Getting Along With My Narcissist Mother

My mother never got over my father’s death, but after much discussion and evaluation together with my sisters and aunt, I realize

She was always screaming at my father, but I blocked it out. My older sisters told me a lot.

He was tormented by his father, and his brother committed sui, then he was robbed by his best friend and partner, then he crashed and burned in the stock market. There was no one he could trust and he was ripped off at every turn. He died because he wanted to.

She remarried within one year! A nice unassuming man, completely different from my dad.

She screams at him constantly and yet, he just doesn’t care. He lets it roll off him. He was badly abused by his grandmother and abandoned by his mother and father. So, the likes of my shrewish mother doesn’t even phase him.

As much as she’s tried, she can’t kill him.

Narcissist abuse— killing people with words and hot air. Making them want to kill themselves! It’s a thing.

And I’m sorry to admit, I picked up that shrewish mouth, aimed at my husband. Emulating what I saw my mother do. I hate that so much. I then turn my anger onto myself and punish myself for it.

And he doesn’t care what I say. He has not reacted no matter what I do. I can’t push him away. It’s taken me down the path all the way to saying the worst things I can think of saying to him to try to make him leave, yet he doesn’t react.

He’s too good for me.

And I also know not to take it to the point of no return. I know if I tell him the one worst thing I have done, he might probably finally abandon me and then what?

Am I doing this because I have BPD? That’s why I knock myself out to just go to bed. So I shut my stupid mouth!