believe the man I am seeing is an alcoholic

Thank you for this information. I will remember this. He said he had a 10-year visa and had to renew and was being sponsored by his former company. He said he has permanent residence though. I don't think he is lying to me and believe this could be true. He has been in the states for over 20 years so he must have permanent residence. His English is not the best but I do believe he is telling me what he believes to be true. Also, he admitted he has a drinking problem and wants to do something about it. So, I am hopeful that he will take the initiative to do something positive for himself. He said he will start next year on this. He usually does what he says. I know I should probably not be too concerned about him. But, if he wants to change and get help, I will try to do my best to encourage him. I feel as if he hangs out with people who drink too much also and told him to change his buddies to people who don't drink. He understands. He can't do everything all at once. But, I'm going to continue to be supportive of his wanting to get help and do something for himself. I feel encouraged by his wanting to change and know it will be a difficult road for him. I will not abandon him so easily and am hopeful that as long as I keep supporting him emotionally and mentally about doing something about his drinking, he will do something.

10 year visa and having to have your work company sponsor you clearly indicates that it isn’t permanent residence.

Please be careful about trusting strangers and what they tell you.

The drinking is not his only problem. His drinking is in response to other problems he is having. Well-adjusted people who have a good approach to life don't just start slamming shots in the middle of a meal. His general approach to live was not working for him, even before his alcohol intake became excessive. I've had some problem drinkers in my life. Some of them did stop drinking. They still had serious problems.

Every drinker knows about AA . . . knows there is help and sources of support to get sober. You're not awakening him to anything he hasn't heard of before. If you want to do some good in the world, find a worthy charity and volunteer some time.

Hmm, good idea. I understand that he has problems and so do I. I wish the world were perfect then I would not have to deal with people with problems. However, most people don't want to deal with others with problems and this includes me. I have told some people about my mental illness because I thought they would accept me, they disappeared or have not been hospitable. I want to be accepted for me and want others to confide in also. I have told him about my illness and family, and he accepts me still. I am similar to him in that nobody wants to deal with me either. So, telling me to throw him out because he has problems is like telling others to not bother someone like me also. We have our issues. I wish I could have made friends with people who are emotionally and mentally balanced and have not many issues, but they could care less for people like me. So, I could end up being very lonely and all alone. Or, deal with others who have problems too and try to be understanding. When I was homeless, only my family cared for me and took me back- nobody else did. So, for all of your suggestions and concerns, I consider it but realize your world is not my world. I made a decision to meet him and have decided to continue my contact with him. I think he is a good person who has heart. But, most people are only interested in protecting themselves and could care less about people like me or him. I talk to him and understand he may know about resources about becoming sober. But, nobody is there for him as nobody is there for me. If everybody only cares for others who are healthy and happy, then this world is indeed a very dark place to live. I do like him very much as a person. I see him as a person, not an alcoholic. He drinks a lot at one time but while he was with me during the night after drinking and the next morning and into the afternoon, he was not drinking. He actually was drinking tea with breakfast and lunch. So, he is not a full-blown alcoholic. He has an alcohol problem which has to be addressed. So, he knows he has problems but may be does not care because he feels that nobody cares for him either. I like him as I said. We talked for two months and confided in each other. I accept him as he is as he has accepted me. I like everybody's comments and suggestions. But, nobody knows him as a person and only is reacting to what I write. I am playing devil's advocate but realize that he could have just dumped me also when I told him about my illness and family. Thus, what you are suggesting to me to do to him, he could have done to me too. Also, it seems the people who have written here were abused by people who used alcohol. He has not abused me in any way. He has not lied to me about anything. He tells me as it is in his rather poor English. He has been good to me when he came he brought me presents. Also, I bought him beer and food because he was going to stay with me for five days until his father hit his head on the floor after tripping. His father is semi-invalid and is being taken care at home by his wife who has her own problems. Also, he took me out to restaurants three times and spent much money on me. So, I don't think he is poor. I also don't think he is trying to use me for anything. I am paranoid at times because of my illness so I present only the negative. But, looking back at his time with me, the only thing that struck me was his drinking excessively. He was able to remain coherent at all times. I was the one who drank one glass of red wine with him and almost passed out. I do want him to do something with his drinking and he said he would. Why wouldn't he? He has so far done what he said would do. He trusts me as I trust him. He also was nice to me and cleaned my bathtub for me. What else can I ask for?

Good for you, bp! I am glad you let him go and did your part about the drinking so that you can feel good in walking away. This was the best decision for yourself. Congrats!

Happy New Year to you!!!

hmm, I let him go but am still writing him. But, thank you very much, Eve!! Happy New Year!!

Nothing wrong with writing him and being friends or in contact.

And thanks!!

I think it is good that you let him go....you don't want to go with an alcoholic..I am an alcoholic....long standing problems and more problems to come if he keeps drinking.

Keep yourself safe...you said you come from a dysfunctional family...so you are prone to being in dysfunctional relationships.

I agree, wholly, with Rose76. I have had personal experience with an alcoholic, and a very close friend of mine is one also. The friend tells me everything about her addiction as she has been in and out of rehab over the years. I believe she would tell you, in her own brassy way, that alcoholics are f*** ups and to avoid them if you want to have any stability in your life. I am NOT saying not to be a "friend" to this person, but don't let them into your life on an intimate basis.

I agree. My ex is an alcoholic and it caused HUGE problems for me. And even when he wasn't supposed to drink, he would ask me for a drink to "help him sleep" or to "join the party" or when we were out and about on the town, he wanted one --- or four or five. He didn't know how to stop once he started. And also became an abusive asshole when drunk. It was a nightmare for me.

Just noticed the OP said case closed and we're all still talking about it, LOL.

My friend has been my friend for 15 years now. that will never change. But, I stopped going out on the town with her because well....things would get crazy and I am not a crazy person (in THAT sense, anyway....). Same as your ex. We would agree on two drinks then home, and I would leave because she wanted to close the place and stagger out five hours later.

Well, he did not go out for New Year's Eve and did not drink. He is doing fine. It is cold in Michigan. It is about minus 15 degrees Celsius. He has a fever and was all alone resting. His father is still in the ICU. And, he is working from the second of January. Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. I have read them all and appreciate everybody's concern. He said he would address his drinking problem. So, I will remain in contact with him and,hopefully, he will make changes to improve himself. Cheers! Happy New Year's to all!!

I am so happy that he is willing to get some help with his drinking issue..I can't tell you how happy I would be if my "friend" would do the same. I haven't been able to spend any time with him at his house since he got so drunk and so violent..I now have bad memories of a place that I was so happy in. He still thinks he's doing nothing wrong so I don't know what to do but move on with my life..Good luck! and have a Happy New Year! I think he's very fortunate to have you in his life..