[macnichi]

Hi everyone this is my first post here, so hopefully i'm going about this right. I would be grateful for any advice. Recently my boyfriend has been saying that I've become *****y and that i have developed an attitude problem, however, I can't see it. We've been together for almost two years and has said these past few months I've had an attitude and that i "take everything out on him". I always fight back and say I'm fine and that I feel like there's nothing wrong with me, but quite honestly the more he says it the more I feel like I begin to develop an issue. I wish I could tell if I was being rational or not, since it is very difficult for me to see when I am in the wrong or if I am being irrationally angry. We are suposed to be moving into an apartment together in a few weeks and I'm scared that this is going to continue. He says I need to drop this issue and change my attitude for us to work, and I tell him I'll try, but HOW CAN I DO SOMETHING WHEN I DONT KNOW IF I AM EVEN THE ISSUE?

I have always trusted him to tell me when I am acting off or such, and he has always done a good job of that. But recently I feel like he has become super critical of me and if he does something that bothers me I can't say anything about it without him giving me this whole attitude thing. I know I am to blame as well because I do overreact and cry a lot, but I told him when I met I do have BPD and I may not be the easiest person to deal with. I will not end it with him, but I'm scared he is getting to the point of ending it with me. I am trying to help myself, but I am no longer on medication, and I do not have the time or money to see a therapist, which is why I am here.

I feel as if I have become "too comfortable" with him, so now my true colors are showing I guess. I'm really trying to improve myself and my irrational anger, so if anyone has any tips or advice to help me deal with myself and/or the situation I would appreciate it. Thank you

Hello and welcome to PC!

I am a little confused by your post. You say you have irrational anger, but that you don't know how it is that you have this attitude your boyfriend speaks of, or how you are acting *****y. If you have irrational anger, then he is justified in saying what he is. If not, then you have a point of contention.

I would ask him for specific examples of your *****iness and attitude so you can understand better what he is referring to. This will be the only way to get to the bottom of the issue. He needs to explain it to you just how are you acting that comes across as *****y and whatnot. This needs to be discussed and fleshed out calmly and maturely.

Also, if HE is giving you an attitude when something is bothering you about his behavior, perhaps HE is the real problem, and not you. So there's that possibility, too. But I would ask for specific examples.

((((hugs))))

[~Christina]

There are DBT work books available to purchase and you can work on yourself.

It’s hard to manage a relationship at times due to bpd but it’s very doable. Just take time to invest in yourself to feel better.

[FallDuskTrain]

It sounds like there is an underlying problem that is causing him to come up with all these excuses for being angry and upset w you.
Have you two recently been through an experience that shook the relationship a little?
How has the communication been in the relationship? Have you guys had any other problems that remained unresolved?
Or may be , and I hope that I am wrong, he is anxious about moving in together? Maybe the reality hit him and he is questioning his decision.
Again I’m sorry for all these questions, it just seems like there are other underlying issues that he is choosing not to share with you at this time.