I don't want to rush things again, but I feel that growing desire to be in love again.

I want to ask him about taking our profiles down from the dating site, but we've only been dating five weeks. Plus, he's still going through some emotional upheaval over his divorce. It was a year ago, but Christmas this year was very hard on him. It was his first holiday on his own, and it hurts him deeply that his family has broken up. He doesn't lament over his ex necessarily, they had some issues, but he laments over the breakup of his family. So I don't want to push things with us.

Thing is, I feel happy overall within myself and for the most part. For the most part, I feel happy on my own. When I am not with my new man, I am with my friends enjoying my life and myself. When I am alone, which is a LOT of the time, I am not miserable or unhappy --- although as you all know, I still obsess over my recent ex a bit.

So I feel confused over my emotions. Am I trying to replace my recent ex by wanting to be in love again? Why do I feel this way when I feel OK on my own and not miserable or unhappy? Am I a love addict? Do I just love to be in love??

We all know that I also started this new relationship pretty much on the heels of my last one. Maybe this is the result of that.

I know I should have healed myself FIRST, so we don't need to get into that part. Maybe this is just the result of getting involved fairly quickly again.

And I don't want to back out of this because he is great, and things are amazing between us so far. I also feel like this is healing for both of us. I just want to be sure that I don't rush things again. I want to avoid those same mistakes.

Hope this makes sense... not sure it makes sense to me even. lol.

[bpforever1]

I took the initiative to take my online profile down and told my online man. Then, he said he would take his down too and did. I did not tell him to take it down. He volunteered to do so. He did this about two weeks after we started talking. He also said that he was not interested in meeting other women except me. I don't know if this is true because he met me now. We still are talking online. He had to leave to take care of his dad who is in the hospital. I believe if your man still has his online profile up, then he could be still looking. I had another man who I met who never took his profile down. He was a player and never wanted a relationship. He just played me like a fool and still contacts me for sex. I ignore him now. He is married I realized. But, my point is that if your lover is not interested in taking down his profile, then don't expect much from him.

[TishaBuv]

Take it very slow with the new man. He wouldn’t want to be the ‘rebound’ man. (Does he know this?)If he is really great, he’ll still be around if you focus on being friends and slow down the relationship.

“Kind of desperate and needy for love”. Aren’t we all?

Originally Posted by bpforever1

I took the initiative to take my online profile down and told my online man. Then, he said he would take his down too and did. I did not tell him to take it down. He volunteered to do so. He did this about two weeks after we started talking. He also said that he was not interested in meeting other women except me. I don't know if this is true because he met me now. We still are talking online. He had to leave to take care of his dad who is in the hospital. I believe if your man still has his online profile up, then he could be still looking. I had another man who I met who never took his profile down. He was a player and never wanted a relationship. He just played me like a fool and still contacts me for sex. I ignore him now. He is married I realized. But, my point is that if your lover is not interested in taking down his profile, then don't expect much from him.

TY for your story and for your thoughts!

Maybe I will do the same! I really like how you approached this. I don't want to ASK him to take his profile down. I want him to want to take it down, on his own.

I don't think my guy is a player. I haven't checked his online profile to see if he's been active, but I am 99.99% certain that he is not seeing anyone else. As far as I can tell, he is exercising a healthy amount of caution and wariness, without being overly cautious or unavailable to me. He says he is open to a relationship and to falling in love, that he wants to explore things with me, and that he's even open to marriage again (though is in no hurry to marry right now).

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Take it very slow with the new man. He wouldn’t want to be the ‘rebound’ man. (Does he know this?)If he is really great, he’ll still be around if you focus on being friends and slow down the relationship.

“Kind of desperate and needy for love”. Aren’t we all?

TY! Good point! I don't want him to be the rebound man, and I don't want to be his rebound woman. He does know about my ex and has asked very pointed questions about him. So I think he is taking things seriously with me.

My closest gf just suggested I let it come from him to take his profile off of the dating site. I haven't even checked to see if he is still active and refuse to. I don't want him seeing me check up on him, because he can see that I've viewed his profile. She says that will allow no pressure on my end or influence from me to make things more committed or more serious. I just don't know. I really don't want to push things with him or make a mistake too soon.

Have you met him in person yet? Just from my experience with online dating, you can endlessly keep on conversation going and get nowhere. The only real way is to see what he's like in person and go from there, just my thoughts.

Originally Posted by disparaissant

Have you met him in person yet? Just from my experience with online dating, you can endlessly keep on conversation going and get nowhere. The only real way is to see what he's like in person and go from there, just my thoughts.

Oh yeah. We're not long distance, so we see each other at least twice a week. We've had a few overnights, and we're doing an overnight in a hotel for New Years eve. So we're practically in a relationship, though it still feels new-ish and on the cusp of being gf and bf. We're not quite there yet, but it's starting to feel this way.

[divine1966]

We took profiles off together, in fact we had to call as it’s not easy to get off eharmony as we had to ask them to charge remaining balance etc and we saw that neither one ever logged after the first date. The last time we both logged in was morning of the first date in order to take a screen shot so we can recognize each other. Lol we still have each other’s profile pics on our phones. Both were pretty bad selfies. His is worse. It was a selfie in the dark medical supplies closet in his scrubs with some big packages in the back, which he later told me were adult diapers. Haha

Originally Posted by divine1966

We took profiles off together, in fact we had to call as it’s not easy to get off eharmony as we had to ask them to charge remaining balance etc and we saw that neither one ever logged after the first date. The last time we both logged in was morning of the first date in order to take a screen shot so we can recognize each other. Lol we still have each other’s profile pics on our phones. Both were pretty bad selfies. His is worse. It was a selfie in the dark medical supplies closet in his scrubs with some big packages in the back, which he later told me were adult diapers. Haha

Aww, that's a sweet (and funny) story. I may follow my gf's suggestion and wait til he brings it up. Then I'm not pushing things.

[~Christina]

Yes don’t push , 5 weeks isn’t a very long time too be honest.

Let the relationship evolve on its own.

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Yes don’t push , 5 weeks isn’t a very long time too be honest.

Let the relationship evolve on its own.

Thanks! You know, you're right. It's really NOT that long.