[tumblr]

I just feel like I really don't belong at all. It's been like this my whole life. Everyone's thought of me as weird- my peers and my family. Even now, I'm referred to by my family as someone who's always moody (since I was really young), and spoiled. I'm treated completely like a child. I was bullied almost all of my school years because I was always socially awkward, weird and impulsive. I never fitted in no matter how much I tried to imitate everyone else.

Who can blame me for how I am now? Of course I don't have friends. I still don't even understand how people keep social relationships at all. I never know what to say, how to react. I either come off and too strong (usually oversharing my personal details), or too quiet. Even when I do make "friends", they're only okay for a while, but I eventually get bored and stop speaking to them.

Now, I just keep to myself, talk to myself, get upset at myself or overwhelmed easily by social interaction, wondering if I did anything wrong. Being social is a complicated and tiring chore that I don't want to take on anymore.

I'm beginning to just completely zone out, and disconnect from everything. It sucks because it feels like I can't enjoy ANYTHING. All I do all day research my mental health state, or watch youtube videos (usually barely paying attention - my mind elsewhere). Whenever I feel anxious or agitated for no reason, I just rock myself.

I'm sure I've posted enough on here, but I am 17, in college now. Yes, it's affecting my college life, as my drive is super low, and I struggle with focusing.

[Vampire221B]

I'm sorry I can't be of much help, but I just wanted to let you know that I totally get it. I, too, am 17 (although I'm not incollege yet cuz I'm clearly not as brilliant and smart as you), have never ever belonged anywhere (which, as much as I prentend to be nonchalant about it, really sucks), find social interactions difficult, confusing, and downright exhausting, zone out all the time, seem to have absolutely no motivation whatsoever, am failing (well, not literally but you know what I mean) in school because I don't even try anymore, and feeling like I'm just wasting my worthless life away. I'm sorry this isn't advice or anything, but just know that you're not alone (gosh, that sounds cliche) and hang in there. XX

[tumblr]

It's okay! It's still good to see someone else relates. You hang in there too.

[AubinDidier]

I'm very sorry to hear that. I understand your feeling , when I was in a room with people but all things I could see are black color, I even was scared by their voices. I don't know how could I overcome that feeling but I remembered that I came back my home and lived with my family in a short time, tried to talk with them and forget the lonely feeling. You should give a chance for yourself, come back home.

[ArcheM]

I can relate. Everyone has their own social needs, as they say... I mean, I suppose most people fall around the middle of the bell curve of that, but you shouldn't beat yourself up for being slightly away from the center, due to circumstances beyond your control (either nurture or nature).

[tumblr]

Sorry, I'm not 100% sure what you mean @AubinDidier

[Altec]

Does your school have a student resources center or a counseling center? Most schools have those and you can actually get help and/or accommodations from professors so that health issues are addressed to make sure you are on a fair footing compare to other students.

Originally Posted by tumblr

I just feel like I really don't belong at all. It's been like this my whole life. Everyone's thought of me as weird- my peers and my family. Even now, I'm referred to by my family as someone who's always moody (since I was really young), and spoiled. I'm treated completely like a child. I was bullied almost all of my school years because I was always socially awkward, weird and impulsive. I never fitted in no matter how much I tried to imitate everyone else.

Who can blame me for how I am now? Of course I don't have friends. I still don't even understand how people keep social relationships at all. I never know what to say, how to react. I either come off and too strong (usually oversharing my personal details), or too quiet. Even when I do make "friends", they're only okay for a while, but I eventually get bored and stop speaking to them.

Now, I just keep to myself, talk to myself, get upset at myself or overwhelmed easily by social interaction, wondering if I did anything wrong. Being social is a complicated and tiring chore that I don't want to take on anymore.

I'm beginning to just completely zone out, and disconnect from everything. It sucks because it feels like I can't enjoy ANYTHING. All I do all day research my mental health state, or watch youtube videos (usually barely paying attention - my mind elsewhere). Whenever I feel anxious or agitated for no reason, I just rock myself.

I'm sure I've posted enough on here, but I am 17, in college now. Yes, it's affecting my college life, as my drive is super low, and I struggle with focusing.

I know how it's like being isolated from people.
Have you thought of the possibility that it's your nature to be isolated and be OK with it?
You have to find out what you enjoy by your own first and foremost. Afterwards you can find people with a common ground and serve each other's interests.